(lack of) balance

I’m sure I’ve said this before but it really cannot be said enough: if you’ve yet to have a baby, be forewarned that THE DAY that child is born is THE DAY your life turns upside down and backwards.

There is no easing into it. Your new life is going to hit you smack in the face without you having the first clue it’s coming all SHABLAM! Thwack! How does that feel, huh?

In the beginning, you’re too busy to really realize how different life has become. Once the dust starts to settle, though, you begin to see what you miss.

For example: I really, really miss running with Tim. I miss the long runs over the weekend and the lazy day that would usually follow, along with an early dinner and time on the couch catching up on whatever we recorded throughout the week on the DVR.

I mean, I miss running with Tim in general, but the long run days are what has really been tugging at me lately.

I texted Tim telling him just that and his response was something like, “We’ll get back there…maybe even to somewhere better.”

And he’s right and has the right attitude about it but it’s a hard reality when you’re like, “I want to do X” but then you remember you can’t do X because of the wee little one.

I’ve finally started running again and WOW does it suck to start from square one alllllllll over again. It has been close to a year…maybe nine months or so, since I have run. I had to stop in the second trimester due to serious pelvic pain and it took until now to get going again.

Believe me, this is currently a Herculean feat because all I want to do is sleep, since Kellan is still only sleeping – at most – 3 hours at a time at night. Usually it is something like 3 hours, 2 hours and then two 50 minute to one hour spurts. It’s exhausting.

He has also decided his new wake up time is 4:15 in the morning, thank you crazy ass early summer sunrise.

Anyhow, don’t get me wrong. I love the little boo-boo. I have lots of fun with him and Tim and I are slowly adjusting to the new normal.

But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the old normal.

Right now, there is no balance.

Right now, there is baby. The end.


8 Responses to “(lack of) balance”

  1. 1 pattibuffkin June 4, 2012 at 10:51 am

    Changes in life are so hard. I felt the same things after having a baby. Now 22 yrs later I completely accepted my new “normal.” I sank my entire self into raising my children, home schooled my 4 children. I loved every min. with them. Now my youngest will be a senior in high school next year…he goes 1/2 time to high school and 1/2 time home school. The family has traveled with my youngest to baseball tournaments all over the place in the summers for years now. We are hoping for a baseball scholarship, but then that means I loose him. I will be able to be there for some games, but the thing I have grown to love…spending time with my children is fading away. My oldest just graduated with a 4 year Chemistry degree and is getting ready to leave for med school. My 2nd and 3rd children will graduate next year with 4 yr degrees and move on to med school and law school. The same with you where you are so happy with your baby…..yet so missing the alone time with your husband and self…..I am so happy with my children accomplishments….but will miss So much our lives together as we know it.

  2. 2 jobo June 4, 2012 at 11:05 am

    ((hug)) balance and lack of it would be the hardest thing for me too. But you are doing it, one day at a time, and look how far you have come and how much you are learning and growing. Kudos to that, my friend. AND to running, period. Awesome job!

  3. 3 Jess June 4, 2012 at 12:01 pm

    I echo what my sis said above — it would be SUPER hard for me to find balance during such upheaval and finding that new ‘normal’ and all. I give you such credit and whether you believe it or not, you are doing a great job of playing mama bear while figuring out how to fit in some “me” and “us” time in there too. You’ll get there! xoxo

  4. 4 Casey June 4, 2012 at 1:05 pm

    I had a really hard time getting back into running. Being several pounds heavier doesn’t really help, plus I remember my feeling like my hip joints were still super loosy-goosy from, you know, giving birth. It took me a couple of months to get my stride back. But, then, a few months in, running actually became easier & better than it ever had before. You are a more seasoned runner than I, and I have faith that you’ll see what I mean.

  5. 5 Papa Guy or Gabba Guy, if your 2 June 4, 2012 at 11:02 pm

    wait till you have 2…..

  6. 6 Elena June 5, 2012 at 9:09 am

    Wow I’m glad to hear that my baby isn’t the only one that sleeps in 3,2,1,1 stretches!

  7. 8 Jennifer Butler Basile June 6, 2012 at 8:19 am

    I feel ya . . . it’s a tough new reality to adjust to . . . somehow it all works out.

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