the reality at my vaginal doorstep

The closer my due date gets (February 16) the more I start to internalize.

It’s like a maternal instinct or something telling me to get myself together and prepare for whatever kind of pain I’m about to be in.

I’ve been reading my “happy baby book” (The Happiest Baby on the Block) and the more I read about how babies will cry – a lot – the more I’m realizing that my days of sleep are coming to a close. Every time I get up during the night to pee I think about how many more times I’ll be getting up in almost a month’s time.

This realization makes ME want to cry.

I really like sleep…and I’m definitely going to miss it…

Tim and I will have help for part of February with my mom flying out…and also in the beginning of March with his parents, which will make things a little easier for us both, but since I want to exclusively breast feed – as in no bottle (or pumped breast milk) until six weeks – it’s not like someone can get up and feed the sprout for me.

Every time he’s hungry, I have to wake up.

I don’t do well on zero sleep. I’m cranky and mean and irritable and snippy and zero percent fun to be around. *I* don’t even like my sleep deprived self.

Granted, this breast feeding plan may fly right out the window but that’s my ideal scenario at the moment and I’m clinging to it like a lifeline since I no longer have a clue as to what kind of childbirth experience I’ll have.

I realize that it is possible for anyone to have any kind of labor and delivery, but if you go through your entire pregnancy with zero complications you can at least live on a wing and a prayer that your childbirth experience will be what you hoped for.

As for me…I’ll find out tomorrow if the sprout is still lying transverse and if he’s growing correctly and if my pieces parts, like my placenta, are functioning as they should be. If something isn’t right?

Suffice it to say that Tim and I are trying to be semi-prepared for the potential of baby sprout coming super early.

We did baby laundry (every time I said “baby laundry” Tim could crack up all, “Whenever you say that I think of tiny little shirts being washed…”) over the weekend, made sure the pack n’ play had clean sheets, his changing table pad was set up and the burp cloths, etc were washed and ready for action. We also ordered a bunch of important things – like a carseat – off of Amazon, so at least the sprout would have a way to get home…however I’ve yet to get anything packed for myself…but that’s what today is for, right?

I really don’t think we’ll end up with a baby by the weekend, but it’s better to be prepared than surprised.

Top all of the baby preparation off with Lexi and her foot swelling up like a blimp yesterday. We have no idea what happened and a vet visit is in order later this morning. Call it divine intervention in a weird, messed up way because both dogs also needed to have their Bordatella vaccine updated so we are able to drop them off at puppy daycare at a moment’s notice.

I suppose I should start doing something important, like packing my own bag or washing more of the sprout’s stuff…

It’s like if I procrastinate andΒ don’t do it, it isn’t real…because I’m not even sure I’m ready for the reality that’s about to be at my vaginal doorstep.

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27 Responses to “the reality at my vaginal doorstep”


  1. 1 Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength January 9, 2012 at 10:45 am

    Good luck mama! Hope your appointment goes well. If it makes you feel any better I love love love sleep as well and I thought it was a little hard at first, but I was blessed with a really good sleeper. I’ve just adjusted my sleep times a bit now and go to bed super early. No biggie. πŸ™‚

    • 2 Jessica January 9, 2012 at 1:50 pm

      Thank you, friend! πŸ™‚

      I already go to bed super early…so yikes! I hope we have a good sleeper with the sprout. Only time will tell, I suppose.

  2. 3 JessSutera January 9, 2012 at 11:07 am

    I can’t even imagine how this all must feel for you, totally surreal I bet! But you are READY, more than ready. Just trust that.

  3. 5 jobo January 9, 2012 at 11:35 am

    Good luck at your appt!! And you will adjust, I promise. And then you can tell me all about it so whenever it’s my turn I don’t freak over lack of sleep either πŸ˜‰

    • 6 Jessica January 9, 2012 at 1:51 pm

      Thank you! I know I will adjust…it’s just the thought of the adjustment that has me all weirded out…

      I’ll be sure to tell you…ALL about it πŸ˜‰

  4. 7 jodiq January 9, 2012 at 11:50 am

    I had a friend who never felt a contraction–absolutely no pain with her vaginal delivery. You can hope, my dear. But, if you’re not so fortunate, be encouraged, the pain will soon be a memory and you’ll have sweet baby smells and cuddles, which obliterates a lot.

    Will say a prayer for you today πŸ™‚

  5. 9 PJ January 9, 2012 at 12:12 pm

    Ooh, for the sleep thing – I’ve heard that “Mom’s on call” is great! Many blogger and a few of my friends have used them and just love them! It might help you a lot because from what I understand – they really help you with the whole parenting thing through the different ages of the kid(s). The sleep thing – they teach you how tro train your kid to sleep through the night once they get to a certain age.

    I hope that sprout is okay!

  6. 11 Jenera January 9, 2012 at 1:12 pm

    You will get less sleep and there will be crying (by both of you) but somehow it all kind of works out, sort of. The first few weeks of both babies is kind of a blur. The good thing is if you get evil, you kind of get a free pass lol.

    • 12 Jessica January 9, 2012 at 1:57 pm

      (I had to rescue this comment…and another one…from the spam folder. My blog has been put on notice never to do that again! πŸ™‚ )

      I’m totally using the evil pass, I’m afraid. Mostly because I have no idea how I’ll handle the lack of sleep + what the hell am I doing otherwise.

  7. 13 Cindy January 9, 2012 at 1:43 pm

    Hang in there! Do what you feel you need to do, because that will help ease your stress, but trust me when I say that whatever doesn’t get done before the sprout arrives can be done after the fact. You’ve ordered the car seat, and honestly that’s the most important part because of course you need to get him home. The rest will fall into place. As far as sleep, yeah, the deprivation is hard at times, but truly having your little one in the world does a whole lot to help off-set those feelings. And yes, at other times it’s just really hard. If you’d ever like to talk, I can e-mail my phone number. I’m going through the sleep thing myself, as you know, although it’s gotten much better. Again I say, just hang in there and take it one day at a time. You can do this!! All of it!!

    • 14 Jessica January 9, 2012 at 1:54 pm

      Sounds like a plan…I know you’ve been through this once…and are going through it now, again! It helps to be able to commiserate with someone, that is for sure! πŸ™‚

  8. 15 bevchen January 9, 2012 at 2:32 pm

    My frend is due on 3rd February and she hasn’t packed her hospital bag yet either!

  9. 17 Txtingmrdarcy January 9, 2012 at 4:03 pm

    This post needs an epic soundtrack… like ‘The Final Countdown’ or ‘Eye of the Tiger.’ You and Tim have this covered, MommaBoosh

  10. 19 mm January 9, 2012 at 9:56 pm

    Good luck at your appointment! I hope everything goes well!!

  11. 21 Papa Guy January 10, 2012 at 12:39 am

    sweetie, just wait till he pees in your half awake eye….and It WILL happen.
    Now that’s an eye opener.

  12. 23 Emily January 10, 2012 at 9:54 am

    Believe me, things will always work out better than you imagine. I slept better with a newborn than I did while pregnant! I’m the type that needs about 10hours of sleep to function, so I was really nervous about the lack of sleep. Look up #zombiemom on twitter – there’s always company!

  13. 25 Oregon Sunshine January 10, 2012 at 2:33 pm

    Wish I’d have known about Lexi’s paw. You could have tried giving her some benedryl to see if that would combat the swelling. If it did, then it would have probably been a bite. If not, at least the benedryl kept her quiet and off that paw.

    I love sleep too. I am so glad my kids are older and I get to sleep again. You will eventually too. And the first night Sprout sleeps 6 hours, you will think you’ve hit the lottery. πŸ™‚

    • 26 Jessica January 10, 2012 at 3:35 pm

      Amen on the sprout (eventually) sleeping six hours!

      We thought about not taking her to the vet right away…but with all the unknown with the sprout, we figured better safe than sorry….even though it was SO. EXPENSIVE.

      • 27 Oregon Sunshine January 10, 2012 at 5:51 pm

        Tell me about it! Roxanne tried to unzip her dog “suit” the day after we moved in here by jumping through a broken window we were out picking up supplies to board up! How “Old Dane”, “hip dysplasia”, and “doesn’t jump” translated into “Let’s go through a window!” I’ll never know. (I do have my suspicions though). A trip to the ER Vet isn’t cheap. But neither is a trip to the regular vet anymore!


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