(another) *naked bump update* 39 weeks…are we done yet?

I thought I was out of space a few weeks ago.

Heh. Boy was *I* wrong.

A few weeks ago I still had all the space in the world and I could walk without cringing. It’s a sad state of affairs these days, watching me try to move from anywhere. I need some kind of backup beep, early alert ย “SHE’S ON THE MOVE” system. Tim has to literally wind up and shove my ass from behind to help me get off the couch or elseย it ain’t happenin’.

(I swear this next part will make sense in a minute)

As of a few weeks ago, one of our dogs has THE FARTS and OMG. They clear a room. We have no idea what happened or why but the stench that leaks out of their rear ends is beyond peeling paint off of the wall.

The worst part?

They’re totally silent so you never know it’s coming until it’s already too late.

After one such SBD (silent but deadly) dog fart last night, Tim looked at me as I was bouncing on the yoga ball and said, “Your farts used to be quiet like the dogs all ssssssssssssssss and now they’re freaking BRRRAAAMMMMPPPP!!!!!

Thanks, dear. As if I don’t already feel gross enough.

You think it’s bad now?

Just wait ’til I get on that delivery room table.

You’ll wish it was ‘just farts,’ then.

(That’s kind of an inside joke between Tim and me…’just farts’….there is a story somewhere – no idea if it is true or not – about a mom and a kid at a restaurant and the mom smells something like her kid just did a #2 in his pants. She looks at her child like OMG. DID YOU?! The kid, seeing the horror on his mom’s face, pulls down his pants, bends over, spreads his cheeks and says, “See, mom? Just farts!”)

Also? Baby sprout, you’re killing my game, here. Lets get a move on.

Everyone is waiting….impatiently, probably…for this little one to enter the world as a real, screaming, pink baby. It’s like the worst form of anticipation. Every single day it’s like “Is it today!? Is it going to happen!?”

Then, when it doesn’t, you’re all, “Maybe tomorrow….”

We only have three “maybe tomorrow’s” before my due date, so………

(Can you believe my due date is Thursday?! Wow)

Am I aware that most first time moms go late?


Do I want to be one of those?

Absolutely not.

Will that happen?

I don’t really want to think about it.

Instead, let’s see just how large I’ve gotten because, really, it’s out of control.

Also, I no longer care how crazy my hair looks or how fat my face IS.


37 weeks 4 days

39 weeks 3 days

And the non-compression shirt, naked version:

39 weeks, 3 days naked

You may not be able to see much of a difference but TRUST ME.

It’s like I’m legit about to pop.

Stick a pin in me, I’m done.

…I have to admit, though, I will miss the pregnancy hair…


13 Responses to “(another) *naked bump update* 39 weeks…are we done yet?”

  1. 1 Anonymous February 13, 2012 at 9:18 am

    you look really good Jess!!! you should have your body back in no time!!! Good luck!!! cant wait to see pictures!!!!

  2. 2 Amy - Hamlet's Mistress February 13, 2012 at 9:22 am

    I’m glad you made it past the 12th. Anytime blue would be great.

  3. 5 JessSutera February 13, 2012 at 9:37 am

    Wow girl – I know I say it all the time but dude, you look SO GOOD!! I have to say, you really lucked out with the no-stretch mark thing too, your skin is so smooth in that last shot! And bravo for going naked in that last pic -that takes guts!! You are growing such a healthy little one – now if only the sprout would quit growing and COME OUT to play! haha hang in there!

  4. 6 jasoncgerringer February 13, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Your take on pregnancy is quite hilarious. Humor is the best way to go through life and it seems you and your guy fill your life together with humor. That’s awesome.

    I am an editor over at stageoflife.com in the Baby section of that site. I wonder if you’d be interested in sharing some of your stories there on the site. It’s free to make an account on there and share your stories, link to your blog and promote it, and also there are monthly writing contests to enter and win prizes and you can find other perks and deals at the site as well.

    I enjoy your writing and hope to read some more. Keep writing.


  5. 7 lovedyoumore@hotmail.com February 13, 2012 at 11:14 am

    I can tell a difference! You look great!!I’m happy you made it past the 12th. I was thinking about you yesterday. Smooth sailing from here….anyday now…tick tock….

  6. 8 carolyn February 13, 2012 at 11:17 am

    You look so fabulous. I am totally jealous of your pregnant body. It’s all cute and neat and lovely. Me? I had people openly staring at me, mouths agape as I would walk by. I’m not kidding. It’s been almost six years since I was like that. And I’M. STILL. COMPLETELY. BITTER.


  7. 9 Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength February 13, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    You sure are going to miss that pregnancy hair. Especially when it’s all over the floor…and your seat of your car….and your couch. I’m so excited for you though!!! Baby is going to be here SOOO soon!

  8. 10 bevchen February 13, 2012 at 1:15 pm

    My friend STILL hasn’t had her baby, 10 days after her due date. I’m getting impatient, so I can’t even imagine how she feels…

  9. 11 jobo February 13, 2012 at 1:34 pm

    damn girl, you look fantastic…brave for a naked pic, but you are smooth girl, no bumps! Besides the obvious one, hehe ๐Ÿ˜‰ Hot mama!!!!!!

  10. 12 Marcel February 14, 2012 at 2:50 am

    I enjoy your writing! Think you’re gonna make a great mum! lol

  11. 13 littlemissobsessivesanatomy February 14, 2012 at 11:27 am

    i hope and pray thursday brings you a new beautiful morning…as you welcome baby sprout… ๐Ÿ™‚

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