coffee makes me crazy

Y’all….and I don’t even like to say y’all, even though I’m from Georgia…but I just can’t get on board…anyway Y’ALL.

Coffee makes me crazy.

I mean, I love it, don’t get me wrong, but it literally makes me so jumpy and high strung feeing that I know it’s probably not the best idea. It even makes me feel agitated sometimes. Or it makes me feel like I need to bedoingeverythingallatonceatthesametimerightnow.

So, as much as I love it, I don’t love it. 

I have also learned that if I get so dependent on it that if I stop, it results in a migraine. Also no bueno.

When I totally stopped drinking coffee, I realized that I actually felt more awake in the morning without my brain thinking it needed the caffeine. A shower was enough and I was bright eyed and bushy tailed.

But…I love coffee. Inset sadface slash perplexed face slash I don’t know what to do face because COFFEE.

I started drinking it again recently…but now that I have, I am remembering why I stopped.

Hello jitters.

It doesn’t even matter if I do the mocha thing where the cocoa is supposed to counteract the crazy. 

It doesn’t work.

I am super sensitive to caffeine and hormones and alcohol and all things addictive.

So, I am learning as I get older (and maybe sometimes wiser), that I don’t need to partake in those things often because they lead to crazy. I mean, there is nothing I can really do about the hormones. Those are coming every month, like it or not, watch out Tim.

I am also learning that I get anxious easily, so I am trying to find ways to calm that. I read this thing about high functioning anxiety and I was just like, wow. I may not have an actual anxiety disorder but I certainly have anxiety revolving around the desire to control my environment and if I don’t learn to calm it, it could become one, I suppose.

I guess I am trying to be more introspective to learn my triggers and understand what makes me react or get upset or whatnot so I can try to stop the foot in mouth disease that I have. 

And if I do have a negative reaction that was uncalled for, I am trying to go and apologize for it and say I handled it wrong and I was just frustrated/upset….label whatever the feeling was…both for me and for the other person. I know I cannot take back my words or my reaction, but I can at least own it and show that I see it and admit I could have handled it better. Hopefully I will be able to stop the reaction first the more I work on it…but I figure I have to start somewhere.

I hope this shows a healthy way to handle these types of things. I want to be a good example and teach the right way to deal with emotions. I am not perfect at it but I am at the point I want to try and to change and to be better, seeing that it’s not everybody else, it’s me. I’m in control.

Ugh coffee. Making me jittery and introspective all at the same time. You are so delicious….yet confusing!

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