i quit

I’m sure you’ve already heard me complain on the Faceplace or the Twitter about this sudden surge in OMG. WEIGHT. So, if you’re tired of my ranting, just stop here and tell me I’m mentally unstable.

For those of you who haven’t OR who happen to be knocked up and having a cow – literally – about weight gain, welcome to my our hell.

It’s like I’m a magnet for poundage. I mean, really, it just flies out of the sky and onto my person without me doing anything more than running away from it like my hair is on fire.

Tim and I counted my calories yesterday. His hypothesis is that I’m not getting enough calories, along with probably definitely not drinking enough water AND my lifting weights and working out around five times a week for an hour to two hours has made my body store everything I feed it.

I’m still of the mind that if I’m not eating enough, shouldn’t I be LOSING weight?

(he doesn’t think so…when pregnancy is involved)

Case in point: my workout yesterday was 30 minutes on the tread climber and an hour of body pump.

This morning?


(and this is after my HALLEUJAH!!!! morning poo)

(you become overly excited about these kinds of things while you’re knocked up and your digestive system no longer functions with any sense of urgency)

I want to contribute this sudden weight explosion to re-starting my weight lifting (read: light weights, lots of reps, nothing to the point of exhaustion) about a month ago. I had completely stopped because my OB was all, “You probably shouldn’t do that.”

And then, my internal self was all, “You see tons of pregnant people in body pump…plus? No one wants to be a hunchback preggo.”

I’m currently housing a uterus the size of a soccer ball – like, a fully inflated one (OMG) – and a child who weighs about two pounds. I decided that if I didn’t do something to keep my back and core strong, I’d probably regret it. No, I’d definitely regret it because weak back muscles = sore back = sad slumpy pregnant self.

In case you hadn’t noticed, my internal self won the argument over my OB. Obviously.

Hence the resurgence in weights. Except, as soon as I started, my weight started shooting up, up, up and it’s like there is no end in sight. Believe me, I’m crying for the days I was complaining about wishing I would gain weight.

Now? I don’t even have to try anymore. It just finds me. I can’t hide from it. Suffice it to say my goal of gaining 25 pounds – total – is looking like an impossibility at this point, unless I just stop gaining weight for about a month…which?

Definitely not happening.

There is a tiny part of me, deep down, that is all, “Juuusssst screw it all. Gain weight. Don’t gain weight. Who cares?

I’m trying to embrace that part of me…but seriously…coming from a lifetime of freaking out at the scale, this constant creeping up towards weights I never thought I’d ever see is killing that part of me.  The part that has always been overly conscious of “weight.”

(I know, I know…it shouldn’t matter)

(but it does!)

(OMG. What if I gain 100 pounds?!)

(I admit that last one is completely irrational)

I basically have a little over three months to go before THE DAY (FREAK OUT. ONLY THREE MONTHS?!) and I have this much of an idea of how my body will react and what it will do in regards to weight gain and pregnancy within that timeframe:


In my pouring over what happens to other pregnant people, because I need someone to tell me or say that I’m normal (though, apparently, there is no “normal” in regards to this subject), I’ve read how some women gain a ton in the second trimester and then level off or they gain nothing in the second and a ton in the third…or hardly anything at all until the bitter end…

I’d rather be one of those bitter enders.

Tim tried to talk me off the ledge yesterday all, “You remember how that girl I worked with gained like, 60 pounds, and then lost it all and then some in a few months after the baby…and she was only 5’4!

Honey, I love you for trying but in the span of a few short weeks, I’m probably going to weigh more than you.

Everyone has reassured me that this is normal. Not to freak out. My body will do what my body wants/needs to do for the sprout – and laughs at me every time I try to tell it otherwise.

But, seriously body, I don’t think we need any more “maternal stores” – there’s PLENTY HERE and I swear I’ll stock the fridge.

(another baby bump picture is to make its appearance sometime this week…then YOU can be the judge)


8 Responses to “i quit”

  1. 1 jobo November 2, 2011 at 9:41 am

    Oh friend, I hate that you are so so SO stressed and worried about the weight gain. I am sure I would be a basketcase at first too, but I really hope you start to accept it a little more and enjoy it, in a way, because your body is doing something amazing right now! I know, it sounds corny, but it’s true, and when you look at it that way and surrender to it a little, it might help your sanity. Once you let your mind go a little and just accept that you are going to gain some weight – let’s face it, there’s nothing you can do about that part! – you are doing it smartly and you will lose it. You WILL. Serenity now…xoxo.

  2. 2 Joann November 2, 2011 at 11:00 am

    I saw some guy yesterday who was amazingly cut, personal trainer, just amazing physique. He purposely gained weight over six months to feel what it was to be one of his clients. He didn’t expect the emotional toll it would take on him and he hates how he feels physically. It’s almost time to begin the losing weight phase. He gained over 70lbs.
    Just focus on the fact that when sprout is born you will begin the taking the weight off phase and it will be so easy because you know how to take good care of yourself and babies love movement in the jogging stroller or in a carrier pouch. Just don’t worry so much now about anything but staying healthy and growing a healthy baby! Sometimes those brains of ours are our worst enemies!

  3. 3 Amy November 2, 2011 at 11:11 am

    Ha! I blogged about weight gain & freakouts today too. I am right there with you.

  4. 4 Angelia Sims November 2, 2011 at 3:11 pm

    Your body is doing something AMAZING. Seriously, what it took to make that, and grow that, and feed that, and then BIRTH that. Your body is AMAZING. It will all be fine.Promise! 🙂

  5. 5 JaimeLynne November 2, 2011 at 9:21 pm

    There are not enough happy pregnancy hormones to stop a woman from flipping out about their weight. The trick is to convince yourself ‘it is for the baby’. It is not easy when you suddenly weigh the same or more than your husband, but it is normal and you will lose the weight. If you are disobeying doctors orders against weights there is no reason you won’t drop the weight very quickly once sprout is born. Plus you have lots of moms who will be sure to tell you exactly what you need to do and how to do it. We will tell you everything from how to lose the weight to how to raise your child. 🙂

  6. 6 Breeza November 2, 2011 at 10:58 pm

    Don’t stress so much! You were a stick before so I think maybe your body needs to add on some weight to grow and feed your little baby. It’s totally natural. You are a rock star athlete and will probably lose it all in like 2 days anyways, so just enjoy this. I know gaining weight sucks, but it’s not permanent. Just keep reminding yourself of that!

  7. 7 JessSutera November 4, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Aww I’m so sad that you’re struggling with the whole weight gain aspect of pregnancy. But I can’t lie – I am pretty sure I’ll feel EXACTLY the same when my time comes. The advice is right tho – what “they” say about letting your body do what it needs to do, it’s almost like coming to peace with your body, letting it do what it needs to do and trusting it (and yourself) that you’ll come out on the other side of this stronger, healthier and a proud beautiful mama. ((hugs))

  8. 8 KB November 4, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Please listen to your OB. They actually have pretty good training and reasons for this type of advice!

    Seriously, girl…if you lived closer, I’d come smack the crap out of ya! Oh wait, I wouldn’t hit a pregnant chick and I definitely wouldn’t hit my dear old SIL (unless you hit me first…haha).

    Hopefully, all the other comments on here and on FB will help you see that you really shouldn’t have this attitude while pregnant. Your baby comes first and foremost (yep, just part of being a mom) so you’ll have to suck it up and deal for now. Go back to being obsessive AFTER he’s born, unless of course you’re breastfeeding, which will be another whole thing with keeping your nutrition/calorie levels high so he gets all the goods!

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