*naked bump update*

Do you remember sometime back in….oh…I don’t know….like when it wasn’t single digits outside and I could wear shorts and my bump looked like this (aka: nonexistent)?

12 Weeks

Well, what do you think of me, NOW?

30 Weeks


Personally, *I* think:

A: Fat face + double chin

B: Scar alert! (thanks, abnormal mole)

C: I still have TEN weeks for this thing to grow

The most awful part?

My energy level has been close to a big, fat z-e-r-o this past week. I’ve yet to go to the gym (fail), I’ve yet to walk to dogs (double fail) and I’ve absolutely been hanging out on the couch, trying to will myself to do something other than imagine all the things I *should* be doing (win!).

I have no idea what happened between last week and this week but OMG. I feel like I’m reaching first trimester zombie status. I know baby sprout is now putting on lots of weight and all that jazz but who knew that adding fat would zap my energy all KAPOW!

He’s also quite the comedian, the sprout. Whether it is on purpose or not, he has decided that daddy’s hands on my belly = snuggle time, so, now, whenever Tim puts his hand on my belly, my bump will become all lopsided and hard right under Tim’s hand while the sprout gets all cozy and comfortable.

Oh…have I never told you that Tim has this crazy gift (as his mom called it…and she’s totally right)?

His hands NEVER. GET. COLD. I mean, NEVER. It doesn’t matter if they’ve been outside in the freezing rain without gloves for seven hours. He’ll come in and they’re still toasty warm.


Super huge bonus for everyone.

And by everyone I mean me.

Except…I think the sprout is catching on and I’m pretty sure Tim will be more eager to use those hands on the sprout once he’s made his appearance… *sigh*

Other than zero energy, I’m slightly freaking out on the inside because ten weeks until D-Day, also known as the day the watermelon squeezes out of the lemon, isn’t exactly very long. At all.

On the plus side…my weight gain over the past three weeks was only three pounds – and this was over Thanksgiving – bringing the total so far to 25 pounds (sad face). I told Tim at the doctor’s office that my original goal was to only gain 25 pounds…which, obviously, I’ve met, albeit sooner than I’d hoped. Tim was all, “Even the nurse said you were all belly.”

Yah…but…still. 25 pounds with ten more weeks to go?!

This doesn’t bode well for my psyche.

Also? Other than intermittent boob leakage, I’ve been having a lot pain down in the lady bits. As in rolling over in bed, getting out of bed or any other position that would typically require the separation of ones knees is no longer a viable option for me.

Knees must remain glued together or OMG. Fire in the hole.

I had actually figured out a system for the knees-glued-together-acrobatics and this used to be the only time I really had vajayjay pain, so it was manageable…bearable.


It hurts to walk.


Why? What changed in a week? Where did all of this ouchie come from?! I’m trying to adjust to walking without hitting door frames with my stomach and doing a half-bend contortionist type move to pick things up off the floor and live with the fact that yes, I must grunt in any attempt to get up from a seated position.

So, really, body, what I’m saying is work with me, here. I could do without the constant sore lady bits.

We may as well mention the Braxton Hicks contractions (the painless ones that just feel really weird, like someone is squeezing you from the inside) I get on a daily basis, now. They happen a lot when I bend over, so I guess I need to add that to the list of things I probably shouldn’t be doing anymore.

Apparently, these contractions mean my uterus is getting ready for prime time, so I can only imagine they’ll become more and more frequent as the days and weeks tick by.

Also, again? I need a back masseuse. Like, a permanent one. I had no idea my back would hurt as much as it currently does. It doesn’t matter if I’m standing or sitting or doing anything else in between. If I do “it” for too long? Backache.

We won’t even get into sleeping.

I kissed that wonderful piece of harmony goodbye awhile ago and with a growing bump, it just gets more and more elusive…and let me tell you: I LOVE MY SLEEP. I’ve always been able to sleep…always…so this is a huge adjustment for me that will probably take years to reconcile.

I’m growing by the day, my friends, so I cannot even allow myself to imagine what the next few weeks will bring to my ever expanding waistline…it already feels like the sprout is running out of room in there to do his daily gymnastics routine.


20 Responses to “*naked bump update*”

  1. 1 JessSutera December 7, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    HUGS!! I know I keep saying this – but you DO look awesome. And the nurse WAS right: you are all belly. I know, I know – the way you’re seeing yourself right now vs. how we (and your husband) see you are two entirely different things. And I know it’s got to be hard but I mean it – you look so fit and strong and healthy!!

    But ps. I really wish you could sleep. That’s just cruel considering how sleep deprived you’ll be once sprout arrives. Oy! Hang in there!!

    • 2 Jessica December 9, 2011 at 11:27 am

      I’m hanging! And thank you! I was thinking today in my barre class how I only have two…three months until I can start getting back into post-baby shape! Yay! 🙂

  2. 3 Amy December 7, 2011 at 2:19 pm

    You look great! Seriously! Maybe when they weigh you at the dr office, you could request to be weighed backwards so that you can’t see the numbers & won’t freak out?

    I feel that not being able to sleep while pregnant is cruel, because we all know how little sleep we’ll get AFTER the baby’s born. Now should be a time for stocking up on z’s!

    That’s fun that the sprout likes to cuddle with daddy. Alvie Bean is a joker & no matter how active he’s being, the minute the architect lays on hands (hee!), he stops moving immediately. Little stinker.

    • 4 Jessica December 9, 2011 at 11:29 am

      I was actually proud of myself…only gaining 3 pounds in 3 weeks this past visit. The two visits before that I was gaining something like 1.5 pounds/week. YIKES!

      I hear you on the non-sleep. Everyone keeps saying it is to prepare me for the zero sleep I’ll get once the baby comes. But, I mean, come on! A good sleep is SO NICE.

      Love how Alvie Bean stops moving! Sprout does that sometimes, too! Too funny!

  3. 5 Amy - Hamlet's Mistress December 7, 2011 at 2:54 pm

    Someone’s looking FABULOUS!!! (Sing-songy hilarity ensues along with **JAZZ HANDS**)

    I do think you look fantastic. And honestly? After reading all of your down on pregnancy posts, I know you have 10 weeks left, but it’s not been that bad, knock on wood. You haven’t scared me off of it if we ever make the decision to take that step. You’ve actually been SO much better since the scale left. I’m proud of you and thrilled that you’re taking us all on this journey with you. It really is beautiful. Leaking nipples and painful lady bits aside.

    • 6 Jessica December 9, 2011 at 11:31 am

      Can you please come visit me…if only for the jazz hands (I kid…more than just the jazz hands…)?

      Also? Thank you! I’m glad I haven’t scared you off…I mean…in general, this pregnancy has been really easy…it is just the last few weeks where life is beginning to get uncomfortable…

      And I agree. I’m totally better sans scale.

  4. 7 jobo December 7, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    Aww! I love these pictures! And seriously, brave to post them since you have been struggling with body image…but you look seriously awesome. REALLY and TRULY. I can’t believe 10 weeks or bust! (er, bad wording…lol). XOXO

  5. 9 Angelia Sims December 8, 2011 at 1:51 am

    You *really* do have a baby in there! Awh, he is growing up. Told you it happens fast. 10 weeks is gonna FLY. You better start practicing your breathing!

  6. 11 KB December 8, 2011 at 5:08 am

    With all SIL love intended, I truly wish I could fix your psyche, girl! You are not supposed to set a goal for how much weight you gain during pregnancy. As long as you are eating highly nutritious meals, you gain what you gain. Little man is actually in charge here and it’s for the best. You should be *cherishing* every pound gained because it’s all about HIS growth and development, not your image issues.

    I will continue with my roll with it and enjoy the ride mantra that you’re probably sick of hearing. Sorry, SIL, that’s my first and only nephew baking in there. His well being is my reason for being a pain in your posts… Lol. Can’t help it 🙂


  7. 12 Shannon December 8, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Good thinking on the naked picture for the belly! So much easier to see:) You are all belly. I have a friend who currently, well, isn’t. She is not lovin that fact. You look great!

  8. 14 thebakerbee December 8, 2011 at 8:41 am

    You are freaking adorable, preggo lady. Good luck with the ouchie lady parts. That sucks.

  9. 16 Masked Mom December 9, 2011 at 1:39 am

    I pulled a groin muscle while pregnant with my second. Could that be behind (under, around?) the ouchie lady bits? I mean, not that there aren’t six thousand reasons for discomfort in “regular” pregnancy.

    (PS–I’m hoping you remember that I was here a few times a long time ago and that I’m not just some weird random stalkery person talking about your private parts. I think I originally found you through The Bloggess’s comments, maybe? And I “met” Angelia up there through NaBloPoMo and refound you through her. )

    • 17 Jessica December 9, 2011 at 11:33 am

      I remember you! 🙂 Glad you’ve re-found me because seriously – I need all the help I can get on the lady bits. For serious. They’re gonna be pissed at me in a few months……

  10. 18 CountryBoyCityGirl December 9, 2011 at 7:49 am

    I really enjoy reading your blog and seeing you progess towards motherhood. I have nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award.


  11. 20 mbelk December 13, 2011 at 12:50 pm

    I am not good at guessing these dates.

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