So, I am technically blogging every day. I’m just not publishing them. Until the end of each month.
The start of my 365 days of thankfulness. I reflected on the one thing I was most thankful for at the end of every day as part of my journey to live a happy, positive life…
…and this is what happened….in January.
January 1: I am thankful that Tim and I cleared the stagnant air between us, so that we are now, hopefully, able to move forward in our marriage, even though getting to that point meant having a not-so-fun trip to Home Depot (as in, a silly argument that turned into defcon 1 and resulted in getting zero items from the store and a lot of hurtful things said by both parties).
January 2: the ability to buy a new toilet for my mom’s bathroom back home while my brothers are renovating it. It’s not much but it is at least something that I can do to help.
January 3: that I was able to laugh and laugh and laugh at Tim talking out loud to himself while putting food down the drain into the disposal saying, “I’m not touching that with my hands….I’m using a SPOON.” It was so honest and so funny because he didn’t realize he was saying it out loud. My laughing at him like this hasn’t happened in a looooooong time
January 4: family snow shoveling. Kellan had so much fun, especially when Tim started to re shovel the long sidewalk that goes to the end of the street. Kellan would run after him yelling, “follow daddy!” and then juke the snow shovel as he passed. We all had so much fun.
January 5: I realized that
I seem to randomly hurt myself a after having a silly negative thought. Example: getting irritated at the dogs for wanting to go out right as I finally say form to eat breakfast after unloading the dishwasher, drying rack,, making Kellan breakfast, etc. I hit my knee on the leg of the table as I got up to let them out and it jarred me out of my negativity. Not sure if it is my subconscious telling me to get a grip or not, but it worked.
January 6: watching Kellan grow up (it is happening TOO FAST!!) and trying so, so hard to do/say the things we ask of him, like saying “yes mommy” instead of his very newly acquired, nonchalant way of answering “yah.” And how he will go throw away his diaper (pee only) – as in he takes it to the trash, opens the cabinet, throws it in, and then closes the cabinet….and then says “I did it!”
January 7: After watching how comfortable Kellan was with doing things without me – including going upstairs to play with his friend at her house when both moms were still downstairs – I realized that allowing him to still co sleep and nurse is the right thing. Doing those things allow him to feel comfortable and safe and know I am always there, which is resulting in him becoming more independent and willing to venture out on his own/not be clingy. I read about this happening, but at the time, I was skeptical. I have stuck with it, though, and now, actually seeing this transformation happen to me, with Kellan, makes my heart feel so happy.
January 8: Tim volunteering to clean the juicer for the second night in a row. He actually stood by the sink and waited/has to tell me that was why he was standing there as I out the juicer pieces in the sink. It’s a pain to clean and after a long work day for him, he was still willing to do that for me because he knows it’s not my favorite task – though I’ve never said if out loud, I know he knows.
January 9: Being able to go grocery shopping alone. Tim stayed home after I had a long night with Kellan/very little sleep. I had planned on going grocery shopping anyway, but with Tim home, I could go without having to worry about Kellan getting bored, etc. He was able to stay home and have fun instead. It’s the little things.
January 10: Being able to show someone at Tim’s work where I bought a family picture frame he has in his office. She had seen it in his office and had since been searching and searching for it. She wanted it for her grandson/his family. She was so excited when I showed her where to buy it, she gave me a hug. It was this frame. And we were at Tim’s work for biometric (aka blood draw etc for insurance) day.
January 11: random “warm” (45 degrees) days in the middle of the winter where playing in the snow at the park is fun and you actually wished you had worn less layers.
January 12: My creative brain. It’s wired very differently but it also comes up with some pretty cool ideas.
January 13: Remembering (at basically the end of the day) to try and take everything day by day, minute by minute, instead of trying to anticipate what could *potentially* be in our future. Tim received some “maybe” news at work at the end of last week, and we have been thinking and planning and obsessing over it ever since. At some point today, I had the thought to just stop. Live more in the moment, instead of thinking about what may or may not happen. We will not know until we know, and once that happens, we can start obsessing. Until then, I realized that I need to enjoy right now. And I’m thankful I had enough self awareness to even have that thought. I don’t think that would have happened even two months ago.
January 14: Struggling coming up with a thankful moment from today, as I am currently hungry and stuck laying in bed with an extra clingy child (which means I’m going to bed hungry. And I strongly dislike that feeling). Maybe I should be thankful that I am able to rest, now, and recharge for another day….and I did just think of something. I am thankful for Kellan’s ability to verbally communicate. It makes it easier on everyone and tends to result in less crying and temper tantrums…and also plenty of funny moments, like at lunch today when he kept saying something that sounded like “I’m very hungry” or “I’m barely hungry” – I kept repeating both and he kept saying it again, which meant I was not getting it. Finally, he looked down at his stomach, touched it, and said, “BELLY HUNGRY!”
January 15: that Tim willingly learned how to do “Cups.” after dinner – and wants to keep doing it over and over. It’s so cute.
January 16: I had the wherewithal to walk into the closet and grab a sweater and say out loud to reset and stop getting frustrated with Kellan. He was hungry for breakfast and wanted to re-watch the intro song to The Wiggles over and over and over and if it wasn’t rewound fast enough, he got whiny. And it got frustrating. But then I realized what was going on (hunger, boredom, as I had been getting ready/showering). So, I reset and came back with a smile, versus staying in my early morning (ridiculous) funk over the already-whining.
January 17: Tim still playing with me even though I was being a crabby patty because Kellan didn’t sleep the night before and he was awake/requesting snack after trying to get him to go to sleep (the playing was me trying to grab a piece of cheese from Kellan’s snack cup in bed while Tim was holding it and he’d teasingly move it away so I couldn’t get any. It made me laugh).
January 18: Tim watching Kellan without complaint while I work on some “me” projects…though the current one are party favors for Kellan’s birthday (wooden block puzzles)
January 19: The fun morning walk to the reservoir with the dogs in tow, post a yummy blueberry-lemon muffin breakfast, it was actually hot! 60 degrees for the high today!
January 20: I am thankful that Kellan was ok after tripping while running on the sidewalk and face planting so hard his head bounced off the concrete. He cried – hard – and I didn’t even hesitate to pick him up. I wiped his nose, as he was crying so hard boogers were flying out everywhere, making him even more upset. He cried and wanted me to hold him a bit longer….and then said he wanted to get down and keep playing/walking around outside. So we continues our journey outside for another 45 or so minutes. I know there are moments to not rush over when you kid falls, but today was not one of those moments. And I’m thankful I am able to give him enough comfort and reassurance that he wants to keep going with his adventure after getting some hugs and love.
January 21; Thermacare heat pads. For those days when you lift the giant thing of laundry detergent wrong and pull a muscle in your back that results in a knife like pain any time you breathe/twist/move the wrong way. And that “injury” happened yesterday….
January 22: even though I still continue amaze myself with my computer illiteracy, Tim still finds a way to make me laugh…at myself.
January 23: Watching Kellan peel clementine after clementine. I would start them and he would finish peeling the skin off. He struggled some, said “I need help!” some, but in the end, when he finished it himself and I would get very excited and tell him he did a great job, he would get so happy and excited and say “Kellan did it!” Even Tim sent a text back to me after I sent him a video saying he never thought he could get so much joy from watching someone peel a clementine. Me either.
January 24: Kellan asking for a milkshake after dinner at Five Guys…and then us going to a place the opposite direction of home. We had never been to the place before (Freddie’s Frozen Custard) and it happened to have a King Soopers across the street with a gas station, and we needed gas. After getting the milkshake and filling up, it was dark and we headed home, only to see a bunch of flashing lights and red brake lights in front of us a few miles later, blocking our way home. Then we were caught on a set of railroad tracks while two fire engines came out of nowhere and were trying to get past us to rush to the accident that had just happened and had shut down the road. While we were waiting for the fire trucks to make their way through, the cross bars started coming down and a train whistle sounded – as in coming right at us. And there we were stuck in the middle of it all, one fire truck still trying to pass us. Tim drove off the tracks really quickly and we took a short detour around the accident, but two scary events in a row – one being the accident – had we not made the random decision to try the new milkshake place/the random, exact gas station we needed across the street, we could have been in the accident, and two – the train/us getting away and off the tracks safely (I’m pretty sure I yelled, “It’s a train GO! MOVE! GO!” while Tim was trying to figure out how to stay out of the way of the fire trucks). So, today, I am very thankful for safety…that God was watching over us tonight. I have no doubt that He was.
January 25: being reminded from a sad story from Tim to stop whining about no sleep/tough nights with Kellan when he is a smart, healthy, amazing little boy.
January 26: the realization the the past few nights of terrible sleep was due to Kellan and his brain growing and figuring new things out. He asked me tonight – unprompted and out of nowhere, “What’s that called, mommy?” – he was referring to a bottle of wine, but that’s beside the point. And later, after dinner, when I asked him if he wanted chocolate chips, he legit responded, “I don’t need chocolate chips.”
January 27: that Kellan was okay after falling down the stairs (8 of them) and face first onto the landing. He was trying to carry three Thomas trains and trying to walk down (I think. I didn’t see it. I was in the kitchen putting something away. I feel like a terrible, awful, no good parent).
January 28: So glad my family is home safe and not stuck/stranded on the highways of Atlanta from today’s snow…Also thankful we live somewhere that can handle snow…versus a few inches crippling the entire city/metro. Yikes.
January 29: a fun night of painting and eating ice cream on the kitchen floor.
January 30: Watching Kellan. He is do fascinated with the world around him and will stop in his tracks to inspect something…like the giant display of rabbits at Hobby Lobby. And how well he listens/follows directions. He isn’t even two and he can already follow multi-step requests (pick up the buttons/put them in the jar/put on the lid).
January 31: Laughter. Lots of laughing with Tim making a video for one of Kellan’s friends who really loves Tim (we have no idea why)….and then again when Lexi got stuck in table jail because she was eating scraps off the floor under the kitchen table and we unknowingly pushed the chairs in around her, trapping her underneath. Tim saw her however much longer later (maybe 15 min?) and just started cracking up. And then I did, too.