The closer the due date looms…the more I start to internalize.
The mental preparation is worse than readying any of the material or physical things, in my opinion.
I can kick the ass out of organizing and cleaning and packing.
Mentally preparing for what life will be like in somewhere around a month from now?
In the beginning of my pregnancy, it was like, “Aww…I’m pregnant!” The reality of what that meant was too far away to really comprehend, much less try to prepare for. I mean, I knew that a baby would be here at some point in the future.
That future was too far away to really grasp.
Now that all of the holidays have passed – my benchmarks for OMG. BABY TIME IS ALMOST HERE – the only thing I really have left to “celebrate” so to speak is my birthday on February 2. I’m not even sure how excited I am about celebrating that, since it’ll be birthday…..BABY. There are no other stops on the train.
And in reality, though highly unlikely, it might be BABY….birthday.
Wouldn’t that be a shock to the system.
But, on the plus side, if that scenario played out, I could actually DRINK WINE to celebrate.
Tim and I are doing our own mental preparations for the big day. Until the other day, I thought I was the only one trying to wrap my head around birthing another human.
I was wrong.
It wasn’t just me.
I didn’t realize how much preparing Tim was actually doing inside of his head until recently when it all began bubbling out.
He made me go find the handouts we got during the childbirth class so he could review them. He wants to practice relaxation techniques. He’s worried he won’t be the support system I need.
We’ve talked about this whole “birth day” thing before. The experience as a whole will be completely different for each of us. I’m not even looking past the whole labor and delivery process while Tim can’t wait for the baby to be here.
I told him, flat out, I can’t even get my brain to that point until after I’m finished with the pain and suffering (for a good reason but, still, it is physically and mentally daunting nonetheless).
Lately, though, I’ve been thinking about how different life is going to be…how the simple things we used to do – like go for a run together – will become slightly more challenging with a child. I thought moving was a tough adjustment on Tim and me…a baby? A person I am responsible for 24 hours a day??
Moving across the country seems like a cake walk.
The difference, though, is that this journey Tim and I are about to embark on is one that neither of us have ever experienced before. We’re in it together, through trial and lots of error.
From this point forward, it’s all a big waiting game, really. I’m convinced that the end of the third trimester is the longest stretch of pregnancy there is to endure. It’s like you’re sitting in limbo, tired of being pregnant, excited for the baby and scared shitless about the process that must occur in between.
So, today, to keep my brain busy and tide myself over to make it through another day of waiting, I’m making rice socks.