bff? what’s that?

I used to have lots of people I considered “best” friends. ย Actually, going through elementary and middle school, it seemed like I have a new BFF every year…the friend from the previous year falling off the map or moving or something.

They went somewhere.

Or I went somewhere.

Or we both…went…somewhere.

My fourth grade best friend, Autumn, moved to Texas.

Fifth grade, Rachael, went to another school when we all moved over to middle school.

Seventh grade, Ashley. She moved…though we’re Face place friends now…it’s not the same.

Except, all of these “best” friends weren’t the same as the “best” friends I knew from the church I grew up in. The church friends were always my BFF’s, through all of my school friends moving away or losing touch. Though I eventually went to high school with a few of my church friends, it was still different. Those friendships…were different. They were constant. I saw my church friends every Sunday. There were always trips over the summer – retreats or missions or summertime events every week.

But then?

We all grew up.

Some of us got married.

Some of us started having kids.

Some of us moved away (me).

Now? I can honestly say I do not have a BFF.

Why is it so much easier to make friends as a kid versus an adult? It’s almost worse than dating. Granted, part of this is my fault because I’m super guarded. It’s hard for me to open up and let someone in to the point I am vulnerable. I think that has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older, too, for whatever reason.

Except now…now it is vital that I find friends, preferably ones with children, because I want the sprout to grow up surrounded by lots of people and friends and fun memories. This means I’m going to have to put myself out there…be vulnerable…open up.

And that is WAY HARDER (sue me, grammar police) to do now.

Then…the bloggy world of friends…so fickle and constantly changing. I also feel like most of the people who (used to?) read my blog have no idea what I’m talking about anymore with the baby and pregnancy and the title “mommy” looming in the near future.

(loud, audible sigh)

I guess step one is to bake cookies for the neighbors…and to get along with Tim’s friend from WAY back (who happens to live near us) this weekend when we have dinner.

I’m supposed to make a salad to bring for dinner.

Obviously, this friend has no idea the history between cooking and me.


29 Responses to “bff? what’s that?”

  1. 1 Jess October 6, 2011 at 11:17 am

    Sister you’ll be so surprised by how dependent you’ll become on this bloggy world of mommas. It’s what helped me survive year one. Fo realsies. That and this is where the gnomes live so that’s what’s best for the spawn. Imaginary gnomes.

  2. 3 huega October 6, 2011 at 11:32 am

    don’t worry about it, that’s the beauty of making a salad, you don’t even have to use the oven, you can just use the microwave

  3. 4 jobo October 6, 2011 at 12:11 pm

    aww! Can I audition to be your long distance BFF?? ๐Ÿ™‚ I completely hear you on this though, making friends as adults IS hard. But I agree with what Jess said, you will make tons of new IRL and blog friends that are moms and that will be another new outlet for you and way of connecting. As for us non-moms? We (or at least I!) will always be here for you and it’s not like anything has changed…besides your impending motherhood, you are still the same awesome Booshy as before…but even better ๐Ÿ™‚ Good luck on that salad, those are tough ;-P XO

    • 5 Jessica October 6, 2011 at 2:52 pm

      YES! I would totally love that! Long distance BFF is better than no distance BFF, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

      And thank you…for being here! I really, truly appreciate it. For serious. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. 6 Brandy October 6, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Jess, I understand the making friends thing. I have no idea where any of my friends from school even are. I do have 1 really great friend now, but I don’t know if I would call her my bff, because she has another bff.

    Try finding a new church, maybe you can find a new bff there.

    Anyway, pasta salads are always easy. ๐Ÿ™‚

  5. 8 Maureen October 6, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Sometimes, I want to return to academia, just so it’s easier to make friends again. School is breeding ground for friends. Usually…

    I recommend salad in a bag. Just take it out and put it in a nice bowl. Works for me!

  6. 10 Wildology October 6, 2011 at 2:05 pm

    This is so funny…I have this conversation (in my head) all the time. I have an innate desire for a few close girlfriends. I moved away from them all last year and it has been tragic. However, I totally pimped myself out as a friend. I feel ok doing this because you have to try a bunch on before you find a few that fit. I love bloggy friends but they can’t replace IRL connections over wine, cheese, and complaining! I suggest work parties (yours or his), workout classes, and finding bloggers you like in your area. Then you must be fearless!! I unabashedly told my hubby’s co-worker’s wife, “Will you PLEASE be my friend!?!?! We just moved here and I am going crazy!” It worked:)

  7. 14 Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength October 6, 2011 at 2:16 pm

    OMG…I love you. I have been working on a similar post called “where do I git in?”…I think a lot of new moms feel exactly the same way.

    Too bad we don’t live closer…I’d be your friend and our kids could grow up together. ๐Ÿ™‚

    I want to make new mommy friends so badly…but you’re right it is hard. Especially right now…I’m working full time, trying to take care of my son and trying to keep our home liveable (clean is a bit of a memory right now).

    We are looking for a new church close by and may have found one so we’re hoping maybe we’ll make some family friends there? ๐Ÿ™‚

    • 15 Jessica October 6, 2011 at 2:55 pm

      I wish we lived closer, too! But you’re like…almost as far away as you could possibly get! MOVE! ๐Ÿ™‚

      We’re hoping a church works, too, but finding the church is the new issue…finding the “right” church…which means a lot of not so right ones…

  8. 16 Daniela October 6, 2011 at 2:28 pm

    I totally get you!
    My theory is that as a kid, you “have to” see your classmates every day for hours and you experience the same stuff- shitty teacher, boys you like, all that sutff. Church group is the same, only you don’t have to go ๐Ÿ˜‰
    But work is different from school.
    Well, anyway, it gets harder… is supposed to be good ๐Ÿ™‚

    • 17 Jessica October 6, 2011 at 2:56 pm

      I’ve never heard of…may have to look into that.

      And I think you’re pretty much spot on with the reason it is so much easier to make friends as a kid.

  9. 18 Jennie Jackson October 6, 2011 at 5:57 pm

    It is harder to make friends as a grown up! But put yourself out there and invite more people over for dinner. You’ll soon find your tribe.

  10. 20 Papa Guy October 6, 2011 at 11:01 pm

    sweetie, Bag Salad sucks……
    It tastes like the bag, and maybe the hands that packaged it…..
    Isn’t Tim your BFF?

  11. 22 Shannon October 7, 2011 at 6:45 am

    Why is it so damn hard as adults? We suddenly feel all self conscious and weird where as Bear is handing out the other half of the BFF necklace to the new kid on the corner with no problem. I’m thinking we would be fine as BFF’s but we will have to do an 8 hour communte. Just past a few corn fields….

  12. 24 Joann October 7, 2011 at 7:37 am

    I totally related to this. My best friend is my husband. I don’t have best girl friends at all. I don’t mind so much any more. I don’t have a lot of time to foster close relationships. Keeping up with my family is enough!

    • 25 Jessica October 7, 2011 at 8:01 am

      I imagine once we start having a family…it will become kind of like that. Plus, the kids will have friends and then we’ll probably be friends with their parents…only time will tell, though…

  13. 26 Breeza October 8, 2011 at 10:50 pm

    Totally hard to make friends as you get older. I am so there. And I don’t even have kids!

  14. 29 nysoonergirl October 11, 2011 at 3:47 pm

    I need to make friends too and I don’t have a motivating factor like a baby on the way.

    And I never stopped reading. So there! ๐Ÿ™‚

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