entirely too much ado about poo

Let’s take a break from toddlers and mom stuff and instead try to remember that we also own five animals. Two dogs, three cats. The spring is a pain in the you know where because winter coats? They don’t stay on.

Current fur level set to: Explosive molting.

Anyhow, Tim had the lovely task of carting four of our five (one of the dogs stayed home) fur children to the vet on Saturday, brave soul that he is. The vet tech told him we were crazy, bringing them all in at once.

This is probably true.

Here they are…top left is Alegre, hiding. Below Alegre is Chloe (back) and Gracie in front, and Maddie, the lone canine in the group. 20130609-103558.jpg

But that is just how it happened to work out. They were all due for shots and what’s a wife to do when she also has a busy, does not want to sit still – EVER, 16 month old?

She packs up the animals, writes a list of questions for the vet on a pad and sends her husband with uplifting parting words all, “It’ll be fine! Good luck and don’t forget to get Alegre’s butt shaved and have Maddie’s anal glands expressed!”

Alegre is our oldest cat and for some reason, her butt is shaped like an extruder instead of….whatever shape a normal cat butt looks like so poo comes out and doesn’t stick to the sides (gag). The solution to keep that “area” sanitary is to have it furless. You’ll see in a minute why we don’t dare attempt that kind up close encounter with her rear end.

And our golden retriever, Maddie, has had issues with her butt (read: every time she poops, it’s a runny, mucous covered alien. Excuse me while I gag).

This issue will not go away.

Our new vet that we recently switched to, heard all of her symptoms and thinks she may have hypothyroidism. If her bloodwork comes back showing that, it could solve a myriad of problems along with the poo (unexplained weight gain, always sad/low energy, hip joint issues, etc).

Hear me, people: I don’t care if the bloodwork comes back showing an invasion of tiny leprechauns parading around inside her body. If this vet can fix this issue that has been going on for YEARS, I’ll sing the hallelujah chorus wearing a fedora.

We have tried everything to get her poo to be normal. EVERYTHING. Obviously, something is going on that we can’t seem to fix. Lexi has zero poo issues, so it’s not the environment.

I think we find out her results this week.

So, in other news, Alegre does not like the vet. When she sees the pink carrier come out, she is on high alert that something unpleasant is about to happen.

You know when you see pictures of cats with all four paws on each corner of the carrier, absolutely refusing to go inside, and you think, “Nah…that doesn’t really happen…”

Oh, I can assure you it does.

And she made certain to let everyone know just how dissatisfied she was when Tim had them take her back to shave her butt…


Apparently, Alegre’s ability to voluntarily express her anal glands with that kind of force was a first. The vet was laughing so hard telling Tim what happened that he was crying.

And then? The office manager wouldn’t give us a multi pet discount or any other kind of discount, even though 1: we spent upwards of $500 and 2: the actual techs/vets were like, “If I were in charge, I would…” which then led to this:20130609-104557.jpg

Moral of the story: If you’re going to have pets, be sure to get one with assitude..


1 Response to “entirely too much ado about poo”

  1. 1 PJ June 13, 2013 at 2:10 pm

    This is amazing!

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