you do what you gotta do

I used to be somewhat modest.

Then I went through childbirth.

Now? I have no qualms about having various hands shoved up the vaj or whipping out the boob in a crowd.

Also? Tim has gotten over changing dirty diapers.

Before Kellan was born he was all, “I’m going to require gloves before I go anywhere near a naked baby butt.”

Enter day three of Kellan being home when Tim, who had gotten over the need for gloves, changed a poopy diaper. We had made it past the sticky meconium but were not quite to the traditional breastfed runny mustard consistency.

Think dark brownish soft solids.

Tim thought Kellan was finished doing #2 and began the diaper changing process.

It all started out pretty normal…

Then, well, before the clean diaper could be put on and while Kellan’s little butt was out in open air, he started going…again.

It was at that moment when Tim was witness to a real, live Play Doh extruder factory a la Kellan’s butt.

I’ve never actually watched another human poop before. Quite fascinating, really.

Anyhow, point is, we’re both getting over those “things” we thought would bother us when it came to exposed body parts.

Example two: during our pediatrician appointment yesterday, Kellan began having a FEED ME NOW meltdown while we were in a room waiting on the doctor.

I tried to pacify him with his “binkie” but he wasn’t having it. He knows where the food comes from and it isn’t from there.

So…I looked at Tim like, “Well….” I had no idea how long the doctor would be so why not give Kellan a little snack?

Out comes the boob and as soon as he latched on, in walks Dr. P.

He was all, “How are we doi….ah. Nursing, I see.”

I just looked at him like, “He was hungry. What was I supposed to do?”

I didn’t have a nursing cover on or anything. It was just me, Kellan and my boob out in all its glory.

Dr. P was all, “Don’t take him off. I can do most of my exam from the boob.”

This is why we love Dr. P.

So he did.

And wouldn’t you know it, while he was trying to listen to Kellan’s heartbeat, his face and my boob were within centimeters of one another. Had he decided to stick out his tongue, flesh connection would have been made.

No one has been that close to my boob since Tim, so you’d think I’d be slightly freaking out.

Nope. Currently, my boobs are a food factory. I don’t see them as anything else.

The only thing I had the decency to do was put my hand over the boob flesh so there was some kind of third party barrier.

Whether or not Dr. P noticed is up for debate.

Afterwards, I asked Tim if he saw the near miss and he was like, “Yup. Except…funny enough, it didn’t even bother me.”

I just looked at him like, “I’m not surprised, considering you looked at my vajayjay immediately after birth only to see it so swollen it looked like an elephant had taken up residence.”


4 Responses to “you do what you gotta do”

  1. 1 JessSutera March 6, 2012 at 4:22 pm

    OMG hahah this is hilarious. I’m pretty modest too and am practically blushing reading this – but I guess you’re right, after going through childbirth, a boob appearance ain’t no thang, right??

  2. 2 argonzalez312 March 6, 2012 at 5:03 pm

    Love it!!! I think that is one thing they need to think about when they complain about public nursing. They may thinK about it as “playboy bunny show” (Picture that one)but to moms it is just lunch time. Overall, once you go through nine months of so many “really?!?!” moments, followed by birth you lose all modesty. In fact, you kinda wonder what you worried about before. Though I will say as your kids get older you get even less concerned… and privacy becomes a long ago dream!!!

  3. 3 Shannon March 6, 2012 at 5:26 pm

    Whats a little boob after all that:) Too funny!

  4. 4 jobo March 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    OMG I would die. But maybe I wouldn’t. All things considered. swollen vag? owowowowowwwwww!

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