the weekend of fail

I’m not even sure where I’ve been the last…ohhhh…however many days. I feel like everything is coming down to the wire and there is so much still to do before baby sprout and OMG I’m so far behind…..anyhow.

Hi.

Welcome to my world.

Wherever I’ve been, I’m pretty sure it wasn’t “online,” unless you count the Christmas shopping I did yesterday…all day. I *did* actually purchase a few things in a real live store, though. I think that kind of task – when going it alone, 31 weeks pregnant – deserves some kind of credit.

Anyhow.

Remember how I said on Friday we had all these awesome things to do over the weekend?

Like go to a holiday party Friday night?

Or test drive a car?

How about that second work party on Saturday?

Cutting down my very own Christmas tree?

Grocery shopping so we have food in the house?

FAIL.

The Friday night holiday party turned into Smashburger and recorded TV.

(Smashburger…super delicious but not exactly super healthy. It gave me the Smashpoo the next morning…zero percent fun)

Saturday’s test drive was a bust because Tim and the car people couldn’t work out whatever it was they needed to work out to make it worthwhile to drive an hour to look at a car. Apparently, *my* car isn’t selling very well and so the amount we owe versus the amount the car people want to give us isn’t jiving.

FAIL.

We did, however, find out that Saturday morning would be the last total lunar eclipse in three years and that we were lucky enough to be in a really great spot to see (most of) it.

Tim and I love nature-y stuff like this and were willing to drag ourselves out of bed at five in the morning to capture these…at a dog park, no less.

(You can see the definition of the moon/eclipse better if you click on the picture and zoom in…)

(This is how the magic happens)

After freezing in 14 degrees, we grabbed a quick breakfast to fuel the chopping down our Christmas tree.

Yay!

I was super excited about cutting down a tree watching Tim cut down a tree……..until we got to the tree farm and they pointed us in the direction of an open, empty field with like, seven trees, all under four feet tall.

Tim and I were all, “Seriously?!….Seriously?….You’re…this? These?…No….”

I wish I had taken a picture…but my mind was reeling something ferocious…like, “WHO CUTS DOWN SAPLINGS?!”

We tried looking for a few other places but those didn’t really pan out, either, mostly because the closest one we found where we didn’t need a permit required us to bring all of our own supplies and we would have to drive through the snow on non-roads into a forest to find a tree.

This?

Probably not a very smart idea with a growing-by-the-second preggo wife.

SIDEBAR

Did you know that after you reach something like 30 or 31 weeks, your belly can grow a half an inch to an inch a week? A WEEK! OMG!

END SIDEBAR.

So…anyhow…we ended up……

….I’m almost embarrassed to even admit to this…

…we ended up…here.

And on the way here Tim was all, “I feel so bad. We’re not doing anything on your list from your blog!”

I just laughed all, “It’s no big deal…we’ll call it the weekend of fail…plus one add! The eclipse!”

Little did we know the “laughing” was only going to get…um…better.

When we got to the tree farm parking lot, we both looked at each other like, “You have got to be joking…

But, we resigned ourselves to, at bare minimum, go out to look at what they had.

Wouldn’t you know it? I ended up picking out the biggest Nobel Fir I’ve ever seen.

As in the biggest tree Tim and I have ever purchased.

As in it is probably at least seven feet tall.

When the guy working the tree place saw Tim pull up our car he was all, “Uhh…how about I put this on my Durango and deliver it for you?….”

We have a small, four door car.

(I guess this is the part where I tell you which car…because “small four door car” isn’t very descriptive…)

Our “small, four door car” is a BMW 325i. Sorry…I’ve been corrected. It’s a 328xi.

Anyway….

What his mouth didn’t say but his eyes were screaming was: There is no way in hell that tree is going onto your car without something catastrophic occurring.

Funny, though, Tim and I both had overheard another family, not five minutes before we picked out our tree, asking if they’d deliver.

Their answer?

We don’t do that.

Um….

Maybe it was because I was pregnant.

Or maybe it was because his daughter and I shared a name…minus a C, plus a K…

She’s a cheerleader, didn’t y’know and they just had their “Super Bowl” where she cheered on the big, high school field….

After we had our tree?

Operation Christmas was ON.

We may have failed at almost everything we had planned over the weekend, but we did a ton of other things, like decorate the inside and outside of the house.

Mini RANT: What the hell is wrong with Christmas lights? Tim and I tested every single strand and replaced every single blown bulb so everything was in perfect working order and 100% lit before we started putting them up outside.

And putting them up wasn’t exactly a walk in the park. Tim had to maneuver and stretch and teeter on the ladder while I had to hold his body weight plus the ladder on the areas where it was just snow and rocks and when we turned them on?

FULL SECTIONS OF A FEW STRANDS WEREN’T WORKING.

RANDOM, SINGLE LIGHTS ON OTHERS WERE BLOWN.

WHY?!

WHY?!

WHY?!

We had to replace the random single lights that, magically, no longer worked and then take down the entire we-worked-inside-but-just-kidding-we’re-broken strands and put up new ones.

This took twice as long as putting up the lights alone and by the end of it all Tim was cursing every step on the ladder.

I can’t really blame him.

We also made the little boughs + bows on the porch posts.

I love them…even though there were also a PITA to put up.

(I really have no idea why we torture ourselves like this every year. Tim says he does it because I like the decorations…so I guess it’s just me who likes the pain)

But, still. Lookit how pretty!

(We’ve since added a wreath to the front door and red bows to the lights on either side of the garage…)

And our tree!

(The mantle is like a feast for the eyes with all of the random…things…we put up there…including the freaky, bendy red-headed bald santa that we’re not entirely sure how we obtained)

And the puppies, Maddie and Lexi, with the tree!

(I had to coerce them with promises of “big treats!” while Tim took the picture)

We also started the Tim’s Direct Reports Holiday Gift Project. I made puppy chow (have you read my 4th grade mortification story behind this, yet?) while Tim made fudge.

We’re doing the baking for this project in stages because I cannot possibly make puppy chow, fudge, chocolate dipped pretzels and sugar cookies (including icing) in one day without wanting to murder someone.

The cookies are happening today…the pretzels + assembly of the treat tins tomorrow.

I’ll post the finished product when it’s all said and done…plus recipes.

Yay for high calorie holiday treats!

I’m also thinking of making some kind of “We’re the people who never really talk to anyone” goodie bags for our neighbors. Mostly so they know we’re not Satan and because if we have any leftover puppy chow, I’ll eat it with reckless abandon….like I’ve already been doing…it’s like I can’t stop…and the only way to quit is to remove the temptation.

I just don’t see myself sneaking into the neighbors home to take back my puppy chow all stealthy like.

For one, I’m not that brave.

Two? Pregnant does not equal stealthy.

Pregnant equals dropping your iPhone in a bowl of cereal.

(I’m so not kidding)

(I totally did that last night)

(I don’t even know how it happened)

(It wasn’t my fault)

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11 Responses to “the weekend of fail”


  1. 1 JessSutera December 13, 2011 at 11:22 am

    HA! I love that Tim legit said “I feel so bad, we’re not doing anything from your list on the blog!” A sign of a guy who truly appreciates his wife’s bloggy ways. πŸ™‚

    LOVE how festive your house looks!!! AND that fudge? Can you beam some over to me, puhleeze and thank you πŸ™‚

    • 2 Jessica December 13, 2011 at 1:04 pm

      He definitely appreciates the blog…in his own way, anyway! πŸ™‚

      And I’d love to beam some over to you! We have SO MUCH and this pregnant chick is NOT eating it…all…. πŸ™‚

  2. 3 jobo December 13, 2011 at 12:59 pm

    um, yummy treats…and um, your tree and house look beautiful! I want to visit! πŸ˜‰ Thank you for the Christmas card, it totally made my night last night!!

  3. 5 thoughtsappear December 13, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    Pretty lights! Mmmm…fudge.

    Regarding the cereal, It could have been worse. At least you didn’t drop your phone in the toilet.

  4. 7 PJ December 13, 2011 at 1:22 pm

    I love the house decorations! The outside looks beautiful. I love the way that candles in the windows look and with your lights, it’s even better.

    Also – I think you need this: (http://celebritybabies.people.com/2011/12/12/jewels-and-pinstripes-luxe-baby-boy-gift-bag-a-400-value/)

    • 8 Jessica December 13, 2011 at 1:25 pm

      Thank you!! I SO ENTERED!

      Now….the winning part…. πŸ™‚

      I never did candles…that was Tim’s thing…but they’ve grown on me and I love them! Thank you!

  5. 9 Txtingmrdarcy December 13, 2011 at 3:00 pm

    Your living room looks so pretty!! Love the stockings and the gorgeous tree. Puppers included.

    Plz send fudge.

  6. 10 KB December 14, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Awesome tree! Sounds like you actually got a lot done, maybe just “off list” stuff. Still = success.

    We were supposed to cut down our tree this year, but ended up getting it for the 3rd year in a row at (maybe this will make you feel better…) Home Depot… Lol. Hoping next year Colton will be less run aroundy where we can go in the big tree forest and not worry about losing him!

    And good idea on the share with the neighbors. Always nice to get to know them.

    KB


  1. 1 the last christmas « booshy Trackback on January 4, 2012 at 1:22 pm

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