maybe I’m just weird?

I know. It’s been awhile. Like, I’ll be starting my third trimester in a few days and the last time I was around was to say that baby bista was a boy.

Which, by the way, he’s a boy with no name. Guess we better get on that…not that we haven’t tried. We are just having a really hard time coming up with a name, or even a few names (which is preferable), to choose from when he’s born. I’m hoping something just comes to us soon….like a lightbulb moment…I digress.

My whole point of this post really has nothing to do with baby bista. At least, not yet. 

So, lately, Tim and I have really been trying to pick out battles with Kellan the threenager (why didn’t anyone warn me??? Holy roller coaster of emotions every five minutes). We are trying (and I say trying because we fail a lot. Daily. It’s pretty frustrating to feel like you really suck at parenting at least once every day, usually more)….anyhow, we are trying to let things go unless it is a legitimate safety or respect issue. 

You want to eat standing up? Not use any utensil at all, ever? Make “animals” out of play doh and let them dry out? Wipe the stainless steel refrigerator with wipes to “clean it?” Use five different chapsticks every ten seconds and roll them up so far that half of the stick gets stuck in the top? Put stickers all over the banister to make it “beautiful?,” pack single toys and objects into thirty separate gallon ziplock bags? Race your cars through flour? You want to do alllllllllllll of this along with a myriad of other activities that can make a type A person go insane and also take forever to clean up?

Knock yourself out, kid. Do it. Do all of those things. We aren’t here to stop you.

Do we want to say no?

Yes.

All the time. 

ALL. THE. TIME.

But…we aren’t.

We may be cringing on the inside, but we let him go. Unless it’s respect (like hitting the dogs’ crate to scare them) or safety related (like trying to jump while on the stairs – OMG kid almost gave me a heart attack. Had he fallen, it would have been 15 steps down and backwards).

We are trying to just go with it, and it is HARD. 

[cue me whining] I don’t want to wait five minutes for him to pick a bedtime story and then change his mind after he gets all settled in. 

I was like too bad. 

And Tim was like, is this really that important to battle over?

No, it isn’t….([whining again] but I’m tired!!!!)

I guess that’s where the rub lies. Kellan wants to do, or not do, something that we don’t want to deal with because we can already see the outcome. We know the end game.

But….he doesn’t. And how is he to if of they he is never given the chance? Trial and error. Hypothesize. Experiment. Fail.

And fail and fail and fail.

Or, maybe he’s just expressing his creativity. The 30 gallon bag activity was a beast of a mess to clean up, but Kellan was so into it. What he was doing he was calling an “important job” and who am I to tell him it’s not?

Or trying to be helpful, like with the wipes. Tim has an OCD thing about streaks on stainless, and let me tell you, baby wipes leave more than just a streak. More like a film or impossible to remove streaks. But, Kellan sees that activity as cleaning. He’s trying to bechelpful. Why kill that desire, even if at the time it isn’t 100% correct? Yes, we can give him the appropriate cleaning tools, but that was a spontaneous act and why stop him when he sees what he’s doing as helping mom and dad?

So, I’m not exaggerating about any of this. All real. All happening on a daily basis. I told Tim that we are going to have to have and keep a sense of humor about all of this, plus the sass and attitude we are getting and will continue to get, or this whole parenting experience is going to be miserable.

And no one wants to be miserable.

So, enjoy our messes, and go make your own. Maybe I’m in the minority and I’ll end up with hooligans, but this is how we have decided to approach this. We are letting go of control (and it’s really hard)….and neat and tidiness…and trying to overlay what we want Kellan (and eventually baby bista) to do and/or how to do it versus what he wants to do. Unless it comes to safety or respect. Then we draw a line.

I’m sure lots of parents think we are crazy. And maybe we are, I don’t know. That’s the benefit, really, because no one knows what they’re doing when it comes to being a parent. You’re learning on the job, just like everyone else, and no two kids are the same, so no method isn’t a catch all. 

I figure you have to ebb and flow.

So. Here we are. Real life. Ebbing and flowing.

The bags. The other half were on the coffee table:



The lack of utensils. That’s birthday cake frosting by the way.

The Chapstick….



The five hundred play doh animals that were eventually thrown away:



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11 Responses to “maybe I’m just weird?”


  1. 1 Joann March 6, 2015 at 3:15 pm

    About half the time I went with it, the other half I fought it. My girls are doing okay, and I have survived with very little gray to show for it. Hang in there!

  2. 3 Stella's Mommy March 6, 2015 at 3:23 pm

    He’s pretty cute doing all that mischief. My kid hoards any kind of bag she can find (not just ziplock) and put various random things in them. I find them hidden all over her room. Kids like bags

  3. 5 grannyghioto March 6, 2015 at 3:30 pm

    he is adorable – to be sure – but just remember the folks he meets out there in the world may not agree and then his heart will be broken again and again as he thought doing these things were OK – healthy boundaries do not restrict his creativity – they strengthen his character.

    • 6 Jessica March 6, 2015 at 3:50 pm

      The battles I’m pretty sure won’t be an issue come that point. I don’t think he’ll be foregoing a fork or hoarding things in plastic bags by then 🙂

  4. 7 Spot March 6, 2015 at 4:05 pm

    We went with the flow, other than respect and safety as well, and our kids turned out fineish. 🙂 They are productive members of society and people like them so I figure it’s a win! Also, no one dropped out of school, got pregnant as a teen, or went to jail. Yay!! They are polite and respectful to their elders and help others when they can. They also think for themselves and don’t follow the crowd. I think you’re on the right track, Jess.

  5. 8 Nonni March 6, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    You Know I totally believe in letting them become their own person. After all a flower bud put in a tight square cube will never bloom. But this is hard on you and will be even harder once the babe is here. I think steering him in different directions is not anti creative. And he is smart so a good discussion on being wasteful might be in order. Waste as in products and mummy’s energy. Try it gently to see how it goes over. As I said he is smart. He will understand far more than we think he will sending lots of love….and luck.

  6. 9 lucindalines March 7, 2015 at 8:22 am

    Oh the joys of deciding how to parent. We were just the opposite, and the children still did what they wanted. I just feel for you trying to deal with all of that while pregnant. I would have been so stressed. Still enjoy the time of the threenager, it is fun to read your posts.

  7. 11 Stephanie July 18, 2015 at 2:57 pm

    Really worried about you and new baby!!!! Haven’t seen anything new on instagram or blog.. Very worried!


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