Posts Tagged 'children'

this is what you’ve been missing

the picky eater vs the foodie

The keeping room

I am *that* mom

missed the turn, he did

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little things about moi

It’s been so long….I’ll bet you don’t even know who I am anymore! So, I’ll tell you…kind of. In a stream of consciousness kind of way….

I recently chopped off all my hair. Well, not’s basically right above my shoulders now. It’s always been super long…well, not always. I have cut it short a few times before…but it’s been a long while. When I first got it cut Tim was like ehhhhhhhhiiiiiiii???…. that’s….. different? But after a day or so he said he liked it…then kept saying he liked it over and over…so I guess he was trying to let me know he was over the shock.

I really like Green & Black milk chocolate and ghiradellli 60% cocoa chocolate chips. Those are the two I’ve found where I like the flavor the best. I’m sure there is better chocolate…but that’s what I’ve discovered thus far.

My love for sleep is…no. It’s more of a need. I need sleep. I am grumpy when I don’t get my sleep. And news flash to myself: mom’s don’t ever get enough sleep. It’s a constant battle.

The lock screen on my phone is this.  It helps me remember not to be grumpy. I found it on Pinterest.

I have found I really enjoy being a mom and I don’t really enjoy reading all the sarcastic and negative things moms and dads say about parenting. I get they are trying to be funny usually…and I’m even guilty of it…but since I now fully understand what a blessing it is to have healthy children, I do not take any moment, even the frustrating ones, for granted. I try really hard to step back and bite my tongue and change my mindset and tone if I hear myself getting upset about trivial things.

I wish I had more friends? I have some, but they live far away. And I have one here where we live now, but it would be nice to have a village. I hope that we can stop having to move all over the place and get some stability and build a village. I grew up in a village and I still have friends from that village and I think it’s nice.

Speaking of friends, I am friends with a lot of people from all phases of my life on Facebook…and when I see what some of their interests are, it makes me wish I had gotten to know them better. I think we probably would have had a lot in common and made some fun memories and keep in touch even now, versus only through Facebook.

Actually, I don’t even post on Facebook anymore because there is a HUGE…well, multiple HUGE parts of my life that I either do not or cannot share, due to family drama issues. I mean, part of me is kind of at the point where I’m just like…who even cares or needs to know about our daily life? We are pretty boring people, really. Once I stopped posting things, I also stopped having the mindset of, “we need to capture this so I can post it!” Now, we capture memories for us and not to put on display. I didn’t even realize I had become that way until I stopped, so I think that’s a healthier way to live, honestly.

I would really like to have a big garden and also honey bees…and chickens for eggs. I am not very good with plants, so a garden will be a big challenge for me, but I am determined to turn my thumb green!

If I could go back to school, I would study the weather. Get an atmospheric science degree. Weather absolutely fascinates me. I would love to be able to forecast and predict severe weather and all of that. Tim informed me it required a lot of math, and I don’t get along well with math, and so I looked it up and everything I read basically said, “TAKE AS MUCH MATH AND PHYSICS AS POSSIBLE!” And so that dream died a little…but I would still like to learn. It may stretch my brain in ways it didn’t know could be stretched, but that’s okay. It’s all part of growing…right?

I have gotten pretty okay at cooking. Baking is not really my forté because I don’t really measure ingredients, but I can make dinner…and I can come up with mixes of seasonings and spices that work well. I can open the fridge and see what we have and come up with a meal. It didn’t used to be that way. Before I had to have a recipe and all of the ingredients or it wasn’t happening. Now I can have a recipe or not or all of the ingredients or not and still make a meal.

I like being tall. I’m 5’10. I’ll take it.

I wish someone would teach me how to put on makeup. I mostly taught myself and I can manage not looking like a clown but I would love for someone to show me how to make your eye makeup look so pretty where your eyes pop. I’ve watched tutorials and all but I guess I need hands on learning.

I like having counters clear of clutter. This is also a thing that doesn’t exist when you are a mom to small children. It’s like they see a clear counter and think, “A perfect space for all my stuff!!!!” And so the counter is clutter free for maybe five minutes.

I would like to see the Great Wall of China. The Aurora Borealis. The cherry blossoms in Japan. Rome. Easter Island. Greece. The Alps. New Zealand……all of the US national parks……The list goes on but my timer is up.

So, that’s me. Part of me? Things about me?

Welcome to the randomness of my brain.

our first Arkansas ER visit

Okay, so, this is for everyone (anyone?) who reads my monthly thankfulness wrap up. Towards the end of the month, you will read these exact words:

August 20: Getting to the ER in time after Kellan had an allergic reaction to peanuts, we think. Glad I listened to my mommy radar after he started breaking out in giant hives all over his body.

….and I know if I don’t say something now, I will suffer the wrath of worry all OMG! IS HE OKAY?! WHAT HAPPENED?!

So. First, is Kellan okay? Yes.

What happened?

We aren’t exactly sure.

After dinner last Wednesday night, Tim and Kellan were on the couch playing and also eating a combo of peanut butter and chocolate chips. Mostly chocolate chips. Kellan then said he was hungry (again, I think the kid is growing because he legit went through an entire loaf of bread in the form of “toast with jam!” in two days). I took him to the kitchen to eat cereal, as requested, and I noticed three small red dots on his chin and I thought, “Hmm. That’s strange.”

We went outside after he was finished so Tim could look at how to attach our American flag to the entryway and that’s when I noticed that his shoulder had a red rash type thing on it.

Then Kellan said his back was itching, so I lifted up his shirt and I see more redness, which I now realize are hives, all over the small of his back.

I said something to Tim about it and he said he used to get hives all the time as a kid, no big deal. Something about this particular event didn’t seem right to me. Kellan does have really sensitive skin, so he will get mini-hives when he touches certain things that bother him and we have to be careful with what type of shampoo/lotion/laundry detergent we use. This time, though, it was like they were multiplying faster and spreading all over the place. Usually, they stay where the contact occured.

I took Kellan inside and tried to find someone to call to help me. The hives were getting bigger and more numerous by the minute, and it had only been maybe 15 minutes since I had noticed the first few hives on his chin. This is what led me to believe it had been the peanut butter, since the irritation started near his mouth. I couldn’t understand why, since no one on either side of our family has an allergy to any kind of nut or any food at all for that matter, and he had eaten peanut butter many times before. Either way, my mommy sense knew we couldn’t just wait and see what would happen.

Unfortunately, we had yet to find a pediatrician for Kellan in Arkansas and that was a BIG mistake. I wasn’t able to talk to any after hours nurses without first having a pediatrician and the ones from our Colorado pediatrician weren’t able to help because we didn’t live there anymore. I finally called the hospital and asked what to do and they said, “Go to the ER. Now.”

So, off we went to the ER. Poor Kellan was covered from head to toe in hives. He was so swollen. It was very scary.

Flash forward to filling out a check-in sheet and saying it may be a peanut allergy and we were in the triage room in less than five minutes. The guy checking out Kellan was like, “Yep. I can definitely see the hives….”

After waiting maybe another ten minutes, they called us back for the worst thing ever. I mean, Kellan was crying when they took his blood pressure during triage and now waiting for him were two shots with needles that had a circumference the size of the tip of a pen. That’s not even an exaggeration. These things made *me* cringe and I wasn’t even getting one. I had to hold Kellan while they gave him the shots (at the same time, thankfully) and the poor thing screamed a scream that will haunt me forever. It was pure, raw pain.

After we were sent back out to the waiting room again to wait for a doctor, Kellan fell asleep in my lap for maybe 45 minutes. I think his poor body and brain were on overload and he had had enough. The shots with steroids and an antihistamine worked, though. His hives were almost gone THREE HOURS LATER WHILE WE WERE STILL WAITING. Granted, the place was packed, but still. 7pm to 11pm is kind of exhausting for a two-year-old. When he woke up, he kept telling Tim that his legs felt funny. We are guessing it was from the medicine.

Long story short we didn’t get out of there until 11pm, along with a prescription for a 3-day dose of steroids and an epipen.

The next day, I found a doctor who would see him that day versus two weeks from now or not at all because they weren’t accepting new patients. After a quick check and some questions, she made an appointment with an allergist and told us to get rid of all the peanuts/peanut laced products/things that may have been manufactured near peanuts.

Our cupboard is now bare, thank you very much.

We see the allergist next week.

The more we think about it, Tim and I are really not sure if it is peanuts. We are thinking it may be fiberglass, as that was the only other thing that Kellan was exposed to at the exact same time as the peanut butter, as Tim had it on his clothes from work that day, which isn’t typical, and he has gotten a rash from it (fiberglass) once before.

It’s all to be determined at this point. I don’t want to get my hopes up that it isn’t peanut butter but I am really hoping it isn’t peanut butter.

For now, I am that parent who avoids all that say “made on a line that also processes tree nuts” snacks and carries a brightly colored bag that contains two junior epipens along with liquid and dissolvable benadryl.

Happy thoughts for no peanut allergies.


playroom for the win!

I promised myself that I would get back into blogging…more than once a…what? A forever? I’m pretty sure that’s a legitimate unit of measurement in the blog world.

So, hi, my long lost blog friends. I’ve missed you! And I am back for 2014. Aren’t you excited??

I thought you would be (haha).

Anyhow…since Tim was home for a good *almost* three weeks in December (thank you, wisdom teeth surgery followed by Christmas), my brain immediately went to LET’S DO PROJECTS!

Okay, so, it went to PROJECTS! after Tim was healed enough to function…but I’d be lying if the ideas weren’t floating through my brain while I was pureeing everything from beans to avocados to fruit to too-chunky tomato sauce.

The first one (that isn’t totally complete, yet, but it is pretty close and I can’t help myself but share because I LOVE IT!) to do was a loft renovation. It *was* your typical, run of the mill loft. Entertainment center. Couch. Big comfy chair with an ottoman. Coffee table. Realllllllly predictable.

Enter the creative juices of my brain and a giant Thomas the Train table that was absolutely not staying in the family room (hi, all you parents with Thomas obsessed kids. I totally understand THE STRUGGLE).

I’ve wanted to turn the loft into a playroom for Kellan for a really long time (like, months, and that’s an eternity in kid-speak). His toys were taking over the entire house and my Type A desire for order was going crazy. Toys in the kitchen. In the family room. The loft. Bedrooms. Bathrooms. EVERYWHERE. The loft was perfect – just enough out of major pathways and plenty of space for Kellan to play.

I totally get that toys happen with a 22-month old (HOW IS HE ALMOST TWO! *tear*) – but it was getting out of control.

Begin Operation Loft Playroom.

Ikea totally saved us, by the way, with their handy-dandy spice racks turned bookshelves and the Expedit shelving.

AND the ease of putting both together?? AH-MAZING.

Let’s just say that if *I* can follow the directions and have it turn out correctly the first time (except the time I put the shelving in backwards and Tim had to fix it…but that totally doesn’t count. IT LOOKED FINE…it just…didn’t exactly fit together…I digress.), then they’re doing something right.

So, without further ado, the current pride of the Bold household…keeping in mind there is still work to be done – like hang a positive word alphabet using canvases (26 of them, to be exact), a DIY chalkboard, a DIY magnetic letter/number board, labels for the bins in the shelving (I have a super fun idea for that!), hang artwork painted by my amazing artist brother, add something between the bookshelves and clock (the word READ? We’re not sure, yet), and a few other little detail things. But, I couldn’t wait to share any longer because, really, this room turned out fantastically. Better than I thought it would, in all honesty. Watch out Martha!

And tomorrow we will be tackling the chalkboard. Pictures when it’s done!

Oh…I said without further ado like, awhile ago. I guess I got a little carried away…I can’t help myself. I’m so excited (you will be, too, promise)!

This is what the loft looked like right before we put the shelving under the window together, so you can kind of see where we started (you need this baseline, trust me). Kellan was helping.

Annnnnnnnd the (mostly) finished product! Tim was skeptical of the butterflies over the window at first, but he’s on board, now.


The “reading nook” that’s missing a yet to be acquired beanbag chair. And something in the empty space between the clock and the shelves. That circle thing in the carpet is from the ShopVac…


Bookshelves up close. And it may look like they aren’t level due to the shadows, but I assure you 100% that they line up.


PS: It always turns out better when you measure. And use a level…and a pencil…and measure again…and then re-level…this is according to my engineer husband. He’s the “hired help” who does all the technical stuff. There are zero crooked pictures in this house, thanks to him.

20131231-194608.jpgYou thought I was kidding with the level and measuring? This picture doesn’t even have the measuring tape he was also using. If you don’t need a magic eraser to clean pencil marks off the wall after you’re done, you’re doing it wrong.

PPS: How cute is this?! We finally hung these pictures and letters and artwork in Kellan’s room. They’ve only been sitting around for a year….procrastinate, much?



not yet

Some days….I feel like I’m doing it all right.

Other days……eh. What am I even doing?!

Lately, it’s been like a bombardment of notifications about people having their second child. I saw one just via Facebook yesterday from someone who has a child a week younger than Kellan. Baby two. On the way.

We aren’t even there yet, people.

I want to want another kid. I do. I really, really do. I think about it almost every day. It frustrates me. It bothers me. Is something wrong with me?? Why do I not have some overwhelming desire for baby two? Aren’t my ovaries supposed to be yelling at me to procreate or something? Where is their megaphone?

I try to look into the future and “picture” our family. When I do, I feel like I see two kids. I feel like I see Kellan with a younger sibling.

Then, snap back to reality (oops, there goes gravity) and I’m like AM I SMOKING CRACK?! I don’t want to do this again. This is hard. I already struggle. I barely and rarely have a minute to myself.

I’ve tried to convince myself to stop thinking about it. To wait another year and see how I (we) feel. There is part of me that just knows – for whatever reason – that right now is not the right time. Call it my maternal instinct or sixth sense or whatever. But I am certain that now is not good. It’s not right. Whoever the next little person is that may come into our life is not ready to be here, yet. And I’m not ready for them, either, so really, it all works out.

And then the little voice says, “But what if you’re never ready?”

The circle continues.

it’s a long road, and it isn’t always pretty

I saw a quote somewhere the other day that was, in sum, how we (proverbial we) struggle and aren’t happy with our lives because we compare everyone else’s “highlight reel” to our regular, everyday, ho-hum existence. Or we compare the highlights to the part of our life that we don’t really talk about. The part, for instance, that may show we aren’t perfect or that our marriage or relationship isn’t all rainbows and laughter and magazine worthy perfection.

No one wants to talk about that part, even though we all have been there…or we are there now.

So, let’s talk about it.

I will be the first one to tell you that my life isn’t perfect. I’m sure Tim would line up behind me and be the second to voice the same. We have our moments that sometimes last for months. We go through ups and downs. We argue. We fail to communicate. We say things that are hurtful to each other, sometimes without even realizing it. Just the other weekend, after taking Kellan to a (what we thought would be) fun event called Tiny Tots Inside the Orchestra, we walked to a nearby coffee shop. We had to leave after a few minutes because Kellan was scared – it was too loud. So. Plan B. Coffee shop.

As we were walking in, I wasn’t paying attention to anything other than the fact that Kellan was whiny/probably needed a snack and pretty much snapped at Tim when he tried to tell me something about what the menu outside the shop said.

I don’t remember what I said or how I said it because my mind was 100% focused on getting Kellan’s needs met.

Tim asked me three times to repeat whatever I said….and I didn’t respond at all. I legitimately didn’t even hear him ask.

He got upset. I hurt his feelings and at the time, I didn’t even know why. It took getting into an argument (debate?) on the way home before I even knew what I had done. He didn’t want to talk about it or deal with it or start a fight.

I guess I did.

However, even though the whole conversation on the way home was zero percent fun, it helped. It took down some barriers we both had put up over the span of time this same type of thing had happened and neither of us dealt with it; but instead held it in and put up a protective wall. I’m pretty sure at some point, Tim said, “It’s always the same things. We always argue over the SAME THINGS. So, we are either not adjusting/changing our behaviors enough or we aren’t willing to change them at all.”

Ouch. But, that is true. It’s hard to change.

However, actually hearing what it was/is that I did/do that upsets Tim helped me realize that what I was doing (basically saying something with a snippy tone to stop the conversation dead in its tracks) was not the best way to handle a stressful situation for me (Kellan needing something). Tim learned that he sometimes has to actually make me repeat what he asked to make sure I heard him (though I’m trying to get better at hearing him the first time).

(And Kellan was asleep, by the way, so he wasn’t having to consciously witness this.)

I have a really hard time explaining to Tim, or to anyone, really, how difficult it is for me to pay attention when Kellan is actively needing something. It’s like my entire brain is buzzing, tuning everything out, except whatever it is that I need to do to satisfy the need. I’m sure I will get better at handling myself in these situations as Kellan gets older, but right now my brain literally goes into tunnel vision mode. It drops everything, tunes everyone out, doesn’t see anything except for any possible solution to take care of the need.

That automatic response is why I said my snippy comment outside the coffee shop and why I didn’t hear Tim ask me to repeat myself three times. All I heard in my brain, on repeat, was, “Do they have apple juice???

We have a really long way to go. We have much still to learn about balance and communication and compromise and letting go and being a family. It is really hard. Maybe I have more to learn in those areas than Tim, I don’t know. All I do know is that even though I mostly talk about lighthearted things and post pictures of fun events or moments, know that everyday life isn’t always so glamorous. We are not the perfect example if anything, other than maybe how not to be perfect, if that makes any sense. We are just regular people, trying to make the best out of what we have.

this is where you ask those burning questions

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