Apparently, the sprout is now “mature” enough to hear sounds – albeit muffled – outside the womb.
This means Tim and I have been practicing for the days when he’s out and about, able to easily hear everything and rattle off what mommy and daddy say like a parrot.
I see why phrases like “fudge nipples” and “shut the front door!” and…ok. Maybe those are bad examples…but you get my point, right?
Tim has apparently decided to adopt British slag to substitute other, more recognizable, Americanized choice words.
And putting this non-curse-word-lifestyle into practice?
Way harder than we thought.
Half the time you don’t even realize it’s happening…
Tim: What the hell?! Dude pulled right into my lane!
Me: You can’t say “hell!” The sprout can HEAR YOU!!!
Tim: Oh, right…
Me: And we really shouldn’t road rage at people…probably something that would be listed in the bad example column…Dammit! Did you see that guy?! Pulled right in front of us!!
Me: Wha….oh crap! Shoot!…whatever!
I’m also supposed to have an aura of cool, calm and collected, since my stress can impact the sprout.
No one wants an uptight baby.
I’ve started calling this my “shiny happy people” attitude………that I’m having a difficult time channeling………….
Me: Maddie!! Lexi!!! No!! Out of the kitchen! Stop snoofing!!
(“snoofing” = scouring the floor with their noses and tongues for the tiniest crumb we may dropped making dinner)
Tim: Girls!! Out!!! Ouuuut!!!
Me: What is wrong with them?!?!! You know, once the sprout is here they’re going to be THAT MUCH WORSE….oh, damn….that wasn’t very shiny happy people of me, was it?
Tim: Definitely not….and sweetheart?
Tim: You can’t say “damn.”