One thing I wasn’t prepared for but knew was going to happen, based on the oodles of information I read and received – unsolicited – was the difference in parenting between Tim and me (and I? My grammar skills have gone by the wayside, along with sleep).
I didn’t think it would start this early. I mean, there isn’t exactly a TON of parenting going on at this point, right?
Oh…so, so wrong, naïve new mother.
I’m with Kellan all day and all night. I mostly forced Tim to sleep in the guest bedroom during the week so he’d get to sleep. It’s not exactly vital that I function on all cylinders during the day. Kellan won’t notice if I’m off my A game.
Tim’s job, however, will.
And his job is kind of important.
By kind of I mean extremely.
Extremely as in we’d be living in a cardboard box without it. And as fun as a two-year-old Kellan may think that is….it’s definitely not the best lifestyle choice.
Anyway, I’m with Kellan 100% of the day and I’ve sort of figured out how to put him to sleep quickly, how to talk to him during a diaper change so he doesn’t cry, when his happy and cranky periods are during the day, what his cries mean, how to soothe him, how he likes to be held…the list goes on and on.
In walks Tim after work…and he does it all completely differently.
Translation: Did you do it this way? Did you sing to him? You have to talk to him during a diaper change. He likes being held like this. You have to burp him first. Did you burp him? He wants to be talked to. You have to show him the pictures in the book. You’re turning the pages too fast. Nag. Nag. Nag. Nag.
I’ve had a really hard time stepping back and allowing Tim to do his thing without me interfering (a la criticizing). I know that’s the right thing to do and I know Kellan needs to learn how to soothed and comforted and interacted with in ways other than my own.
But it’s so damn hard.
I’m a Type A.
So is Tim.
Imagine the friction.
I feel like I know better and that is absolutely the wrong attitude to have about this whole parenting thing.
Tim shouldn’t do it just like me. He should do it his way and Kellan should get used to that.
Granted, there are some things Tim does way better than me with Kellan. Like how animated he is when he reads stories or how he holds Kellan over his shoulder. I can’t seem to master that one. It just feels awkward.
He’s a good daddy, don’t get me wrong. He changes diapers and plays with Kellan and magically puts him to sleep some nights where nothing I’m doing is working.
I just…I guess I’m too tired to have it done any other way that’ll make sleep harder (for me) to come by, which starts the nagging, which makes everyone sad face.
The moral of the story, I think, is
to stop nagging and allow the differences in parenting to happen that I suck at being sleep deprived.