juju request

Tomorrow I have an OB appointment.

I’ll be 27 weeks to. the. day.

(ten more weeks and then baby sprout is full term and can come ANY. TIME. HE. WANTS.)

(Yikes!)

I haven’t stepped on a scale since…it went on vacation Tim took it away. Whenever that was. I don’t even remember anymore, mostly because I don’t really remember anything unless someone reminds me over and over and over again. It goes something like this, even with the most basic things. It’s like the more my belly grows, the worse my memory becomes:

Jessica, you need to pull up your pants.

What?

Your pants!

Huh?

PANTS! UP!

What?

PULL. UP. YOUR. PANTS.

Oh.

So, where were we?…………..oh. Right. I *was* up 17 pounds before I wasn’t allowed to obsess anymore.

(Clarification: I’m totally not obsessing…just…stating the facts here, people)

There is no telling where I’m at now or what will happen tomorrow when I step on the doctor’s scale, but I can say with absolute certainty that I am much, much bigger than I was four weeks ago and my belly button is threatening to pop out and say hello.

So is the life of a preggo, no?

Oh, also? Who was it that forgot to mention that the fatigue one feels during the first trimester comes back and makes an evil appearance in the third?

This is totally unfair.

I miss my energy…and I love the couch…all over again.

It’s a dichotomy, really. I’m having a massive coronary over things in the house not being organized and super clean and just so…yet I have zero desire or energy to do anything about it. I mean, I went grocery shopping and did the laundry yesterday and felt like a hero.

It’s that bad.

I suppose I should enjoy the last few weeks of MY ENTIRE LIFE without children and I shouldn’t care how many hours I end up on the couch, since I’ll probably forget what the cushions even feel like come February.

That one thought strikes me…the one how my entire life will never be the same…all the time. More so than Tim, I think. It’s like I’m living in my own little internal world, knowing that everything that is going on on the inside is about to be on the outside and OMG. LIFE. WILL. BE. CHANGING.

This realization is kind of hard to adjust to…mostly because it’s brand spankin’ new and I don’t know how to compare my life as it is now to a life with a tiny person I will be responsible for, day in and day out. I mean, I’m excited about the new chapter but I’m also terrified?

Is that even normal?

The upcoming months are going to mean more to me than they ever have before, probably. I’m sure I’ll say that again next year, when we have our first everything with baby sprout. First Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday…

But this year it’s the last.

The last without children.

The last with just Tim and me.

The end of this chapter and of our relationship as it is today, because once little sprout comes into the world, Tim and my relationship will never be the way it is right now.

It will never be the same.

It will be forever changed and eternally shaped by a little person we haven’t even met, yet.

We’re going to be celebrating our seven year meet-a-versary this weekend. Come November 20, we’ll have been in each other’s lives for SEVEN. YEARS.

Since it is the last “big” anniversary we have together before baby sprout, you better believe we’re going to live it up!….pregnancy style.

Meet-a-versary or not, Tim is beyond excited about meeting the sprout. He’s ready. He goes crazy gaga over babies whenever and wherever we see them. He also recorded all of these stories, like the Poky Little Puppy, for me to play through the belly buds so the sprout can hear him during the day.

Now, let me just say, if you’ve never heard your significant other read a children’s story, complete with voices for each of the characters, you’re missing one of the most adorable scenes in the entire world – only to be replaced by him reading to your child in the flesh.

It makes me happy that he’s so thrilled. I’m glad I won’t be in this alone, that’s for damn sure.

I want to become a mom.

I can’t wait for Tim to be a dad.

I’ve just got to make it through the next few months and get my head wrapped around the whole idea of LIFE: CHANGED. FOREVER.

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7 Responses to “juju request”


  1. 1 Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength November 16, 2011 at 12:12 pm

    Awesome attitude and I felt exactly the same way. (AND YOU SHOULD.) Life changes so so much. It’s so much better, but so much busier and crazier when you’re completely responsible for another human being. I thought I understood the significance of that but there is no way to really know until you experience it.

  2. 2 Shannon November 16, 2011 at 12:25 pm

    Insert tearing up at work. I’m the type that does the same thing. last. LAST. LAST! and it freaks me out when I do that. Not that you will even care by the time Sprout does get here and it is all the first’s with him. I think it just puts your life and marriage in a whole new persepctive.
    On another note-good juju towards you for your appt and don’t freak when they weigh you in….breathe…..

  3. 3 JessSutera November 16, 2011 at 3:23 pm

    LOVE that Tim is so thrilled to be a daddy, that is awesome. It’s going to be a huge life change for you guys but you’ll be ready for it, I can tell. You two are a great couple and I know you’ll make awesome parents!! I can’t wait to meet the little sprout 🙂

  4. 4 jobo November 16, 2011 at 3:43 pm

    aww! I echo what Shannon said…and I am so excited for you and Tim and your adventures as parents. Yes, adventures 🙂 I think I would be rolling through the very same emotions as you are right now, whenever that time comes for me 😉 Sending you good, happy, healthy vibes!

  5. 5 KB November 17, 2011 at 4:12 am

    So you ask, “Is this even normal?” and the answer is 100% yes…but the awesome thing is you won’t even care. You and my bro are already building this wonderful relationship with little man, but it’s nothing compared to what you’re going to feel the minute he’s set in your arms for the first time…and looks up at you with those big beautiful eyes and says “hey folks, nice to meet you. You’re gonna take good care of me, right?” The transformation that happens to most new parents is really without due comparison. Too hard to give accurate words to, but if you ask most of them, you’ll get the sweet “you’ll see dear” with the knowing nod.

    I remember being told as a young person that most women, no matter how tough the delivery, would say they’re ready to have another one once they hold that new bundle. I was always like wtf, who would say such a thing if you were one of the unluckies that had the horrific 18 hours of labor, 5 hours of active pushing and 45 min of stitching to fix your torn up vajay? (oops, going against my don’t scare the pregnant chick rule!) But wonder of all wonders, you do! It’s so weird and so totally illogical that it’s hard to wrap your head around it…sigh…my brain hurts when logic and emotions don’t line up!

    I’ve actually been trying to let that too logical side of my brain go a little bit. It isn’t all that compatible with mommyhood for me. So at times, I begrudgingly give in to getting teared up over some cute or sentimental baby story, commercial or what have you. I brush it off with an “it’s ok, you’re a mom now” excuse and have learned to just chill and roll with it.

    So even though I thought I knew myself pretty well by the ripe old age of 42 (ok, technically I was still 41 for less than a month when Colton came out), I have come to realize that he’s taught me so much more about myself than I ever could have fathomed! Sometimes, I have to make a conscious effort to just sit back and enjoy the ride.

    KB

  6. 6 KB November 17, 2011 at 4:17 am

    Oh, and I would like to add that the whole 18 hours of labor, 5 hours of active pushing and 45 min of stitching the vajay was just an EXAMPLE and most definitely *not * what happened to me.

    KB

  7. 7 thoughtsappear November 17, 2011 at 9:09 am

    Happy (early) Anniversary!


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