learning to let go

One thing I wasn’t prepared for but knew was going to happen, based on the oodles of information I read and received – unsolicited – was the difference in parenting between Tim and me (and I? My grammar skills have gone by the wayside, along with sleep).

I didn’t think it would start this early. I mean, there isn’t exactly a TON of parenting going on at this point, right?

Oh…so, so wrong, naïve new mother.

I’m with Kellan all day and all night. I mostly forced Tim to sleep in the guest bedroom during the week so he’d get to sleep. It’s not exactly vital that I function on all cylinders during the day. Kellan won’t notice if I’m off my A game.

Tim’s job, however, will.

And his job is kind of important.

By kind of I mean extremely.

Extremely as in we’d be living in a cardboard box without it. And as fun as a two-year-old Kellan may think that is….it’s definitely not the best lifestyle choice.

Anyway, I’m with Kellan 100% of the day and I’ve sort of figured out how to put him to sleep quickly, how to talk to him during a diaper change so he doesn’t cry, when his happy and cranky periods are during the day, what his cries mean, how to soothe him, how he likes to be held…the list goes on and on.

In walks Tim after work…and he does it all completely differently.

!$??!$&@$?!!!$&!??!!!!?$&@!!!!?$&!!

Translation: Did you do it this way? Did you sing to him? You have to talk to him during a diaper change. He likes being held like this. You have to burp him first. Did you burp him? He wants to be talked to. You have to show him the pictures in the book. You’re turning the pages too fast. Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag.

I’ve had a really hard time stepping back and allowing Tim to do his thing without me interfering (a la criticizing). I know that’s the right thing to do and I know Kellan needs to learn how to soothed and comforted and interacted with in ways other than my own.

But it’s so damn hard.

I’m a Type A.

So is Tim.

Imagine the friction.

I feel like I know better and that is absolutely the wrong attitude to have about this whole parenting thing.

Tim shouldn’t do it just like me. He should do it his way and Kellan should get used to that.

Granted, there are some things Tim does way better than me with Kellan. Like how animated he is when he reads stories or how he holds Kellan over his shoulder. I can’t seem to master that one. It just feels awkward.

He’s a good daddy, don’t get me wrong. He changes diapers and plays with Kellan and magically puts him to sleep some nights where nothing I’m doing is working.

I just…I guess I’m too tired to have it done any other way that’ll make sleep harder (for me) to come by, which starts the nagging, which makes everyone sad face.

The moral of the story, I think, is to stop nagging and allow the differences in parenting to happen that I suck at being sleep deprived.

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6 Responses to “learning to let go”


  1. 1 Feisty Mama March 29, 2012 at 10:25 am

    You don’t suck at it, almost everyone goes through this but not everyone works out what needs to change so soon, or is able to articulate it so graciously.

  2. 2 Shannon March 29, 2012 at 11:09 am

    I think everyone goes through this. You do just have to learn to let some things go and take that time to step back. Go grab a shower, get some food, let Tim have some time with him to do it all wrong:) Either way, Kellan is happy. You will all fall in a routine and it will get easier. You don’t suck at this, I promise.

    • 3 Anonymous March 29, 2012 at 11:47 am

      Give Daddy the baby, and go take a walk/run, or a shower, or talk on the phone, read an adult book or magazine, etc. Leave or get far enough a way so you can’t hear them, and t a k e a b r e a k !!!!!!

      Everyone will feel better! Daddy’s way will be their way/time together! Mommie will feel tons better! All will be right, and if it’s not, he’ll call you!
      Margie’s advice from far away.

  3. 4 jobo March 29, 2012 at 11:40 am

    Oh I think this would be hard for me too. It sounds like you are trying to approach it the right way though, even though sometimes your way might just prevail by nature of – mommy needs sleep! (hug))

  4. 5 Jen March 30, 2012 at 6:00 am

    you have my sympathy…… the first months of parenthood are a real baptism of fire for coules..the lack of sleep, the constant and unscheduled demands of a new baby…its a HUGE change to accomodate…
    why don’t you grab some shut eye whilst he looks after the baby, or get in the bath……there’s only so much sleep deprivation you can take and remain sane
    and yeah, his job is important…but if you make yourself ill with exhaustion that ain’t gonna work too well either :))

    it all gets a LOT easier soon….and hunt down other mums…I survived my childrens early days hanging over coffee with other mums at the same stage…we let each other nap, nip to the shops, breathe…

    sending all my lover and sympathy…and typos

    Jen xxx

  5. 6 Jen March 30, 2012 at 6:01 am

    that was supposed to say ‘love’ not ‘lover’…. I suspect the latter is the last thing you need right now :))


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