Posts Tagged 'parenting'

chicken bees

Chicken bees.

That is all.

As in click the link.

I was not totally prepared for this part

Okay…so why did no one warn me about the part where Kellan grows up???????

 I mean yes, duh

But…okay see, when babies are babies, you are their entire universe. You are the one who can make them smile and laugh the most. You are the one they look to and turn to and cling to. You. And you hold that wonderful position as the love of their life, their everything, for a little while. 

Until….you don’t.

I’m not saying we are there yet, but I am seeing that we are transitioning. 

This morning, he didn’t want to tell me why a character on this lego friends show was his favorite (they are all girls and all friends  and that’s really all I know). After some gentle prodding, he finally tells me because he likes her skin color and shoe color and hair color and outfit.

So, you think she is pretty?

Yah.

INSERT SCREAMING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT STARTS THIS EARLY?!!!!?!!!!

I told him that that was totally normal and okay. I told him he shouldn’t ever be embarrassed (because that’s how it came across) to tell me or daddy anything. 

I asked why he was hesitant to tell me and he said it was because I would say, “Why do you like her shoes or why do you like her hair and I don’t know why.”

INSERT MORE INTERNAL SCREAMING HOW AM I ALREADY A NAGGING MOM TO HIM?!?!

So, yah. That all happened today. And it’s making me kind of look internally to see if somehow I am silently emoting that being vocal about liking how someone looks or liking their outfit or whatever is taboo. I am wondering if I should start openly complimenting people in front of Kellan to show him that it is okay to like and be open about someone’s shoes or thinking they have pretty eyes or whatever.

Is that what I’m supposed to do??  I am in new territory and struggling. I do not want him to feel embarrassed to talk about stuff and I also know that all the things I do not say speaks louder than the things I do say.

How are we already here?! 

I don’t feel like Tim will ever totally get it because he has never been the whole universe to Kellan the same way I have. He’s a boy. Kellan is a boy. They are boys. If we had a girl, I think it would hit home a little more for him because when she starting liking boys or talking about appearances I am sure he’d be like WHOAAAAA NOW. HOLD UP.

It’s actually hard for me right now, seeing him change like this. I’m glad he’s maturing and more responsible and, well, growing up, but it is hard to know and to see that soon I will be annoying to him. That I won’t be the whole world. I’ll be ugh, mooooom!

Maybe not always, but definitely at times.

Now that he can read, I barely get to read to him anymore….when we used to sit together and read books for hours. Now, if he’s reading to himself and I ask if he wants me to read to him, he just looks up and asks if he can keep reading like he is….to himself.

He’s purposefully matching his clothes…without Tim or me encouraging it. It’s just what he wants to do instead of wearing completely mismatched everything. He’s even starting to wear two of the same shoes. The only mismatched thing that has remained are his socks…and I will be so sad to see that go….

He is growing up so fast. Right before my eyes. It makes me teary to see it and to acknowledge it. Not in a bad way, more in a nostalgic, I see why people have lots of kids way. 

It’s hard….watching them grow up and needing you less and less. I mean, I’m being semi-dramatic here because he’s only five.

But he was just two.

And before that he was just born.

Soon he’ll be ten….and the years will just climb higher and higher.

On one hand, I cannot wait to see who he becomes and what his passions lead to. On the other….I’ll forever cherish and hold close to my heart all of the moments when I was his whole world. When he gave me the “love look” instead of the sass one.

I know there will still be times when I get those looks, but they will be rare…though when they happen, they will mean more than he will ever know.

little things about moi

It’s been so long….I’ll bet you don’t even know who I am anymore! So, I’ll tell you…kind of. In a stream of consciousness kind of way….

I recently chopped off all my hair. Well, not all...it’s basically right above my shoulders now. It’s always been super long…well, not always. I have cut it short a few times before…but it’s been a long while. When I first got it cut Tim was like ehhhhhhhhiiiiiiii???…. that’s….. different? But after a day or so he said he liked it…then kept saying he liked it over and over…so I guess he was trying to let me know he was over the shock.

I really like Green & Black milk chocolate and ghiradellli 60% cocoa chocolate chips. Those are the two I’ve found where I like the flavor the best. I’m sure there is better chocolate…but that’s what I’ve discovered thus far.

My love for sleep is…no. It’s more of a need. I need sleep. I am grumpy when I don’t get my sleep. And news flash to myself: mom’s don’t ever get enough sleep. It’s a constant battle.

The lock screen on my phone is this.  It helps me remember not to be grumpy. I found it on Pinterest.

I have found I really enjoy being a mom and I don’t really enjoy reading all the sarcastic and negative things moms and dads say about parenting. I get they are trying to be funny usually…and I’m even guilty of it…but since I now fully understand what a blessing it is to have healthy children, I do not take any moment, even the frustrating ones, for granted. I try really hard to step back and bite my tongue and change my mindset and tone if I hear myself getting upset about trivial things.

I wish I had more friends? I have some, but they live far away. And I have one here where we live now, but it would be nice to have a village. I hope that we can stop having to move all over the place and get some stability and build a village. I grew up in a village and I still have friends from that village and I think it’s nice.

Speaking of friends, I am friends with a lot of people from all phases of my life on Facebook…and when I see what some of their interests are, it makes me wish I had gotten to know them better. I think we probably would have had a lot in common and made some fun memories and keep in touch even now, versus only through Facebook.

Actually, I don’t even post on Facebook anymore because there is a HUGE…well, multiple HUGE parts of my life that I either do not or cannot share, due to family drama issues. I mean, part of me is kind of at the point where I’m just like…who even cares or needs to know about our daily life? We are pretty boring people, really. Once I stopped posting things, I also stopped having the mindset of, “we need to capture this so I can post it!” Now, we capture memories for us and not to put on display. I didn’t even realize I had become that way until I stopped, so I think that’s a healthier way to live, honestly.

I would really like to have a big garden and also honey bees…and chickens for eggs. I am not very good with plants, so a garden will be a big challenge for me, but I am determined to turn my thumb green!

If I could go back to school, I would study the weather. Get an atmospheric science degree. Weather absolutely fascinates me. I would love to be able to forecast and predict severe weather and all of that. Tim informed me it required a lot of math, and I don’t get along well with math, and so I looked it up and everything I read basically said, “TAKE AS MUCH MATH AND PHYSICS AS POSSIBLE!” And so that dream died a little…but I would still like to learn. It may stretch my brain in ways it didn’t know could be stretched, but that’s okay. It’s all part of growing…right?

I have gotten pretty okay at cooking. Baking is not really my forté because I don’t really measure ingredients, but I can make dinner…and I can come up with mixes of seasonings and spices that work well. I can open the fridge and see what we have and come up with a meal. It didn’t used to be that way. Before I had to have a recipe and all of the ingredients or it wasn’t happening. Now I can have a recipe or not or all of the ingredients or not and still make a meal.

I like being tall. I’m 5’10. I’ll take it.

I wish someone would teach me how to put on makeup. I mostly taught myself and I can manage not looking like a clown but I would love for someone to show me how to make your eye makeup look so pretty where your eyes pop. I’ve watched tutorials and all but I guess I need hands on learning.

I like having counters clear of clutter. This is also a thing that doesn’t exist when you are a mom to small children. It’s like they see a clear counter and think, “A perfect space for all my stuff!!!!” And so the counter is clutter free for maybe five minutes.

I would like to see the Great Wall of China. The Aurora Borealis. The cherry blossoms in Japan. Rome. Easter Island. Greece. The Alps. New Zealand……all of the US national parks……The list goes on but my timer is up.

So, that’s me. Part of me? Things about me?

Welcome to the randomness of my brain.

baby Bista is a……..

Gender Reveal (Kellan)

BOY!!!!!

I have always known, somewhere deep down – maybe call it intuition – that I would only have boys. I even remember having the thought while pulling Kellan in a wagon in our neighborhood in Colorado, probably at least a year ago, if not longer. It went something like, “Do you really want another one? You already know it’ll be a boy.”

It’s like my whole life has set me up to be a mom of boys. I only have brothers. I preferred to play with the boys in my neighborhood growing up (making forts and jumping over bushes and riding skateboards down steep driveways was way more fun than Barbies). I was even envious of my brother being in Boy Scouts. *I* wanted to be in Boy Scouts. Girl Scouts was so boring. I legit would hide during meetings because I didn’t want to see how long it would take for dripping water to fills cup. Bring on the Pinewood Derby (that’s a Boy Scout thing) and camping trips and why can’t I go to the meetings????

As I got older, I felt like I could relate to boys better. I preferred having friends that were boys. I liked stereotypical “boy” activities better. Boys were more interesting and did more interesting things. Boys were not complicated (until I was a teenager, and honestly, I’m pretty sure the overthinking and emotional state we girls are in at that point are what makes that whole thing complicated in the first place).

This is not to say I never had girl friends. I did. I still do. Some of those friends will forever be near and dear to my heart, with years and years of memories.

What I’m saying is, I know boys. I am totally comfortable with boys. Boys are predictable (to me). Boys are well within my comfort zone and I have lots of years of experience with them. I truly enjoy doing the things they like to do. I would be hopelessly lost with a prissy, doll-loving, wants to get mani-pedis, french braid my hair girl. I’d be like….well, to start, I’d need lessons on how to french braid hair.

And how to properly apply makeup.

All that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m in awe of those girls, mostly because I have never been one and I could never figure out how to be one, though I tried and tried….and tried….and tried.

I think I finally realized somewhere down the age line that that isn’t me, and that’s why I can’t be that person, even though there were times I REALLY WANTED TO BE THAT GIRL.

I’m not. I never will be. And that’s okay.

All this time, all this gravitation toward more “boy” things…has completely prepared me for this journey. I’m more than ready and so very excited that Kellan will have a brother, that we will have another son, that our family will be complete.

I will say that I am sad that Tim will not have a daughter. I mean, yes, it is true we will never know what it is like to raise a girl. We just have to take it as we aren’t supposed to have that experience, that our path has a purpose, and that path and purpose is full of boys. Don’t get me wrong, Tim is super excited about baby Bista. He just knows that this will be the last child to occupy my uterus (though others think we will change our minds…), for a variety of reasons. So, barring adoption (which isn’t something we are considering), there will not be a girl in this house (other than me…hahahahahaha). And that’s just what it is, and honestly, and this goes for every single person and family out there – there need not be any explanation as to why we are happy or sad or anything.

This is our family.

We are all deeply devoted, protective, and completely in love with every single aspect of it. Tim even said to me the other day…and I quote, “We’ve built a life together.”

He is totally right.

We love our family.

We love our life.

It’s as simple as that.

P.S.: And for those wondering what baby Bista’s name will be….stay tuned…until June. Because, for those of you who remember baby sprout (Kellan!), that’s a secret we don’t tell anyone until they are born. I’m pretty sure we drive our family and friends crazy. We don’t even give up initials. Top secret information over here.

I am thankful – December edition. aka one whole year of being thankful!

Hey! We made it! An entire year of thankfulness! I can’t believe it’s already over! I’ve realized that my picture posting became lazier as the year progressed, but my quality time increased, and capturing each moment in a picture became less important to me. I think that’s a pretty big win in today’s internet obsessed world…we are enjoying life more, screen time less.

Anyhow, this month…literally zero editing, here. I promise I can spell. It’s just 99% of these are written right before I fall asleep at night and, well, priorities. Especially when preggo.

December 1: The ability to let go and allow Kellan to take off his shoes and only wear his new socks that he was super excited about in a restaurant. I mean, he was so happy and it caused zero disruption, so who cares if it isn’t normal?

December 2: Kellan being able to entertain himself with anything and also anywhere we go. Clothes shopping? Let me hide in the clothes. String? I want to tie it around my leg and run around the house. Christmas blocks? Let’s line them up on the floor and scoot across them. His imagination and ability to just play are incredible.

December 3: Surprising Tim at the airport… It’s easy to do, because we have the tiniest, cutest airport that is super close, but we never have. On a spur of the moment decision, Kellan and I went over to meet Tim and the look on Tim’s face as Kellan ran up to him yelling, “Hi daddy!!” as Tim walked out of the security area…oh how I wish I had it on film. Absolutely priceless and worth it. It was so sweet and endearing.

December 4: How compliant Kellan can be….even when he doesn’t want to be….and that’s really incredible that an almost three year old can exhibit that amount of patience/agreeableness.

December 5: Unexpected trip to take photos of a nonprofit for a newspaper story. Witnessing those who give and dedicate so much of themselves – their time, effort, everything – to those in need is truly humbling.

December 6: Not doing what was planned. We had planned on going out to see the Polar Express train car thing in the city, but Kellan said he wanted to stay home. So we adjusted and decked the halls (the Christmas tree) instead. And it was nice.

December 7: Our advent calendar activities haven’t been going “as planned” and I’m not really freaking out about it….we had a really nice weekend, despite not doing anything from the advent calendar. Trying to learn how to let go a little. This is probably a good first step.

December 8: How excited Kellan gets when it is a “clip day” on the advent calendar. AKA take off a Christmas clothespin from the advent pocket and open a wrapped book day. We may not be doing all of the activities planned, but we don’t miss clip days!

December 9: Realizing that I honestly do not care of baby 2 is a girl or boy. Whatever baby bista is exactly what he/she is supposed to be.

December 10: Kellan enjoying the little things, like the reindeer grilled cheese sandwich for lunch by the tree. He even asked to play Christmas music while we had lunch. It was really sweet and cute.

December 11: Kellan trying to take a shower (with all of his clothes on). Big step for him to be willing to get in the shower AND ask for the water to be turned on.

December 12: Tim powering through to go do Christmas stuff even though he didn’t feel well….Kellan working really hard to do a somersault until he did one all by himself. He used to just give up on stuff like that (gross motor). It was a super exciting moment and Tim and I cheered like crazy for him. AND Kellan trying to sound out a word all on his own when we read a story before bed. So many new/amazing things happening today.

December 13: A fun and spontaneous day that included a visit to the Trolley Museum.

December 14: 100% felt baby bista moving/kicking!!

December 15: Tim’s belt spontaneously breaking. So, as I come back downstairs, Tim is like, “Sooooo this random piece of metal fell out of the sky” …..and I have no idea where it came from….guess the house is haunted. Then, about five minutes later, Tim goes, “Welp. I figured it out.” And he lifts up his shirt and shows his broken belt buckle and goes, “No ghost!” Best laugh we have had in a long time.

December 16: Every single day, every minute, is such a gift. And sometimes I need that reminder to live and love those minutes, even the hard ones.

December 17: Safe travel day for Tim

December 18: How candid and conversational Kellan is with people he doesn’t know. If he senses they are “good” people, he will talk with them all day….like he did with two older men today at Panera. When we left, one of them said we had a really neat kid and they enjoyed talking with him.

December 19: Safe travel day for Tim AND he’s home for 15 days!!

December 20: Safe grocery trip an hour away plus having Benadryl when kellan started breaking out in a rash/hives because I failed to wash his PJs before he wore them…his skin and histamine system was none too pleased.

December 21: Kellan not getting upset at all when Lexi ate BOTH of his Christmas cookies he was so proud of….His response when his hard work was gobbled up in 0.5 seconds? Can I have the snowman cookie instead? Tim and I were like, we need to take a page out of his book and learn to just roll with the punches.

December 22: Kellan seeing and taking pictures of Christmas lights at this huge house….and his cooperation in general while we ran random errands all over the place and went to dinner.

December 23: a clean house AND all laundry done before Christmas fun! Haha….that rhymed…

December 24: Being able to get up after Kellan went to bed to help santa!

December 25: A really nice and LONG Christmas Day. And dinner was perfection.

December 26: After a multi store quest, we found Blade!!! The ONE gift from santa that was broken and that Kellan had asked for and wanted more than anything and EVERYONE was out of stock. We all feel better now.

December 27: Laughter. Batman cape (Tim saying, “It was just my cape!” After I turned lego batman’s head around to face the right way and then lifted his cape up to realize his head was already the right way, just his cape was backwards). Mangos (Kellan (while eating dried mangos…what are you thinking about? I’m thinking about these mangos.), socks (Tim walked downstairs after his shower and said he lost his socks from the bathroom to downstairs. Hours later I open the dryer and see towels and a pair of socks inside. I ask Tim why there are socks in there and then I realize and start laughing right as he goes, “found ’em!”)

December 28: THE SUN! BLUE SKY! It’s been WEEKS since we have had a nice day. WEEKS! We went to the nature center. How could we not be outside?!

December 29: Steak and spinach. I’m low on iron, apparently. Because I NEVER like steak.

December 30: A morning in the woods behind the house with the family. It is so rejuvenating. And it was perfectly cool and crisp.

December 31: Finishing another 365 project! First, sunrises. Now, thankfulness.

If you want to relive all of 2014 via thankfulness, here you go….

January
February
March
April
May
June
July
August
September
October
November

well….the secret’s out

So, yes. Lots has been going on these past few months. Well, really only one MAJOR thing that has kind of been all consuming, thank you, morning sickness and 24/7 nausea and aversions to basically all food, especially meat (gag gag gag).

You heard me.

Morning sickness.

As in, the pregnancy kind.

Baby Bold 2, who Kellan has, all on his own, named “baby bista” is coming sometime in May or June 2015! The official date is June 3, and if he/she is like Kellan, then he/she will be late and will definitely be a June baby, but I’ll hold out hope for early…because pregnancy giantness at 40 plus weeks.

Go figure that the entire world is knocked up right now. I guess I didn’t want to feel left out. Never mind that this was a complete surprise and took exactly ONE try….I even know the date….I digress. That’s probably…no, definitely TMI.

Here’s our super early Christmas card, moonlighting as a pregnancy announcement, that we mailed out last week:

So, happy and exhausting days are ahead!

Bold Christmas 2014

I am thankful – October edition

Wow. It’s been a super busy month, you guys….

October 1: Kellan and his crazy vocabulary. I asked him if he was finished eating his snack and his response? “Not quite yet.” Not QUITE yet, well, okay, then.

October 2: The storms with the cold front weren’t as bad as anticipated. Whew.

October 3: Having Tim home for a long weekend. Also, naps.

October 4: the most perfect fall weather day, complete with a trip to the park and dinner outside on the deck!

October 5: A nice long family walk in the evening after dinner. The weather was pretty nice! And this kid – maybe 10? – thanked Kellan when he brought a soccer ball back to their yard (it ended up not being theirs). And then, the kid, who was in the middle of playing with a friend/brother, stops, bends down, looks right at Kellan and says hi and asks his name. Tim and I were in shocked silence. Whoever is raising him, is raising him right. What a kind and genuine gesture.

October 6: Kellan wandered off this morning while we were eating breakfast and went to go play by himself in the family room. It was kind of strange, him doing that, but also kind of nice to see he’s becoming his own person and wanting to do things by himself/as an individual. He’s growing up.

October 7: The ability to lay with Kellan in the morning until he’s ready to get up. Sometimes it’s five minutes, others it’s 45. Either way, I have the option to do that, and I see how much of a blessing that is, versus having a hectic morning where we are trying to get ready for work and him ready for daycare or preschool….I am really thankful we can have mellow mornings.

October 8: Kellan being a super big cooperator and getting up early so we could take my car to get service at the “deodership.”

October 9: Kellan really trying to be more and more independent. He’s asking/saying he wants to do so many things by himself.

October 10: Tim stepping on the vacuum cleaner cord while I was vacuuming. It was olive branch attempt 3, after I rebuffed his, then he mine, then he stepped on the cord like a seventh grader and made us both laugh.

October 11:The most relaxing evening outside…it has rained all day, it was cold, and we decided to go on the deck. The feeling and sounds of rain very lightly falling on the leaves, along with the smell of someone who had made a fire, it reminded me of camping…in a good way. If you have been camping and you know how relaxing that kind of moment can be….it was pure bliss. Also, Kellan has learned how to climb in and out of his bed. He needs to use the quilt on the bed to pull up, and tonight during story time, he said, “I don’t need any help. I can do it by myself.” There was not a blanket available to use, so he started to say he needed help, so I pushed the blanket over. He tried using it once and didn’t get a good grip, couldn’t get up on the bed, stopped his attempts, and looked me right in the eye and goes, “That didn’t help.” Commence hysterical laughter from Tim and me. Kellan never fails to crack us up, no matter the time of day or night. And I love that.

October 12: Tim watching Kellan, even though he didn’t feel well, so I could go run a few errands.

October 13: Kellan being a really big cooperator running a million errands after nap, which is usually a difficult time to do errands.

October 14: A super windy day. It reminded me of Colorado. While I didn’t really like the days on end of super winds there, the one today was nice because it reminded me of Colorado. And we are all really missing it.

October 15: The most amazing surprise in the mail from the BFF! We cannot find Horizon organic peanut butter crackers ANYWHERE IN ARKANSAS…and Kellan keeps asking for them….and Amazon only lets you order a case for like $70. And then….an unsuspecting package turns out to be two boxes of crackers! Kellan was ecstatic (me too!)!!!

October 16: sage travel day for us….and Kellan did SO WELL for the whole thing, from having to get up super early to flying on an airplane to dealing with airports to bring patient with a rental car mini fiasco to driving to my mom’s, and everything in between

October 17: A really nice dinner with family and my high school basket coaches, whom I have not seen in forever, at a restaurant I used to frequent in my college town. Super fun night.

October 18: Amazing day. Sports Hall of Fame induction. My first ever permanent mark. So grateful for all of the wonderful experiences today and all of the wonderful people who were there to celebrate with me.

October 19: Seeing all my old friends and their children! So sweet they all took time out of their schedules to stop by. Also, at the end of the night, post party, the uncles and Tim and my mom and a few adopted family members were outside on the deck and Kellan went inside to grab a snack from the party food table. As he was running in, he stopped, turned around, and said, “I’ll be right back so I can be with my family.” Hearts melted everywhere.

October 20: A nice, low-key day with family.

October 21: Papa had a successful surgery!

October 22: Safe travel day home AND Kellan did SO WELL the whole time. He was patient and nice and understanding. Definitely mature for his age, in a good, amazing way.

October 23: Realizing Kellan is having a developmental leap in the form of trying to engage us in power struggles….and arming myself with some knowledge and tools to appropriately handle/not engage in them.

October 24: Homemade mashed potatoes.

October 25: A safe day of running all over the place doing errands.

October 26: The cutest FaceTime session with Nonni and Papa. Kellan knows exactly who they are, even though we do not see them very often. It’s very sweet and endearing.

October 27: walking out of a small store and Kellan turning around and waving to the owner while saying, “Have a nice morning!”

October 28: Safe travel day for Tim and a successful day of getting stuff done here.

October 29: completely random fun evening finding acorns in the backyard with Kellan. It was so neat to watch him enjoying nature.

October 30: Safe travel day for Tim and a really fun, impromptu fall leaf activity with Kellan. It was his first time, since we didn’t have trees like this at our Colorado house.

IMG_2480.JPG

October 31: Meeting a Vietnam veteran. I interviewed him for a few hours for a newspaper story, but he really has had an incredible life…and it was truly a pleasure to speak with him and hear his story. I was also reminded today that life is so precious…and should never, ever be taken for granted.


this is where you ask those burning questions

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