where have i been?

I’m tired (always). Busy. Sole entertainment for the little man. Making friends outside cyberspace.

I’m also trying to decide what direction I want to go…with this blog, I mean. Obviously, the direction of MOMMY is probably the right way…the way I want to go…except…

I’ve been having these real, adult, grown up thoughts for the first time in my entire life.

Thoughts that maybe I don’t want my entire life…Kellan’s life…out there for the world to have access to. Maybe part of it comes from a few blog…trolls I think they’re called. The comments they leave are never published and the emails they send are never shared. But the mama bear in me gets all riled up and I start getting concerned for Kellan’s safety…and mine (Tim is the invincible man). I mean, I have to live forever. Duh. I can’t get hurt/sick/wounded. I have to *be here* for Kellan. It’s a realization I’ve never had before.

And this protection/survival mode is serious. We had a super fantastic security system involved over the weekend because, obviously.

Also? Lexi has 100% permission to rip the throat out of anyone who breaks in. If anything like that *did* ever happen, I’m hoping Lexi gets to them before Maddie because she’d just lick them to death. Sure, a stalling tactic but not something completely reliable.


Is what I have to say really *that* important??? It’s not like I’m Dear Abby. It’s not like…I’m not *that* big of a deal. I’m not out here changing lives or adding entertainment value…am I?


13 Responses to “where have i been?”

  1. 1 Joann May 22, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    I changed the names of my girls in my blog, strangers don’t know their real names. I totally get where you are coming from though and it’s hard to write from a place other than that which you are experiencing. It’s damn hard! I hope you can come to a peace about which way to go even if that means you stop blogging about your personal life. However, that said, there is value in what you share, I would miss your humor and insight.

  2. 2 ST May 22, 2012 at 8:24 pm

    As a first time poster, but long time reader, I appreciate and value your blog greatly. I look forward to your humor mostly. It’s refreshing and puts a smile on my face on a bad day.I will also say that your experience with pregnancy and now motherhood have greatly expanded my knowledge in that area (the good and the bad lol). Thanks to you, I now feel better prepared to have kids of my own. As a planner, I love knowing everything in advance so I can’t thank you enough for being as candid about your experience. As motherhood is a transition for you, I’d love to see where you take your life from here. I’ve been highly tuned in these past few months. You’re easy to relate to. I love that! I liken your blog to a fav tv series…wanting to find out what happens next to the cast of characters and hoping it never gets cancelled. 🙂

  3. 3 Shannon May 22, 2012 at 10:04 pm

    That sucks. I’m not sure what is going on but those emails that come from no where can be haunting and scary. I’ve had them. I’m grateful for my decently anonymous blog for it. We all love you and I hope you continue. Hang in there.

  4. 4 pollyeb May 22, 2012 at 10:55 pm

    You are definitely adding value to my life – I get a few blogs sent through to me and yours is one I always read. I don’t have kids yet but I feel like you’ve given me the most insight I could ever have received about early motherhood, and pregnancy, and because I hope in the next few years to become a mother too, that’s incredibly valuable. Not many other people will spill all the gory details until you are already knee deep in it all! So wow – you have a lot to be thanked for on that basis! So thank you. I love your written style and relate it to my own sometimes. And I love the lack of pretentiousness, the pure, natural humour and the way you write a compelling tale of real life. That’s just my 2 cents. 🙂

  5. 5 Papa Guy or Gabba Guy, if your 2 May 22, 2012 at 11:24 pm

    I’ve been thinking of your situation as I have been cruising and readin’ my other blogs here tonight, and as I read others they have all, as Joann has mentioned above, changed the names of the “innocent” as well as their own. The stories are still intact just the personal items are out.
    Might not be a bad idea going forward. I have been reading you since before the move, and you do put some personal stuff out here. Maybe that’s what I like about your style and keeps me coming back.
    But, as we all know, sometimes it’s a shitty world out here and one must do what one must do for protection of ourselves and our own.
    My daughter and son in law, with my grandchildren 2 and 5, have had a few scares lately and are discussing the merits of “Home Protection”, other than the (2) large dogs and attack cats that they have. Maybe you and T should throw that around? Just sayin……
    I’ll support ya, whatever you decide.

  6. 6 Casey May 22, 2012 at 11:33 pm

    I heart you. That’s all I have to say.

  7. 7 Jeanette Lawrence Ghioto May 23, 2012 at 6:29 am

    I facilitate a program for my Church titled Protecting God’s Children. It is a 3 hour long REQUIRED class for all adults who are in ministry with kids. The purpose of the program is to train adults to assess situations and people for their potential to harm children. The main speakers are 2 male predators who were caught and made to confess their sinister ways. The internet is the new “playground for finding and potentially harming kids” You are wise in your instincts.

  8. 8 nysoonergirl May 23, 2012 at 7:21 am

    What about a private blog? We’d miss you!!!

  9. 9 Margie Tutton May 23, 2012 at 8:07 am

    I love your blog, it makes me remember all the feelings and experiences of being a “new” Mom. I’m sure all your family and friends from Ga must love feeling apart of your life too, though we are so far away. Understand all the feelings of protection too, hopefully you will figure it all out and continue the column.

  10. 10 Jess Sutera May 23, 2012 at 8:41 am

    Ugh, blog trolls are the worst. 😦 I’m so sorry friend. I’d miss you if you stopped blogging!! Just like NYsooner said…we love you…a private blog could be a great solution!

  11. 11 Jill May 23, 2012 at 9:24 am

    First time commenter, but long time reader….. I would be sad if you stopped blogging, but I understand. I read you because I had been trying to get pregnant for a long time, and now I am!! (due in Nov) and reading about your pregnancy and being a mother has been, well, I don’t know, helpful to me. I just wanted you to know that readers are out here, just reading, not trolling and enjoying your stories. I support your decisions, but would be sad to see you go!

  12. 12 We're Jumpin' May 23, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I love reading your stories. I am a Mommy blogger too and use my daughters Real name. I am the same way as you though, I go through moments of “super security” but I dunno, I am still debating, my real name is out there.. I have most of my info blocked though, but I still worry.
    I wouldn’t want you to give up on blogging, because it looks like a lot of people would miss you. Just hang in there and eventually you will know what to do, keep your options open 🙂

  13. 13 jobo May 23, 2012 at 1:03 pm

    EVERYONE has an opinion, don’t they? Especially when it comes to parenthood. I say perhaps go with an anonymous blog if you want to keep discussing but not necessarily as publicly?

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