don’t flame me

There is this term that I’ve come across on one of the pregnancy forums I stalk (I’m obsessed, obviously) and every time I hear it I keep trying to remember to utilize it because it’s too perfect to let die.

Flame.

As in: Don’t flame me but…I just ate an entire box or Oreos/I forgot to take my pre-natal/I’m 100% circumcising my child.

(It’s like we just played two lies and a truth and you didn’t even know it)

Can you guess which of those three are actually true?

It’s the penis one.

I wrote about this decision to have the procedure done over on In the Power Room and since I know not everyone visits there, I’m just going to post my thoughts here, too.

It’s only fair to you, right? Don’t you want to know what’s going on in this (completely scatter-brained, cannot even remember to take the keys out of the car) head of mine?

I told Tim this morning that I almost fainted when Maddie got her microchip “inserted” into her back.

If you’ve never seen the microchipping needle, it’s like the size of your pinky finger and because they oh so conveniently had a defective needle/chip, they had to stick her THREE TIMES. She was only a puppy, still, and it killed me having to witness that. Absolutely killed me.

While I was standing in the vet’s exam room, trying to be a supportive pet parent, I legit almost lost it, hearing Maddie cry out after the second failed attempt and barely made it through the third before the room starting closing in on me and my stomach lurched into my throat, complete with the cold sweats and tunnel vision.

I have no idea how I’m going to sit through the sprout’s…”operation” without totally losing it. I’m going to need a chair and a pukey bucket thing for sure.

As difficult as I already know this will be, this is the direction we’re headed, confirmed this morning as we talked on the way to my doctor’s appointment. Which, by the way, I’m measuring exactly 27 weeks and have gained TWENTY TWO POUNDS.

OMG.

I don’t even want to think about it anymore.

So, we’re going to talk penis, instead:

When my husband and I found out we would be having a boy this February, one of the first questions that popped up was about circumcision.  Not how we would raise him or how I was going to recover from the marathon of my life…Noooo.

The burning topic was whether or not we were going to have a doctor slice skin off of his penis.

That’s a question?…That I have to answer? 

Isn’t it obvious?

Cut! Cut! Cut!

I love how the idea of circumcision is supposed to spark some kind of deep and emotional internal debate within me.

Except, there was never even a debate to be had.

Cut! Cut! Cut!

I imagine said internal debate would have gone something like this: Will I pull the trigger on the barbaric genital mutilation or will I use my better judgment and availability to the wealth of medical knowledge to keep the little guy looking like the trunk of an elephant? What do I do?  Oh, moral compass, don’t fail me now!

Simply put: there will be no elephant trunks in this household. Period.

Every single male in my family and my husband’s family had a little snip-snip action and, to put it in the words of my husband, “I’m not going to be the one singing the ‘one of these things is not like the other’ song to explain why his little turtle looks nothing like mine.”

Well said, dear.

And no, this decision has nothing to do with religion. I’m not Jewish, nor is my husband, but we were both initially raised Catholic – maybe that has something to do with it.  If it were for religious reasons, I’m sure everyone would be much more understanding, “Ohhhh…it’s for your religion…I see…”

But, it’s not.  It’s one hundred-percent personal preference, even though the number of males getting circumcised is becoming smaller and smaller due to “discoveries” on why circumcision is a horrible, unnecessary procedure.

Unnecessary or not, our new addition will become part of the shiny turtle cohort come February.

I mean, I’m not completely heartless to what will happen to my freshly born son.

Will I have to be physically restrained to my hospital bed while this procedure is happening, hearing my little boy is screaming bloody murder?

Definitely.

Will I feel insanely guilty and apologize to him every time I have to clean his swollen member?

Absolutely.

Will he thank me at some point in his life?

Probably not.

However, seeing that there are more procedures done to remove the foreskin on adult males than there are to put it back on, I’m confident that I’m safe in my decision.  He won’t even remember it, anyway, right?

Besides, have you ever heard a man complain about his penis being circumcised?

Me neither.

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16 Responses to “don’t flame me”


  1. 1 JessSutera November 17, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Honestly – I do NOT understand why they don’t like put the kid under or numb him up at least. Seems so insanely barbaric to me too! I mean, totally necessary (I think) but still – make it a little less painful maybe?? It’s not like the 1800s here, right??

  2. 3 Angelia Sims November 17, 2011 at 4:39 pm

    I bet the little guy won’t even remember the little snip, snip. However…he would notice in the boy’s locker room later on in life. Good call! 🙂

  3. 5 Shannon November 17, 2011 at 5:16 pm

    I have never understood what the big damn deal is. Just a little snip and go. Why people freak out is beyond me. No need to have a sad looking turtle.

  4. 7 Papa Guy November 17, 2011 at 11:37 pm

    OK girls…..
    we dicided to not do this little procedure done to our son cause, it’s his…..now he is 32 and I haven’t heard a word about it. ever.
    just sayin’
    If he wants to have it done then he can go and have it done. maybe were just children on the 60’s. PEACE, LOVE, IT’S HIS.

  5. 9 Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength November 18, 2011 at 10:12 am

    He definitely won’t remember! They came and scooped my son up so quick to take him to have it done and brought him back before I knew it. He was perfectly fine and smiling. The only part I hated was how it had gauze on it for awhile and it just looked so sore. 😦

  6. 11 Ava November 18, 2011 at 12:26 pm

    And if you had a daughter, would you be circumcising her?

  7. 12 marketingtomilk November 18, 2011 at 2:41 pm

    Not knowing who maddie was i thought you were microchipping your daughter, then i remembered this was your first, and i breathed a sigh of relief. i did once watch a programme about that once – nutcase paranoid parents installing a sat nav in their child’s arm. ouch. circumsize away compared to that.

    M2M

  8. 13 Wendy November 18, 2011 at 4:09 pm

    i have three sons, all three were circumcised, i never even considered not doing it. Their father is… enough said. I know grown men who aren’t and have told me that before they are with a girl for the first time, they feel the need to “mention” that they are not circumcised.

    Anyway, they will just take your son into the nursery and do it there, he’ll be gone and back before you know it. They do it either the day or day after they are born. They don’t even ask if you want to be there, they just take him and do it.

    None of my sons (Now 12, 14 & 16) have ever said to me “ya know that penis cutting thing you had done to me the day I was born? yeah, that sucked”… I’m not even sure they even realize there was ever cutting to their penis.

  9. 14 thoughtsappear November 20, 2011 at 6:34 pm

    I’m with you. I used to work for NIH, and a study found that men who are uncircumcised have a 50% greater chance of contracting HIV. That’s reason enough for me.

  10. 15 Katie Spencer White November 27, 2011 at 5:58 pm

    Good post – and you are right. People loose their freakin minds over this issue. For what it’s worth, I have three sons (number four is due in early March) and I had the Eldest circumcised but not the others. My reasons with Eldest were similar to yours. Then I married a European and moved to England and it isn’t as common. Plus, in the absence of religious obligation, I no longer see the point, nor to I wish to inflict pain. But I will add that Eldest, who will be 21 in March, has never once discussed the rightness or wrongness of my decision, nor do I think it matters to him one way or the other. In the end, it is a personal decision, although it is one I do wish I could reverse. I didn’t give my son a choice and I think he should have had one. That said, I don’t dwell on it much. I’m sure my son can think of a list of offences I’ve committed which he thinks are far more egregious, lol! Kudos to you for having the courage to tackle this one (no pun intended!). Keep it up!

  11. 16 Sam November 27, 2011 at 6:43 pm

    Late to this, but it just came up on someone else’s blog as well. It is interesting seeing this from a US viewpoint, where I’m guessing majority circumcision is the rule. Here in New Zealand the opposite is true. Seeing one or the other is neither uncommon or unusual, and as far I know I don’t know many of my peers that were/are circumcised. I’m not, neither was my father (although to be fair he wasn’t born in NZ).
    It was a topic of discussion/comparison when I was at intermediate school 20+ years ago, even if many of the participants in that discussion weren’t exactly sure what they were talking about, but neither was viewed as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ for lack of better terms.
    What I can say with absolute confidence is that had my daughters been sons, it would not have been an issue for consideration; just wouldn’t have occured to us (although the midwife probably would have mentioned it). We wouldn’t have had it done in any case – for us the case “for” just isn’t compelling enough, in that it seems more of a cultural thing than a medically necessary one.
    There are stats like the HIV one above out there, but they must be examined in context, and I would argue there are likely other more significant factors at play than simply having a foreskin or not (like being taught to clean and look after it properly).
    Just to be clear I am absolutely NOT passing judgement on your decision :). I just find the comparision of viewpoints interesting.


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