are you my friend?

I’ve had many people I considered friends over the years. Some…I have no idea where they are or how they’re doing. Others I keep tabs with on Facebook (that’s a stalker sentence if I’ve ever heard one…but you know what I mean). And some I actually still see in person.

What qualifies someone actually being your friend? As in, they aren’t your “friend” because they feel obligated or because they see some benefit to themselves in hanging out with you. And by benefit I don’t mean just being around you because you’re awesome and they like your company.

(I’m excluding all bloggy friends in this post. You are in a totally separate category and I wish we all lived closer. I’m looking at you, Shannon, Jo, Jess, Carrie….the list goes on)

I will never understand why girls…women…are so catty. It must be in our DNA or something. I mean, not every girl is catty all the time.

But let’s be honest.

We all have our moments. I’m not perfect and I never will be, but, I do try to be a good friend to those who I consider friends. I try. Where I get stuck is when I feel like I’m the only one trying. Or I’m trying to be friends with those people who are your pity friends. Like, I don’t really *want* to be good friends but let’s hang out because I also don’t want to hurt your feelings and say no. I mean, really. It’s okay if you don’t want to be friends. We can be “Hi, how are you?” acquaintances or we can never speak again. Either way, we will both survive.

I am lucky enough to have two people in my life now I consider true friends who I know, without a doubt, I could count on, regardless of the situation, the time of day or night, whatever. Even if my emergency need was 100% inconvenient for them, they would never say otherwise. They would be there.

Grants, two is more than some people have, though I still struggle with building friendships with others when I’m not sure of their intentions…or if I’m only considered a friend when it’s convenient for them. Or…the list goes on. Sigh. I need a sandbox and a neat snack. That seemed to work as a kid.


10 Responses to “are you my friend?”

  1. 1 Sanibel September 4, 2013 at 12:51 pm

    Quit staring at me like that:)
    I struggle with this whole friends business too, blog friends aside. IRL friends are tough. I have the one I can count on at all hours of the day. The others I just wonder, what is the point? Do we do it just because we work together? We should live closer. I could be your wine friend:)

  2. 3 Sanibel September 4, 2013 at 12:55 pm

    Everyone needs one. I’ll just go ahead and take that spot:) Thaaanks

  3. 4 Nysoonergirl September 4, 2013 at 3:35 pm

    Isn’t it funny how it’s so much easier to open up to strangers on the Internet than those right in your face?
    I only have 2 really good friends too. The rest are fun friends, as in there’s no substance. Like when my grandma died, they disappeared.

  4. 5 Jolene September 5, 2013 at 3:09 pm

    aww shucks, you are my friendy friend tooooo!! 🙂 I am SO WITH YOU on the cattiness. I am so over that crap too. I have pared down my friend list for that very reason…no cattiness, no drama. not worth it. I will be your wine friend too hehe.

  5. 7 PJ September 5, 2013 at 9:12 pm

    I have found it exceptionally difficult with moving also – until this summer I hadn’t been in the same place for more than 4 years since high school. I have friends from those places, but if I really (like really) needed someone, I don’t know who would come to me. Part of it is also my extreme need to feel independent.

    I think that sometimes we stay friends with people because there is something larger at work. For example, a girl that I was reluctantly friends with in middle and high school is one of my closest friends now. And I just keep thinking, what if I had said no or been mean to her like most everyone else? Plus, it’s usually not hard or painful to be get together with someone occasionally and it might really make their day or week.

    • 8 Jessica September 6, 2013 at 8:57 am

      So true, PJ! The independent thing, absolutely. The reason certain people hang on as semi-friends and turn into real, genuine friends…and hanging out with someone because it might make their day. Totally agree on all of those!

      And we could definitely be real life friends, I’m certain of it.

  6. 9 lucindalines September 5, 2013 at 10:01 pm

    I picked up on the catty and women thing. I have three sisters and an aunt that is very close to my age as well as five sisters-in-law. I really have no other really close women friends. I have always found men to be easier to be friends with because they don’t have the drama.

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