First: my life has been taken over by Christmas. That’s where I’ve been. Wrapped in tinsel and paper and running around like a crazy person.
Second: if my in real life friend reads this, this is to you: all in good fun…no offense meant and we still love you…both. Always. Thank you for giving us a good laugh – we needed it – and this only makes you that much more fun.
So, the other night, Tim, Kellan and I had dinner at a friend’s house. Let’s call her B. And her husband – we’ll call him K. And their kiddo will be N. I’m not divulging names since they aren’t mine to divulge…
Anyhow, so, dinner. It was pretty inauspicious. Pizza with ground turkey tomato sauce and boiled artichokes. Kellan and N had peas, too, but Kellan was more interested in dropping and placing his food everywhere except his mouth. Their floor, table, chair, probably wall…all got a special pizza sauce treatment.
I don’t like leaving messes. B doesn’t like messes, period.
You can imagine the horror that went through my brain when she was like, “No. Don’t clean it up!”
And inside I’m like, “BUT. BUT. BUT. MESS!!!!!!”
Then B was like, “It’ll be a good lesson for all of us.”
K ended up cleaning the Kellan mess.
Wait. I’m getting way ahead of myself, here. Waaaay ahead.
During dinner, conversation somehow turned to how B got worms for K for a gift.
Real, live, squiggly ones.
They live in the basement and eat leftover food and make compost.
I’m not even kidding.
I’m pretty sure they don’t roam free or anything. B wouldn’t be able to deal with that – nor would I. Worms give me the ebee geebies. Shudder.
B had to take delivery of them worms (oh, yah. You can ship these puppies.) and about had a panic attack because WORMS. The first set didn’t make it – the “move” from wherever they came from was too stressful (I cannot believe I’m using “worms” and “stress” in the same sentence). The second group seemed to survive, I guess, because as we were all putting our artichoke leaves into a bowl, K was all, “I wonder if my worms will like these?”
(that’s how the conversation started, by the way. It’s all coming back to me, now)
Tim and I looked at each other and then looked at B and then K like, “WORMS?”
That’s when K explained the delivery story and compost, yada yada yada.
As B was about to pick up the bowl of artichoke leaves to set aside for the worms, K was all, “Wait…no. I don’t know if they can eat all of that…and besides, I’m not sure what they’ll like…”
We don’t want to stuff them. Or give them something that they will reject. Travesty!
Then, in the middle of the worm shenanigans, Kellan decided he was DONE WITH DINNER and I had to take him to the sink, food falling off of him with every step.
The rest of the evening…wasn’t about worms…though as we were leaving, Tim was holding Kellan and K was upstairs in the loft area that overlooks the downstairs, getting a bath ready for N (their kiddo). Tim started doing a slow wave all, “Goodnight…gooooodniiighttt…..gooooodniiiighhtttt!” and then K stopped and was like, “Isn’t that from the Sound of Music?”
K: I’m not sure what is more disturbing. You singing that or the fact that I knew what you were singing. Let’s never mention this again.
So, on Tim and my way home?
Of course we talked about the worms.
Tim was all, “Did you hear K when N was trying to help and put pieces of ground turkey into the artichoke pile?”
Tim: Oh, right. You had already gotten up. First, he decided to take N’s leftover peas to give to them worms. Then, as he was picking them out from the pizza pieces on her plate, N decided to try and help and put pieces of ground turkey into the worm food pile and K was like, “N! No! No! The worms are vegetarian! They can’t have turkey!”
This, coming from the same man who received a grain mill for Christmas so he can make beer.
Tim is going to join in on that bit of fun, though, because what guy doesn’t want to MAKE BEER?
Let’s go back to the worms for just a second.
Someone on this planet one day was like, “Hmmmm….I think I want to sell something on the internet. What should I sell? What should I sell?…Hmm…I KNOW!”
And then there they were.
All wrapped up on B and K’s doorstep.