We are stronger after overcoming adversity, right?
Isn’t that the saying?…what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger?
Well, my marriage hasn’t killed me, yet, so….I guess I’m on the right side of the dirt or something…but, seriously. Tim was saying the other night while we were at our neighbors for dinner that it was a good thing I liked him, since he applied his “puzzle theory” to our relationship (if the piece doesn’t fit, hit it harder) and clubbed me over the head and drug me into his den all caveman like.
Ok, seriously this time…probably…
I think when Tim I grow the most – where our bond strengthens and where our love deepens – is during adversity. The hard times. The moments where we both want to throw things at each other, with full intent to impale and injure.
Not that either of us have ever done that – save a spoon I threw in his general direction, albeit aimed at the floor (the debate is still open on the angle at which it was thrown, per Tim), early in my pregnancy because my hormones were going bazerk and I was upset about something. I honestly have no idea what it was anymore but it was serious enough for me to throw a spoon, start yelling and crying simultaneously and freak Tim the hell out all, “WHO ARE YOU?”
I’m pregnant, thankyouverymuch, now go away and leave me alone but give me a hug first and WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING?
Welcome, gentlemen, to nine months of bobbing and weaving all, “What the Hell Am I Supposed to Do?”
And once you think you’ve figured it all out, here comes the baby and HOLY HORMONES. I’ve never cried over absolutely nothing more in my entire life. I’m not a crier…and taking a shower made me start crying because I was taking a shower. OMG.
Point being, our life was thrown into a blender and turned on without the lid in place. Everything went everywhere and we’re still finding bits and pieces splattered on walls and in random corners.
But, amidst all of this?
I grew closer to Tim.
And – though, technically, I haven’t asked him – I’m pretty sure he grew closer to me.
Over the weekend as we were driving home from getting his haircut, we were talking about the decisions we have made with Kellan so far (co-sleeping, etc) and how we could care less about any kind of judgement we may receive from others who pooh-pooh what we’re doing. Somewhere along the string of the conversation, Tim was all, “It’s all about the having and holding…”
Me: And giving and sharing…
Tim: YOU GET IT! I didn’t even have to say anything. YOU GET IT.
Me: I know you.
(and I know any serious conversation almost ALWAYS turns into some kind of joke…like he looks for a way to work it in if the opportunity arises)
Tim: I love that.
(and the “joke” was from a Friends episode when Joey didn’t know what to say at the wedding…and kept repeating the same thing over and over – it’s all about the having and holding…giving and sharing…)
But moments like those happen so much more frequently than they ever did before. We finish each other’s sentences, we are one step ahead of one another where we’ll ask for something and the other person already has it in their hands.
It’s crazy…I have no idea how you get to that point in a marriage…and I really have no idea how or why going through the topless blender made us closer…but it has.
Absolute chaos turned…well, it’s still chaotic but now we have a better grasp on what to expect and how to handle our new life, plus one.
It’s not that we weren’t close before…we were. But the depth of the “closeness” is at a level I’ve never experienced before now. And I don’t think it would have been possible *to* experience this without Kellan.
So, I guess we have Kellan to thank for strengthening our marriage, our bond.
He was the missing piece we didn’t realize we were missing.