kid in a candy store

I feel like it’s my duty to warn you (women) about one of the things that will happen to your husband when Child One is conceived.

We all know men like to tinker with things – any THING – and will not stop until they’ve satisfied their curiosity over how it works or how it was constructed or why it is broken. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been all, “Seriously! How long are you going to mess with that before you’re done?!”

The response never changes: UNTIL I FIND THE ANSWER

And OMG that can take forever…days, even…and by that point, I’ve moved on and totally forgotten about it and then Tim will come to me out of nowhere all, “I KNOW WHY IT’S BROKEN!”

Fabulous, honey.

What’s broken, again?

Also? I’ll never understand how, when you get a group of men together, one thing will lead to another and soon they’ve made a game that entertains them for hours out of a piece of string, a tennis ball and a paper clip.

It’s like men are built to play with things (and WOW didn’t that just come out in a way I didn’t exactly mean…) and so that’s what they do. When they get “too old” to play with kids toys, they move onto the adult versions….which are always way more expensive and a million times more dangerous.

Except…enter Child One.

A baby will make things entirely more interesting in the man + toy dichotomy.

Once you’re knocked up, it may take your husband a month or two to figure it out, but eventually, they’ll make the connection:

Pregnant Wife = Baby

Baby = Stuff

Stuff = Super Fun Toys

And I love playing with Super Fun Toys!

But...wait a second…if Baby = Stuff and Stuff = Super Fun Toys…then…Baby = ..!!!!

(this is the part where the connection is made and his head explodes with confetti)

Tim finally put two and two together one random Saturday afternoon. I don’t even know how it happened, really, but all of a sudden were in a toy store called Grandrabbits – which is kind of like a KB Toys, if you remember those.

(I know. Best name ever.)

We spent over an hour in Grandrabbits. I think Tim played with or touched every single toy they had sitting out (for the kids). Β Every few minutes he was all, “Sweetheart! LOOKIE AT THIS!” or “Ohhh! ONE OF THESE!” or “YAY! SCIENCE PROJECTS! or “I’m totally teaching the sprout engineering!”

And I was all, “What if he doesn’t LIKE engineering?”

Tim: Boys always like that stuff. That’s how we’re built.Β Duh.

Me: Well, excuuuuuuse me. I’ll be sure to remind the sprout about this conversation when he wants to be a butterfly for Halloween.

Tim: That’s science.

End Scene.

FOOTNOTE:Β Ok, ok. I’ll admit I wasn’t totally hands off. I did get super excited at the wooden train set with the magnetic cars that attach to one another…but only because we had one when I was a kid and I LOVED IT.


21 Responses to “kid in a candy store”

  1. 1 Zannah October 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    I never had one of those magnetic train sets, but I always wanted one. I play with them every time I see one in a toy store.

  2. 3 Cindy October 21, 2011 at 12:43 pm

    Yup, you’re absolutely right about all this. The flip side in my house is all the books I get so excited to introduce my daughter to. πŸ™‚ But you can tell Tim that I’ve seen the best reactions from kids (and hours and hours of entertainment spent, by both the kids and the dads) to a bunch of PVC pipe and water. πŸ™‚ Enjoy!

  3. 5 Maureen October 21, 2011 at 1:05 pm

    Yes. Grown-up boy toys are soo much more expensive. Just ask my bank account. ha. Although I’m not sure Matt would play with toys that are meant for many children to touch. If he did, there would be a 20 minute handwashing afterward.

  4. 7 jobo October 21, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Ha! That is a riot. wooden train set? that IS exciting! I want one! πŸ˜‰

  5. 9 Amy October 21, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    There is a lot of excitement about passing on a love for model trains in our house. Lots.

  6. 11 lifestartsnow October 21, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    i love wooden trains! and kids toys. really, those stores are for grown ups just as much as they are for kids πŸ˜‰

    my niece still plays excessively with a plastic tractor that you can take apart and reassemble with the matching screwdriver. she got this tractor 3 years ago and STILL plays with it (and i STILL didn’t figure out how to put it back together once it’s all taken apart). πŸ˜‰

    • 12 lifestartsnow October 21, 2011 at 3:04 pm

      oh, she just turned six. and as much as she is girly, that tractor has got her in its spell.

      • 13 Jessica October 22, 2011 at 8:32 am

        Your niece needs to give you lessons in reassembly, obviously πŸ˜‰

        Maybe she’ll end up doing something non-traditional…like become an engineer…you never know where that tractor will take her.

  7. 14 JessSutera October 21, 2011 at 4:34 pm

    Hahahah the butterfly comment at the end is my favorite part. You kill me.

  8. 16 bevchen October 21, 2011 at 5:14 pm

    My brother has one of those little wooden train sets! They’re great πŸ™‚

  9. 18 Jenera October 21, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    My hubby always loves buying ‘the kids’ some toys. Never mind that he has to figure it out first before giving it to them. Or never mind that some of the toys are above their age range but that just means he ‘gets’ to play with them. I swear, boys.

    • 19 Jessica October 22, 2011 at 8:32 am

      That sounds lie Tim. He’d be totally into figuring it out so he could “teach” (read: play) with the kids!

    • 20 Cindy October 22, 2011 at 9:49 am

      I give my daughter a budget for birthday/ Christmas presents for daddy from her and then we shop. She usually ends up with a game or a Lego set (and now that they’re available, a Lego game) to give him that they then play together. At first I thought it a little self-serving for her, but now I view it as something that provides hours of “together time” for them (and often, all of us). And that is priceless!

  10. 21 Tasha October 25, 2011 at 4:08 pm

    Ha! Love this article. I think my husband is just starting to see the baby=toy connection. For my DAUGHTERS 1st birthday, he bought her a lifted toy truck, with a trailer, and a bronco attached. Of course it has an age limit of like 3, which seems really silly to me, but whatever. She wasn’t that interested at first, but since Daddy’s always playing with it, it has now (a year later) become her favorite toy. Since we’re coming up on her 2nd birthday, he informed me that the trucks are just gonna keep on getting bigger. My little girl doesn’t have a chance, she’ll be a tom-boy for sure!

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