not yet

Some days….I feel like I’m doing it all right.

Other days……eh. What am I even doing?!

Lately, it’s been like a bombardment of notifications about people having their second child. I saw one just via Facebook yesterday from someone who has a child a week younger than Kellan. Baby two. On the way.

We aren’t even there yet, people.

I want to want another kid. I do. I really, really do. I think about it almost every day. It frustrates me. It bothers me. Is something wrong with me?? Why do I not have some overwhelming desire for baby two? Aren’t my ovaries supposed to be yelling at me to procreate or something? Where is their megaphone?

I try to look into the future and “picture” our family. When I do, I feel like I see two kids. I feel like I see Kellan with a younger sibling.

Then, snap back to reality (oops, there goes gravity) and I’m like AM I SMOKING CRACK?! I don’t want to do this again. This is hard. I already struggle. I barely and rarely have a minute to myself.

I’ve tried to convince myself to stop thinking about it. To wait another year and see how I (we) feel. There is part of me that just knows – for whatever reason – that right now is not the right time. Call it my maternal instinct or sixth sense or whatever. But I am certain that now is not good. It’s not right. Whoever the next little person is that may come into our life is not ready to be here, yet. And I’m not ready for them, either, so really, it all works out.

And then the little voice says, “But what if you’re never ready?”

The circle continues.


7 Responses to “not yet”

  1. 1 Joann October 17, 2013 at 1:30 pm

    You are already in this. I had mine 4 1/2 years apart and had to get used to the no sleep thing again, the no energy thing, the never having a moment to myself thing all over again. Now I’m about to have one graduating from High School and one who is just finishing 7th grade. Decide what works for you, how do you want it? How do you and your husband want it? That is what’s important, not how everyone else sees it working for them.

  2. 2 Sanibel October 17, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you need to trust your maternal instinct. You will know when you are ready. Don’t push it. I think so many people push having kids back to back. It is what works for you. Right now you are enjoying your time with Kellan and that is what counts.

  3. 3 Mrs Loquacious October 17, 2013 at 7:25 pm

    Yeah, we’re not there yet either. And we may never get there, which is okay too. Little L will be loved either way, as will Kellan šŸ˜‰

  4. 4 Casey October 18, 2013 at 8:38 am

    When you’re ready, you’re ready… and if you’re not? Well, then maybe Kellan will be an only child. It’s YOUR family and you do what you feel is right. I wasn’t sure I wanted a second child for a long time, even though Hubby really really wanted one. Finally, when Eli was about 2 1/2 I thought it felt right. Now we have a 3 1/2 year old and a newborn, and it’s great. Eli is big enough to be independent and to help out and (most importantly) to understand a lot of what comes with having someone super small in the house.

  5. 5 Debbie Q October 18, 2013 at 2:46 pm

    If you are ready, Great! If Kellen is an only child, then that is great too. There is no rule that says you have to have more than one child.

  6. 6 Angelia Sims October 18, 2013 at 5:01 pm

    Long time blog friend here nodding my head at you. Pretty sure you weren’t ready for Kellan. But it was more perfect than you could imagine. Personally, I think 5 yrs apart is just about perfect. My two step girls are two years and that is almost too much. No…. IS too much.

  7. 7 bevchen November 13, 2013 at 8:28 am

    I read once that 4 years apart is the perfect distance.

    I know many, many people who are on their second or even third child now. Me? 30 and childless. Also, unmarried. I need to convince myself that I never wanted those things anyway.

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