So, last night I had two of my least favorite, though recurring, dreams.
The first was me hearing a tornado while I was in the kitchen and trying to get Kellan put of his high chair as fast as possible to get into the basement. Of course, undoing the buckles on the straps took forever and I was panicking because I couldn’t seem to undo them fast enough. Somehow, though, we made it safely downstairs, though I don’t exactly remember the end of that dream.
The second one? My mom was driving me somewhere that I needed to be at a certain time, in a city we were not familiar with. We kept going down the wrong streets. Then? She started going up an on-ramp and then kept going and I was like, “What are you doing??” And then she drove right off the road, which happened to be a bridge, I guess, because down we went. The weird part is that she and the car went faster than me? I was above them, though still falling, and trying desperately to undo my seatbelt, which looked a lot like Kellan’s high chair straps. That dream woke me up like a shot and my legs were tingling and everything. Legitimate physical response to that dream.
Oh. That reminds me. I had a third dream. Crazy night for dreams I guess. The third dream was actually the first one I had. I was at a house with both my mom and Tim’s dad and Kellan. Tim was at work or somewhere, I guess. Anyway, I was trying to get ready to go out with someone, who was a dude and I’m pretty sure it was like a prom? I don’t even know why I would be going to prom….anyway, I had not even started getting ready AT the time I was supposed to leave and all of a sudden I asked my mom/Tim’s dad if either would watch Kellan. They both basically said no after hemming and hawing. I stood there like, “How am I supposed to enjoy my outing if I also have to take care of Kellan at the same time??”
Finally, they decided they could watch him for a few hours and I got ready as fast as I could, throwing on a random dress that was lying around and then apologizing profusely to whoever the person was I was going to dinner/prom ???) with because I was so late.
Once we got to dinner, I remember looking across the table at him and thinking he didn’t look anything like I thought he did initially. And he ordered some kind of appetizer that he had had before to try and hurry things along, since I had limited time. And then he starts telling me how he met his wife? girlfriend? at this place. They met because they caught each other’s eyes in these large wine bottles on a shelf that lined the ceiling. They were both looking at one at the same time or something? It was odd. That’s pretty much where that dream ended.
I know that both tornadoes and falling off things can mean a loss of control in your life. And in a sense, I’ve totally lost being able to control much of my day, being at the whim of a toddler. I also read that the driving off a bridge or whatever can mean that you’re not on the path you want to be in life or that you’re struggling to get onto the path you want to be on.
So, to recap:
Tornadoes = no control
Bridge = wrong path
The third dream, to me, says that I lack the resources to help me with Kellan so I have time to myself/time to work on and do the things I want to do that will put me on the path that I already know I want to be on. That’s my struggle. I know the path. I know what I want to (try) to do. I just don’t have the help to free up time for me to get there.
I know, what about Tim?
He works pretty much 12 hour days and the weekends are full of all the things he didn’t have time to do during the week or errands or appointments. So, no real reprieve anywhere. It is pretty much a continuous cycle of getting nothing accomplished (for me, anyway).
And what about me?
I have no idea.
Obviously, I need…well, lots of things. Time, for starters.