I *want* to be that person…but I’m not

Tim: I just wanted you to know that Kelly (his haircut person I saw for the first time on Saturday) said, completely unsolicited, by the way, “Wow! She’s so pretty!”

Me: Are you sure she was referring to me? Because really. Zero makeup, hair in a messy ponytail thing, bags under my eyes? Food or deodorant or both – probably – on my clothes? And besides, you pay her.

Tim: Um. I don’t pay her for unsolicited compliments.


You know, there actually was once a time in my life where I was petrified of leaving the house without makeup, having my hair pretty, and wearing the *perfect* outfit.

I even wore makeup to basketball practice, where I would get sweaty and hot and bang up on anyone under the basket trying to get a rebound.

But, you better believe I’d look good running up and down the hardwood (basketball court for the sports illiterate).

Then, at some point in college, I started caring less. And less. And less.

And soon, I was wearing sweatpants to class without a stitch if makeup, smirking as the freshman who were all dolled up, though secretly wishing I had the energy and desire to put that much effort into my morning.

Becoming a mom made me not care at all. Did I accomplish all of the non-neggotiables? Shower? Brush my teeth? Put on deodorant? Am I wearing pants? Check, check, check, check?

We’re good to go.

A shower is kind of like my thing. Do not expect an overly pleasant conversation – or more than a one word, curt response – until I’ve had my shower and I can remove the swamp from my mouth.

My mom learned this wonderful tidbit about my personality a looooooong time ago. There would be arguments over absolutely nothing in the mornings before school until she figured out that I needed time – and a shower – to wake up and become a pleasant person instead of a raging (okay, maybe not raging) beast of a human. A simple question like, “do you want toast for breakfast?” had the potential to set me off all, “I’m not even hungry!”

Okay – I think I just took a detour from the point I was trying to make…moral of the story: don’t mess with me or ask me questions until I’ve had a shower and I approach you, capisce (“cah-peesh” people)? End tangent.

So, my whole point was that I no longer care that I do not wear makeup unless it is some kind of occasion that calls for that kind of extra effort. I’ll curl my eyelashes because it takes like, a minute, but that’s usually the extent of my beauty regimen.

Thing is, though? I would love to spend an extra twenty minutes to do all the frilly stuff. I just…don’t have an extra twenty minutes and even if I did?

Doubtful I’d start spending it in front of a mirror. I would like to say I would, but, obviously, if I’ve gone this long (think college) without actually caring….I don’t see it changing any time soon.

I want to be that person who cares…who always looks put together…never frumpy…wears makeup to go to the grocery store…but I’m just…sigh. I’m just not her.

*Unless* I’m invited to do the kinds of activities that require a cute outfit, curled hair, and a pretty face.

Unfortunately, buying food, running errands, and toddler play dates do not fall into that category.

I honestly cannot remember the last time I wore cute shoes and wasn’t wearing a nursing tank under my regular clothes. Oh. Wait. It was almost nineteen months ago.

(Related: Tieks, please help…my feet. Do you make size 11…and potentially a half?).

I’m more for convenience and comfort than style, because I cannot be chasing a kid through a playground with a dress on. Hello, awkward situation waiting to happen.

Fashionista I am not. Someone may want to call that intervention show where they throw away all your clothes and give you a better wardrobe. I think we may be at that point. I’m so far down the frumpy path that I can’t see the forest for the trees.


3 Responses to “I *want* to be that person…but I’m not”

  1. 1 ala139 September 10, 2013 at 3:32 pm

    I was just going to say I should nominate you for what not to wear.
    And I think once in awhile you should take the time to do it. For you. Because it does matter and you are worth it. You’re more than Kellan’s mom or Tim’s wife. You’re you. And while you are completely beautiful just being you sans all the fruffry stuff, you deserve the fruffry stuff and not every day – because, obviously -, but once in awhile you should do it. So when you catch a glimpse of yourself reflected in the freezer door of the frozen food section for just an instant you can have a “damn I look good!” moment. Because we all deserve those.

  2. 2 lucindalines September 12, 2013 at 11:42 am

    Oh, I ditto the above. It is so easy to just survive your child’s childhood, but if you don’t take care of you a few times along the way, you won’t be around (emotionally or socially) to take care of them. Now a side track, think back to your college sports competition, I will bet you say as hard as that was at the time, it was easier than being a mother. I have heard that from lots of women athletes. Today I am wishing you a happy, blessed day!!

  3. 3 Sanibel September 13, 2013 at 6:12 pm

    I’ll agree with the other ladies too:) I can go complete grunge and not care on the weekends but it does feel good to feel a bit better when I dress for work come Monday morning. Although can I just say that it is nice to get to a point in your life to just not give a shit. The grocery store, the post office, etc. Why did I ever fear what people might think of me while I bought meat?

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