good & bad…yin & yang…something like that

Post pregnancy ruminations….

The Good:

Sleeping on my stomach. I’ve been sleeping on my right side because I like to face the co-sleeper (did I mention this? Kellan absolutely will not sleep in the pack n play and those who cry fowl at this be damned. For the sake of my sanity, I sent Tim out to get a co-sleeper the first week we were home. I guess I won’t mention he actually sleeps IN the bed on really rough nights).

Anyway, the other day I finally rolled over to my left side and got about an hour of sleep in my most favorite position ever in the whole wide world. It’s something like on my stomach with one hand tucked under my pillow, the other bent comfortably with my hand near my face, my right leg completely bent, my knee pulled up toward my stomach and my left leg totally straight.

Let me just say that I was in heaven. If God created a perfect way to sleep, this is it.

Also good? Laying on my back without worrying I’m cutting off blood supply to Kellan or wondering if I’ll be able to breathe. I’m still hesitant to lay on my back only because I’ve been telling myself not to for nine months.

No more puppy pads under the sheets! Or on the couch! Or in the car! I’m no longer a liability!

I can cross my arms in front of my chest without feeling like I’m squishing a baby.

I can eat deli sandwiches. And I’ve been partaking in said activity almost daily. I’ve never been a huge sandwich fan but take them away for nine months and all of a sudden they’re a delicacy (ha…punny).

I am now able to have a huge, satisfying pee. No more of the OMG…I have to GO. NOW.

And then? Dribble, dribble, dribble.

You have no idea how non-satisfying that is…the massive, empty-your-bladder pee.

Also related? I can “hold it” again (the pee)!!!

The child birth fears and anxiety are gone because, well, obviously.

Annnnd…that’s all I’ve got, folks. I’m sure there are plenty of other really awesome things about not being preggo…but that’s all I can muster at the moment.

And by “moment” I mean about a week of adding to the list as I thought of things.

My brain just doesn’t work like it used to.

Maybe that should be the segue into the bad.


…The Bad:

I’m convinced that my pooper is broken. I swear the OB sewed the hole tighter than it was before. I cringe every time I have to squeeze one out.

I bleed, too.

TMI, I’m sure.

Thanks again, third degree tear.

But both are 100% true and make me 110% sadface.

Zero sleep. I thought it was bad during pregnancy? I’m laughing at mu naive self, now. Sleep deprivation is 1000000000000000000000 times worse post baby (I’m sure there should be multiple commas in that number somewhere but, again, sleep deprivation)

Your emotions are ridiculous. I can be happy one second, crying the next and then swinging a sledgehammer after that.

It’s better than it was during the first week but it still sneaks up on me sometimes…and the swings in mood/emotion catches everyone by surprise.

My stretched out jelly belly…well, belly. I have post preggo pictures to post, so I’ll let you be the judge…but, personally, I’m not a fan.

I’ll may as well continue with the vanity.

My hips and butt are massive. I think that’s where all of the “maternal stores” (read: fat) went.

And? I would LOVE to remedy the hugeness of the nether region by working out but OMG. Can we all just have a good chuckle? Who has the time or, more importantly, the energy, for such activities? My workout is having an infant attached to my boob. The end.

It has been…entirely too long since I’ve felt either pretty or sexy. While preggo, I felt bulbous and unstable and now? I just feel really, really gross.

I mean, my entire day consists of milk, spit up, poop and pee.

Immediately after I get out of the shower is the best I feel all day long.

And, like I said yesterday, caring for a baby is nothing like having a “real job.”

Nothing, not even me telling you, ad nauseum, will prepare you for the stress and emotions you’ll have while you are trying to make sure you’re being a good mom/provider/caregiver.

Also like I already mentioned, your marriage takes a huge backseat…as does everything else like date nights and intimacy.

Don’t even talk to me about sex. That area is currently wrapped in yellow Do Not Enter tape.


11 Responses to “good & bad…yin & yang…something like that”

  1. 1 Mara March 13, 2012 at 9:39 am

    Well, some things are positive, that’s good!
    Nothing beats sleeping in your fave position, I’m sure.
    You’re scaring the living crap out of me and making me re-think the whole “i really want a baby” thing.
    But, I really appreciate your honesty.
    I think.

  2. 2 A Modern Military Mother March 13, 2012 at 9:42 am

    Welcome to the post baby train crash. In time you will heal but life will never be the same again.

  3. 3 Jen March 13, 2012 at 11:52 am

    I nearly didn’t open this post but am so glad I did…oh you poor love :)) speaking as a veteran of three children the youngest now 15 I had forgotten just how hard it all is …and that unbelievable period where sleep ,proper restful sleep seems like a distant memory…and the tush/stitches…get em checked…they did something funky with mine that doesn’t bear explaining..but I kind had two holes..someone obviously missed a few stiches somewhere… 😦 sorted itself out with birth of child number two (re-sew)..lets not go there ! sending you love,sympathy ,kisses.hugs :))

    mwaaaaaaaaaaaah xx

  4. 4 hnmom March 13, 2012 at 11:57 am

    Yup, that pretty much sums it up. You will heal and things will get easier but it does take time; for some more than for others. My babe just turned one and I am still struggling with some of the things you mentioned. But there are also so many positives that it was well worth it to me and I am already thinking about another one.

  5. 6 priscilla March 13, 2012 at 12:25 pm

    omg. That sounds terrible. definitely not having kids for a long time. (if I get knocked up, God forbid, I will probably cry for nine months +)
    actually these posts are good birth control for me. no offense I’m 22 and wouldn’t be a good mother anyway. I was pissed because a Mokingbird lives outside my window now and kept me up all freaking night. I feel ashamed now for complaining all morning about it now. eesh sorry to hear that.

  6. 7 March 13, 2012 at 5:52 pm

    girl, you can do this!

  7. 8 jobo March 13, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Days of TMI take a whole new level post baby huh? 😉 All goodness, though, I can brace myself for that day…eventually! hehe. xoxo

  8. 9 Wildology March 14, 2012 at 12:24 pm

    Oh my….cringe and sigh. No words. Good thing they are so cute.

  9. 10 Amber March 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm

    OMG…I love how candid you are! I can relate to all of that. The deli sandwiches, peeing, being WAY more exhausted than you imagined and realizing you were so naive before baby about this, laying on your tummy to sleep but not being able to because baby sleeps with you (yes, we co-sleep and she’s in the bed with us because life is much easier that way when breastfeeding), feeling gross but great right after a hot shower, and the sex or lack thereof…perhaps that is nature’s way of spreading babies out a bit so Momma doesn’t immediately get pregnant again. 😉 As for the post preggo body….trust me, it does get better! I was not a bit happy about the way I looked for about 4-5 months after but now I feel like I’m able to fit into things that were a bit tight even before pregnancy. Maybe it’s all the extra activity that comes with entertaining a baby but it’s great to have my body back finally. You’ll get there….your little guy isn’t even 2 months yet so give it time. He cretainly is adorable…I enjoy seeing his pictures. Oh, and I read your post about how much you wanted him to look like his Daddy…maybe I am a bit selfish because I swear all I ever hear is how my daughter looks just like her Dad…”she’s beautiful, she looks just like her dad”…Gee, thanks. 😉 Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled she looks like her Daddy but I was starting to feel a bit bitter at hearing those kinds of comments constantly. I just brush it off now and have realized that people all see different things anyway. I have people tell me that she looks like my grandma or my Mom and then others say they see my husband’s mother in here…it’s quite interesting to hear everyone’s opinions, at times. Have a great week!

    • 11 Jessica March 14, 2012 at 4:01 pm

      Amber: May as well tell it like it is…and I had zero plans to co-sleep but, really, it is so much easier on everyone! And everyone saying Kellan looks like Tim might start to grate on me…but it hasn’t yet. 🙂 Lastly? You have a good week also!!

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