the elusive “mystery” box

Tim: Did you know there was an unopened Amazon box upstairs in the closet in the sprout’s room?

Me: Huh?

Tim: While we were searching for the Christmas ornaments…


We thought all of our Christmas ornaments had gotten lost in the move because we couldn’t find them ANYWHERE.

This would have been catastrophic, people. To the tune of a hormonal meltdown larger than I am even prepared to admit. Every single ornament Tim and I have ever owned were missing and there is just no replacing the clothespin reindeer you made in kindergarten.

And you’d think you’d be able to find anything in a basement that looks like this:

Apparently, we forgot to look in the stack of totes to the right of the rack in the back.

The really obvious one labeled “Christmas. Fragile.”



Tim: While we were searching…I checked the sprout’s closet

Me: I told you they weren’t in there. I just cleaned out that closet. It’s just sprout stuff…

Tim: I checked anyway…remember what you said?

Me: Ummm…No.

Tim: *sigh* The part about double checking you because you don’t remember anything?….That part?…Anyway, there’s a box up there. Do you know what it is?

Me: Umm….No. I mean, I didn’t buy anything for you that I’m hiding…yet…so…

Tim: Well, what is it?

Me: Umm…judging by my complete bewilderment and utter confusion I am sure is written on my face, I have no clue. Maybe if I look at it I’ll remember? Highly doubtful at this point but worth a shot I guess.

So, off we went to the sprout’s room where I pulled out this box with the telltale Amazon smiley face arrow thing. Completely unopened and addressed to “Jessica and Tim Bold”

Me: Well, it has to be from our registry or from my mom…

Tim: Alright Sherlock, how do you know?

Me: Whenever it’s from your mom, you’re first. As in: Tim and Jessica. It’s not very heavy (begin shaking box)…I have no idea what this is.

Tim: Is there a date on it anywhere?

We began searching…and searching….and searching the box for a date stamp. By the way? You’ll find the shipping date with the smallest print in the history of shipping labels that you need a magnifying glass to be able to read.

Tim: October?! We’ve had this box for over a month?!

Me: So it says…

Tim: What is this?!


Tim: Should we open it?

Me: I think we have to? If it was a gift, I guess we can just act surprised?

Tim: That sounds…..reasonable?

Tim handed me a pair of scissors and I began cutting the tape, still completely confused as to what could possibly be in a box that I don’t even remember getting.

Me: I seriously don’t remember this box. Like, at all.

Tim: Well, I know *I* didn’t put it in the sprout’s closet, so you had to have done that.

Me: I don’t remember that part, either.

As I get the box opened, Tim is all, WAIT! Let’s check the packing slip first? Maybe there’s a card?

So he did…

Tim: Wait…didn’t you order sheets awhile ago?

Me: What?

(begin rifling through the box)

Me: Ooooohhhhhhh!!!! THHHHHEEESSSEEE!

Tim: OMG. Are you serious right now?

Me: I totally forgot I ordered the sheets for the crib and pack n’ play. Also? I still have zero memory of getting the box and putting it in the closet…wow. Just…WOW. I never understood my mother when she’d tell me she didn’t remember and I’d be all, “How can you forget?!” Apparently, you can…and will…to the point the memory doesn’t even exist in your brain….WOW. I’m that person.

Tim: I guess it’s a good thing I found the it or else you’d have realized – at some point – we were missing sheets and then you’d be on the phone with Amazon all, “WHERE ARE MY SHEETS?!”

Me: You legit need to post-it reminders to my forehead or scribble them on my person with a sharpie because I am obviously incapable of memory.


17 Responses to “the elusive “mystery” box”

  1. 1 Kathy December 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Oh Just wait….it gets better!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT!!!!!

  2. 3 Beth December 1, 2011 at 1:30 pm

    Blame it on the hormones (I always do). Since having kids, my brain has become Swiss cheese. πŸ™‚

  3. 5 becomingcliche December 1, 2011 at 1:55 pm

    Children eat brain cells, like adorable little zombies.

  4. 7 Shannon December 1, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    That is freakin hilaaaaarious! Just think, by forgetting things it gives you fun surprises for later:)

  5. 9 Maureen December 1, 2011 at 3:12 pm

    Your basement is the cleanest, prettiest basement ever.

  6. 11 JessSutera December 1, 2011 at 3:17 pm

    OMG that is frickin hysterical!!!!

  7. 13 thebakerbee December 1, 2011 at 11:41 pm

    I’d love to tell you it gets better. It doesn’t. My boss thinks it hilarious that I can’t remember even the simplest bullshit 18 months after having Eli. I think it’s not so funny.

    • 14 Jessica December 2, 2011 at 9:27 am

      OMG! I knew it! I’m down the path of never remembering anything ever again! I used to pride myself on being able to remember everything without having to write it down.

      Not anymore.

  8. 15 KB December 2, 2011 at 9:16 am

    Lol! Been there done that. I’d love to tell you that baby brain goes away with childbirth (like gestational diabetes, yo)….but not so much. Don’t experts say we only use a small percentage of our brain capacity? Well, I’d like to allocate some of my unused partitions just to baby! That would make everything all better, right?


  9. 17 jobo December 2, 2011 at 11:20 am

    Haha!! that is hysterical!!! But, uh, score on the sheets for the crib!

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