regaining perspective

So…buffness. How’s yours?

I’ve been sidelined by wind today. Yay.

The rest of my buffness took a serious backseat to travel, even though toting a child who weighs upwards of 25+ pounds through three airports in a day should really count for something (can’t you tell I’m trying to justify non-exercise? Lovely).

I ran three days in a row last week. Monday – Wednesday (go me!) and then the travel crazy on Thursday…a short walk on Saturday and an hour long walk on Sunday and then more airport craziness on Monday.

Tuesday?

Let’s just skip Tuesday.

Which brings us to today…and my *plan*is to take Kellan for a jog later this morning when it warms up.

PLAN.

I’m not even sure why I attempt to plan anything anymore because with a baby…plans change and morph and become something completely unlike what you thought your day was going to be.

This?

Harsh reality for someone who likes to plan everything waaaaay ahead of time. As in I like to know what to make for dinner at breakfast.

Now?

We have no plans, really. Just a general, “oh…yah…that should probably happen at some point…”

While we were visiting Tim’s family, we spent some time with his siblings and their significant others – both of his brothers do not have children, yet, so it was kind of a strange dichotomy to see them standing around in a little circle that Tim and I used to also stand in, chatting and talking and not looking after a child, like Tim’s sister does and like Tim and I do, now.

Just watching them, sitting by the high chair, monitoring Kellan with his Cheerios, made me realize how simple life really was before we had him. It is hard to think back to that life…before Kellan.

Trips and weekends and the daily grind is never going to be the like it was, ever again. That life…the twosome life…what was it like, again?

I caught tiny glimpses of what it was like from watching his brothers and their significant others. Their mutual decisions to go to do this or that brought back memories of that life that was only eight months ago but feels like an eternity. Life now is basically survive and….yah. Survive. Our time at Tim’s parent’s house was really no different than home life. I didn’t see Tim any more than usual. We didn’t talk more or spend more time together. It may have been less of both.

I really wouldn’t know because I’m currently in the land of motherhood and though that means, for now, my brain is 99% focused on Kellan and his needs, this land is wonderful, yet daunting.

The twosome life…it was not nearly as rewarding as it is now, what with meeting Kellan’s gaze and seeing his entire face light up, a huge gummy grin spreading across his face, the pure love he has for me in shining through his eyes.

That look is worth every second of fatigue.

That look gives me the perspective I need.

The perspective that is now my reality.

Kellan is so full of life and love, he has the constant desire to learn and please. He finds such pure joy in every little thing he discovers.

My life is so refreshing because he forces me to take a timeout and actually SEE what you’re walking past, towards, around.

That doesn’t happen in a twosome.

You tend to rush by the little things as a twosome. Rush to get to the next thing…rush to get everything done. Rush. Rush. Rush.

Now?

We stop and take time to look at everything.

Rush is no longer in our vocabulary.

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6 Responses to “regaining perspective”


  1. 1 Jeanette Lawrence Ghioto October 17, 2012 at 11:07 am

    stunning reflection on *right order*

  2. 2 jobo October 17, 2012 at 11:13 am

    I am a planner too, obvs. and this would throw me for a loop too. every time. Kudos for letting go of that a bit and realizing, stepping back, that it is all worth it! And yay for bufftober! you are doing awesome!! Airport trips totally count!

  3. 3 lucindalines October 17, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    Enjoy these days, though you feel you have no control, you really do have control of some things. When he goes to school and other activities CONTROLLED by other adults, that is when things really get….let’s just say that loss of control is such a helpless feeling. Oh for the days when the only pain is a skinned knee.

  4. 4 PJ October 17, 2012 at 6:17 pm

    Ooh, buffness…I biked to work today (as you saw on instagram) but I got a flat and didn’t have any tubes to fix it, so no biking back. Which 1) feels like cheating 2) makes me feel weak and like a loser. 😦

  5. 6 Amanda Perry (@amandamaryperry) October 19, 2012 at 9:52 am

    Love this. You are a great mom. Isn’t it amazing to see how much (and how quickly) little ones change every single aspect of our lives?

    I really think you should bite the bullet and take him to the gym daycare or hire someone a few hours a week. It will be worth it….you need to take care of you too. 🙂


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