You’re almost here.
I mean, technically you’ve been “here” for nine months but I mean “here” as in in my arms and not my uterus.
There’s a big difference.
Inside it is easy to protect you, feed you, comfort you.
When you’re on the outside?
You scare me, tiny little helpless person. There are so many nights I lie awake, usually at three in the morning, thinking and worrying and knowing that these moments of quiet will soon be replaced by diaper changes and feedings and endless rocking you to sleep. Moments where both your father and I will be at our wits end, exhausted, stressed and completely defeated by you. I know we’ll manage. I know we’ll pull through the rough patches but that doesn’t mean they don’t scare me any less.
Your daddy is terrified that he won’t know the answers to your questions and he wants to make sure he does his absolute best in caring for you. I mean, he practiced putting a diaper on a teddy bear just to make sure when the time came, he’d know he was doing it the right way for you. He wants to do everything for you the right way from the start and even though both he and I will make mistakes, it isn’t for lack of effort. More like lack of knowledge and experience.
Regardless, I have no doubt that your father will do just fine with both diapers and helping raise you. Whether or not he’ll have the answer, he’ll give you guidance and comfort. And as mad as you’ll get at him sometimes, always know you’re blessed with a wonderful, wonderful father. Don’t ever take that for granted. You’re one of the lucky ones.
As for me, I’ll do my best to be a good mom even though at this point, I really have no idea what I’m doing…not that you’ll know this, at least not until you reach that defiant age where you’ll obviously know more than anyone, but in the beginning I’ll be flying by the seat of my pants. Even though I’ll live and die by trial and error, I cannot wait to teach you and experience life with you and help you when you need it. That first little smile or giggle you let loose will melt both your dad and my hearts forever.
I know our lives will not always be easy and at some point, I’ll probably completely understand that saying, “I brought you into this world and I can take you right out.” However, if there are two things I’ve figured out, one is that the things that really matter are never easy and two, life is one big learning experience and I’ll do everything I can to help you get the most out of your life. You deserve that. You deserve everything the world has to offer and your father and I will stop at nothing to give that to you.
Now, will I miss you moving all around inside of me? As strange as it was in the beginning, I know there will be moments when I’ll miss putting my hand to my stomach to feel you roll around or kick me in the ribs. Having you on the outside will be much more rewarding but right now, it really is just you and me, kid. We’re together 24 hours a day, seven days a week. I suppose I understand why you’ll want to be held constantly in the beginning. I’ve been holding you continuously for nine months.
Your daddy and I are convinced that you are going to be full of personality and gusto right from the beginning. You’ll test the limits and our patience on a daily basis. We’d never expect any less, though, because you’ll be ours and we both did the same things to our own parents. You are our little (Chinese water) dragon baby and we already love you more than you’ll ever know.
Deep down, I know how much you will change our lives…but how much will we impact yours? I can only hope we give you a loving, nurturing environment where you feel safe enough to explore and experiment and learn, knowing we’ll be there for you, regardless if you fail or succeed.
Your daddy already gets so nervous if I start having any weird pains that could potentially mean you are on the way. He’s going to be a basket case getting me to the hospital and even more so after you’re here. He has been anxiously waiting to meet you ever since the day I told him you were inside of me. As each day passes, his excitement grows exponentially and the moment you arrive?
There are not words, little sprout, to describe the rush of happy emotions your birth will evoke.
It’s only a matter of a few days or weeks (praying it isn’t weeks) before you are here…before your arrival helps complete us as a family.
Your daddy and I both love you so much already and cannot wait to meet you.
(so please, come out soon?)