withdrawing…

The closer the due date looms…the more I start to internalize.

The mental preparation is worse than readying any of the material or physical things, in my opinion.

I can kick the ass out of organizing and cleaning and packing.

Mentally preparing for what life will be like in somewhere around a month from now?

WHOA BUDDY.

In the beginning of my pregnancy, it was like, “Aww…I’m pregnant!” The reality of what that meant was too far away to really comprehend, much less try to prepare for. I mean, I knew that a baby would be here at some point in the future.

That future was too far away to really grasp.

Now that all of the holidays have passed – my benchmarks for OMG. BABY TIME IS ALMOST HERE – the only thing I really have left to “celebrate” so to speak is my birthday on February 2. I’m not even sure how excited I am about celebrating that, since it’ll be birthday…..BABY. There are no other stops on the train.

And in reality, though highly unlikely, it might be BABY….birthday.

Wouldn’t that be a shock to the system.

But, on the plus side, if that scenario played out, I could actually DRINK WINE to celebrate.

Tim and I are doing our own mental preparations for the big day. Until the other day, I thought I was the only one trying to wrap my head around birthing another human.

I was wrong.

It wasn’t just me.

I didn’t realize how much preparing Tim was actually doing inside of his head until recently when it all began bubbling out.

He made me go find the handouts we got during the childbirth class so he could review them. He wants to practice relaxation techniques. He’s worried he won’t be the support system I need.

We’ve talked about this whole “birth day” thing before. The experience as a whole will be completely different for each of us. I’m not even looking past the whole labor and delivery process while Tim can’t wait for the baby to be here.

I told him, flat out, I can’t even get my brain to that point until after I’m finished with the pain and suffering (for a good reason but, still, it is physically and mentally daunting nonetheless).

Lately, though, I’ve been thinking about how different life is going to be…how the simple things we used to do – like go for a run together – will become slightly more challenging with a child. I thought moving was a tough adjustment on Tim and me…a baby? A person I am responsible for 24 hours a day??

Moving across the country seems like a cake walk.

The difference, though, is that this journey Tim and I are about to embark on is one that neither of us have ever experienced before. We’re in it together, through trial and lots of error.

From this point forward, it’s all a big waiting game, really. I’m convinced that the end of the third trimester is the longest stretch of pregnancy there is to endure. It’s like you’re sitting in limbo, tired of being pregnant, excited for the baby and scared shitless about the process that must occur in between.

So, today, to keep my brain busy and tide myself over to make it through another day of waiting, I’m making rice socks.

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6 Responses to “withdrawing…”


  1. 1 jobo January 13, 2012 at 12:10 pm

    ((hug)) I know it’s a shitton to internalize, but I think the thinking about it makes it even bigger than it already is…clearly this is a huge life event, but girl, you are READY for this. you really are. You will hop to action as soon as your body tells you to. Trust that. And you can give me this same pep talk one day 🙂 XO

  2. 2 tat2dmomma January 13, 2012 at 3:49 pm

    I think most moms go through this…at least most that I know. Which turns out, is quite a few. I agree that you will be ready when you need to be. But I soooooo hear ya about anxiety surrounding the big day. I will say one thing, that fear and anxiety goes away as soon as you see that baby’s face. It is truly a gift that most of us forget about the crazy business of labor and delivery once we are holding that new little life. Ahhh…that seemed like a lifetime ago for me already. Cherish it…it’s over with before ya know it. 🙂

  3. 3 bevchen January 14, 2012 at 5:14 am

    Rice socks… so a bit like the cherry-stone filled cushions that Germans are obsessed with, but less expensive to make. Got it.

    No comment on the rest. Never been there, never going to go there. Can’t help. I’m sure things will work out just fine though 🙂

  4. 4 lifestartsnow January 14, 2012 at 5:54 am

    relax girl! it will be your birthday first, then a lot of days in between and then it’ll be baby’s birthday.

    would i freak out if i were you? oh heck yeah! but i’m not so i have the benefit of pretending to be all super smart and super relaxed, lol.

    both you and tim will do great and baby will come into this world healthy and happy and the way it’s best for him.

  5. 5 jruthkelly January 14, 2012 at 4:41 pm

    mom’s who aren’t sweating it right about now scare me. you’re going to rock the parenting. you’re going to come out of labor and delivery birthed into something no one can comprehend until well, until. peace, safety, strength to you and your family…

  6. 6 Shannon January 15, 2012 at 10:40 am

    I would think it is normal to be freaking out a bit right now. Having the unknown coming at you is always scary but with anything life just falls into place. You will bring sprout home and wonder what the hell you did with your life before him.


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