we had to stick it in the sink to dismantle the bomb that went off

Not only does he work a zillion hours a week, he’s now also chief animal throw-up and diarrhea cleaner upper, since I’m carrying the sprout and probably shouldn’t be handling “live cultures.”

And for whatever reason, it’s like all of the animals, except Chloe, have decided that NOW is the time to puke and assplode – literally – all over the house. I can’t even tell you how many times we’ve woken up to a gigantic mess in the loft or downstairs in the kitchen.

OMG. It’s like poetic justice. As I’m writing this…what happens? Lexi starts making the puking noises in the kitchen and SURE ENOUGH.

BARF.

(I’ve learned to put a kitchen towel underneath her mouth, which makes cleanup way easier)

(Regardless, it’s still absolutely disgusting)

We have no idea what the problem is (food? change of water? me being pregnant? aliens?) but since we moved out to Colorado, it’s like at least one of the animals decide to puke or expel their bowels every. single. week.

Except Chloe.

Chloe is the only one who is still in Tim’s good graces.

It really just keeps…happening. It’s like this horrid, perpetual, never-ending cycle.

This morning at 4:20, I awoke to Tim yelling from downstairs.

Apparently, THE POO had struck again.

I stumbled downstairs, still half asleep, trying to mumble something about how I could do it. Tim just ignores me, now, when I offer to help. It’s fruitless for me to even utter the words anymore – but it makes me feel less guilty.

At least I offered.

Instead, while he was firing off expletives and cleaning up Lexi’s apparent bowel issue, which spread from one end of the kitchen to the other, along with part of the family room (I’m pretty sure this intestinal upset is due to us changing their food), he was all, “ALL YOU ANIMALS ARE GOING TO LIVE ON A FARM. SOMEWHERE ELSE………..except Chloe!!!!!”

I honestly think he’s serious. I mean, the poor man is at his wits end. Just yesterday, Alegre decided to have her own assplosion that required – in addition to cleaning the carpet in the hallway – human intervention with her rear.

As in: we had to stick *it* in the sink to dismantle the bomb that went off.

We singlehandedly keep Bissell and Resolve in business.

My day has gone to crap – in the most basic sense of the word. I had big plans today to go to the gym and you know, leave the house to purchase important items like toilet paper (For serious. We’re totally out) but now? Now that Lexi has decided she has to run outside every thirty minutes?

None of that will be happening.

Sure, Lexi. I can’t wipe my own ass with more than one tiny square but as long as yours makes it outside, we’re all doing just fine.

Instead?

I’m on round the clock Poo Watch.

*sigh*

(guess I’ll be productive and super clean the house)

(because you have to have a clean house for Thanksgiving)

(it’s the rule)

(I’ll have to talk about our seven year meet-a-versary date night tomorrow. I can’t even focus on anything else other than poo at the moment)

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21 Responses to “we had to stick it in the sink to dismantle the bomb that went off”


  1. 1 Shannon November 21, 2011 at 10:15 am

    I needed this laugh on this monday morning. I’m sorry I’m laughing at you. Perhaps with you. Guess what that sprout is going to do….the same thing. It is amazing how much can come out of such a little thing. Good luck today:) I will be doing T-day cleaning on wednesday minus the poo.

  2. 3 Brandy November 21, 2011 at 10:26 am

    Sorry! Hopefully everyone will be feeling better soon. Tim is awesome! Glen has to clean it up in our house because I barf if I try…. Oh the joy of animal ownership. 🙂 Happy Monday, Jess!

  3. 5 jobo November 21, 2011 at 10:30 am

    Ick! Poor fur babies! 😉 supppper cute kitty. I couldn’t be mad at her either!

  4. 7 Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength November 21, 2011 at 10:52 am

    Sounds like these animals are preparing you for the sprout quite nicely. We keep Resolve handy at all times for all of the spit up we get on the couch and living room rug. And last night my husband asked “Do all babies have poop explosions like ours?”.

  5. 9 Joann November 21, 2011 at 11:58 am

    My word for the day is assplode! However, my kitty, Trouble, has left me two messes to clean up this morning, both escaping from his mouth and the other two kitties keep walking up to them reminding me that I still need to get the Spot-bot out to clean them.

    • 10 Jessica November 22, 2011 at 7:53 am

      Isn’t it funny how the cats “tell” you what they want done? One of our other cats, Gracie, will let us know if there’s a “problem” with the litter box or if they’re out of food. It’s the only time she follows you around and then, when you come near the cat room, she darts in the all, “MEOW!”

  6. 11 Daniela November 21, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Ok, I don’t even wanna imagine just how bad it must be-
    but still it kinda made me laugh 😉

    And I guess this is good training for when the sprout comes and one day has similar issues… ^^

    Keep hanging there and be grateful for you husband! Seems he’s a keeper! 🙂

  7. 13 KB November 21, 2011 at 12:31 pm

    Tell my brother ima gonna find him some angel wings for Christmas this year!

    KB

  8. 15 Michelle Kreifels November 21, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    Oh goodness…I have had this happen to me with four dogs once. What helped clear it up was me giving them celery, spinach, and collard greens. I kid you not, one of my dogs just LOVED celery.

    I hope the poo-cycle goes away soon!

  9. 17 Oregon Sunshine November 22, 2011 at 12:14 am

    Oh Jessica, you do not single handedly keep Bissel and Resolve in business. I do! I have you beat on the number of critters, and usually someone isn’t feeling too well, or has a hairball, or something else.

    Sorry they’re not feeling well. What did you switch the dogs from and to?

    • 18 Jessica November 22, 2011 at 7:55 am

      True – you have me beat by a long shot!

      We were on Fromm Gold…moving back to California Natural. They never had any issues with that (CA Natural)…but we’ve had multiple issues with Fromm, mostly with Lexi…

  10. 19 carolyn November 22, 2011 at 11:10 pm

    Just as an FYI – we had a Jack Russell Terror (I mean Terrier) who had IBS, believe it or not. And he would upchuck on a regular basis. And so we taught him to puke in the toilet. I’m not kidding. Just sayin’. There’s hope for your fur babies yet. . .


  1. 1 along the lines of neat freak… « booshy Trackback on January 21, 2012 at 7:48 am

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