all about the boob

This is…random ramblings about the boob written from the boob (as in: breast feeding).

If you’ve never breastfed before your nipples are going to H-U-R-T. Like way worse than you could imagine.

A few days before I had Kellan, my mom asked me if I had been rolling my nipples. I was like, “Um…no…?…”

And then she was all, “You better get started and harden those things up!”

I guess I should have listened because OMG. The anticipation of the tiny mouth latching is torture. You know the pain you’re about to feel and there is nothing you can do but grimace and bear it.

The latching still hurts like a mother (ha…punny) for five seconds or so when Kellan latches on…but it’s nothing like the first few days when I would cringe and hold back tears.

There was absolutely no question about when he latched.

So, friendly PSA: It’s a ridiculous pain that you have to promise yourself will dissipate, especially at 3am when the last thing you want to feel is pain.

Related: Your nipples will never look the same again. I’m still coming to grips with this.

Also? Your thirst will be insatiable. If I don’t have water when I start feeding Kellan, I’m literally shaking with need and immediately find the quickest form of water when finished – including directly from the sink. If Tim is around, his job is to bring me water STAT. Even if it’s 2am and he’s asleep. The requirement is THAT serious.

You may burn tons of calories BUT the task isn’t easy at all, especially in the beginning. Your boobs and nipples hurt. Kellan was literally starving until my milk came in. I was freaking out wondering if it would come in at all. We had latching issues. The whole process is a huge learning curve and forget about sleeping longer than two to sometimes if you’re lucky three hour chunks. It is frustrating. I had my own hysterical crying meltdown in front of mom because didn’t know what to do/felt like I wasn’t providing for Kellan. It’s my job to keep him fed/nourish him and I felt like I was failing. Miserably.

You will willingly whip out the boob whenever the baby is hungry. Nursing cover or not, the kid needs to eat and everyone else can just deal with the boob flesh.

Babies make weird noises when they eat. Kellan sounds like squeaky windshield wipers or a creaky rocking chair. Both are normal per our Pediatrician.

Once you get into the groove – aka accepting that you will have a tiny person attached to your breast 24 hours a day – it gets easier but it is still super demanding on your time. Hopefully you like reruns because FYI? I’m finally getting to know the Bundy family at 3:30 every morning.

Along with waking up every two or so hours to feed comes interesting, that cannot really be real, can it? commercials, like the farmers only dating site…farmersonly.com. I thought it was a joke but…it definitely exists. And I’m still not entirely sure how I feel about carrying that knowledge in my brain.

When your nipples start to tingle you better hope you have pads in…or else wet circles on your shirt will be in your immediate, unavoidable future.

I’ve been saying same phrase over and over when it’s time to eat and this has led Kellan to understand he’s about to be fed and will not go starving. We call it “food train time…food train time…first stop milk mustache.” And when he hears that his eyes get wide and he calms down enough so he isn’t overly frantic and will latch on.

I’m learning his “frustrated” yelps when he wants to eat but has himself in such a tizzy he can’t latch. The food train song helps with that, too.

Overall, I know it’s worth the pain and lack of sleep and demands on my time but DAMN is it hard.

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9 Responses to “all about the boob”


  1. 1 jobo March 8, 2012 at 9:38 am

    oh man….my boobs hurt just reading this!! rolling your nipples? ouch???

  2. 3 maureen March 8, 2012 at 9:56 am

    This is hilarious. Also, is there a cowboys only dating site? I have a coworker who would be very interested… The farmer one might be sufficient, though.

  3. 4 argonzalez312 March 8, 2012 at 12:05 pm

    Your nipples will look normal again, trust me. I agree it is hard at first. What is the most frustrating is that all the books swear there will be no pain if you latch correctly. If that is so, I nursed two babies incorrectly. So it does get better, I swear!

    • 5 Wildology March 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm

      Yeah…what is the deal with this? “It is not supposed to hurt”…

      So, I guess it does at the beginning?

      Jess-you rock and I will be remembering all this in 8 weeks!

  4. 6 Brandy March 8, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    You should get a small fridge for bottled water in your bedroom. Sounds like all is well, just a learning curve. 🙂 Love to all!!

  5. 7 ErikaMC March 8, 2012 at 3:34 pm

    I really must have been lucky because breastfeeding has never really hurt. My baby is 6 months old and he is just now getting teeth – it only hurts when he misses the nipple and latches on at a funny angle. I’m not sure how long I will do it once the actually has teeth though.

  6. 8 Papa Guy March 9, 2012 at 12:15 am

    See, I told you your life, as you knew it, was about to change….

  7. 9 rococonnor March 9, 2012 at 7:47 am

    Thanks… the truth will set you free… and make your boobs itch in sympathy. Keep going! One day they’ll be a sulking teen rather than a suckling babe… whipping out your boob then will not shut them up, and will be considered abuse… enjoy it whilst it lasts… 😉


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