I go through these cycles – maybe I’m not alone in this – where I feel just…wiped.
I have zero energy even though I’m getting the same amount of sleep. It’s like one day bleeds into another and there is just no….end.
I think I am finally coming out of another one of these…episodes? I have no idea what to call them? It’s like the magical energy fairy comes in the middle of the night and breathes life back into me. Or maybe it’s because I’m exercising more days of the week than not. Something.
Randomly, I was reading about breast feeding and the hormones that go along with it and how sometimes a mother will almost feel depressed when her child weans because of the hormones that go along with weaning.
Lately, Kellan has stopped nursing AS MUCH as he used to (read: all night long most nights, a handful of times throughout the day and now down to once – maybe twice – at night and a handful of times throughout the day), so maybe I’m getting a small taste of what those hormones feel like? It’s probably a good thing it has been a slow process so far (the decrease in nursing) because WOW if I had to stop cold turkey.
White room, padded walls, please.
I really had no idea how crazy hormones could make a person until now. The imbalance? Your body trying to get back into balance?
No thank you.
I already had a difficult enough time every few months (because why would I be *normal?* Exactly).
But I had my cues and those would clue me on onto why I was feeling all “Oh, woe, woe, the ravages of time….”
I MUST HAVE CHEESE FOR DINNER?
It was only a matter of time (read: hours) before my (not)BFF was coming to town.
I have no cues. No clue. And lots of up and down. Not like down like I’m crying in a corner, feeling like the world is caving in on me. More like sheer exhaustion, frustration over little things (but never with Kellan), wanting to not feel like a frumpy mom, the desire to just have a short break to be able to pee in peace and the constant “I never seem to have enough time to do X and Y and LMNOP.”
THAT kind of down. But not sadness down. Just over-tired, down.
Though right now, I feel really “up” but I am attributing that to Kellan and my play date today where I learned that I am NOT. ALONE.
However, with the “down,” the hormones seem to make it worse because the hormones make the big picture hazy and that is hard to see through, sometimes.
Tack on Tim and I still trying to find our own balance being married with a child (because that is totally different from just being married) and WOE, WOE, THE RAVAGES OF TIME.
I have never been more grateful to have found friends in the mom’s group I joined however long ago.
They definitely help clear the haze and show me that I’m not abnormal when it comes to things like this.
It just is…like this…until Kellan gets older and things get better and life gets just a little bit easier.
(and until the hormones finally stabilize…which isn’t going to happen until well after Kellan weans himself…and I have no idea when that is going to take place because I’m taking a passive approach to that as in: WHENEVER YOU’RE READY, BUDDY)