For me….

Who am I, even? I mean, I was thinking about it last night (why, brain? I have no idea). I realized that not once in my life had I ever say myself down for a little chat. Something like, “Hi, self. Where do you see your life going? Who and what do you want to be?”

I’ve just kind of let the wind take me wherever….and here I am. Mom. Wife. Thirty-one years old (OMG).

I mean, “the wind” really took me to lofty places. I have nothing to complain about. I can go buy a burrito for lunch without a second thought (I actually did have a burrito for lunch, thank you very much. Bean and cheese, more like lots of bean, where’s the cheese?). I have the most incredible kid ever….husband’s not too shabby, either. Cleans up nice. Smells good. Makes breakfast on the weekends.

But yes, see. Here’s where we find the dilemma. What about me? Am I just supposed to be a mom and that’s it? I feel like, as much as I truly love and feel so blessed to be a mom – because I actually love my “job,” I feel like there should be more. For me. I want more. For me. Is that so wrong?

I feel like it’s not. At all. I just don’t know what I want. I don’t know what my role is supposed to be. Am I supposed to be the support system for Tim, so he can climb the ladder and reach his career goals…while at the same time, devote most of my productive time and energy to raising Kellan? Then once all that happens, I can switch gears? Do my stuff?

I know that there are many moms who do it all. Work and wife and parent. I am not sure how I could handle that…I’m barely keeping it together some days and I don’t have a (second) job that requires my attention. I have no idea how the working moms/wives do it all without going crazy. Mad respect for you women.

Still. I feel like I need something for me. To feel accomplished. Like I’m doing something for myself, my life. Something lasting. Meaningful.

But whaaaaaaaat……..?????

(Rhetorical question)

3 Responses to “For me….”

  1. 1 Sanibel April 17, 2014 at 12:14 pm

    Sounds like it is time for soul searching? You’ll find it:)

  2. 2 taryn April 25, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    So… Made any progress?

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