i give up. baby registry wins.

Someone just shoot me now and put me out of my misery.

I never, ever thought I would struggle with something that should simple and fun, probably, like…oh…I don’t know…A BABY REGISTRY.

At this point, the sprout will be lucky to have clothes on his back for the ride home. And that ride home is in the dead of winter, so that’d be a cold ass car seat surprise on a newly birthed bare bum.

I mean, really, y’all, do you have any idea how many different choices there are just for onesies?


A word I never thought would become part of my common vernacular.

But here we are.

Speaking onesies and burp clothes and bottle sizes and flow speeds…seriously? The hell? FLOW SPEEDS?

I don’t even know where to go with that.

Someone probably should have put the registry together for me. Everyone would have been better off that way – namely the sprout.

At some point in my registry stupor, probably when my eyes were crossing with trucks, baseballs and boats, I completely gave up on registering for clothes and blankets.

I’m just going to live on a wing and a prayer that more than one person will find themselves out baby sprout shopping, see an outfit on a rack somewhere and be all, “OMG! SO CUUUUTE!” and buy it.

If not?

The sprout is totally screwed in the clothing department for his entire first year of life.

Because, of course, along with me neglecting the clothing category due to sheer sensory overload, I’m pretty sure positive that I’ve failed miserably in selecting the right things to prepare the sprout for life outside the womb.

You think I’m joking?

I got so overwhelmed with the copious (Twenty-five cent word for me! Score!) amounts of lists on google with “must haves” and “vital things for baby” that I spent a week making a hugbogus spreadsheet with columns and rows and color coded boxes of DO WE HAVE THIS and WHERE IS IT and WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

As for that last one, you can see for yourself what the hell I was doing.

I put the sprout’s registries on the sidebar of my blog…mostly for the family…but also for anyone else who wants to take a peek out of sheer curiosity OR to let me know what kind of super important gadget I’ve left off OR what ridiculous amounts of, “never gonna use that” I thought would be important.

Oh, I hear you snickering. Go ahead. Mock me now, you non-pregnant people.

Just. You. Wait.

One day? One day you’ll be in the same baby registry boat that I’m currently sinking, having to decide on nose suckers and sippy cups and an inordinate number of spiffy diaper rash ointments that don’t even really seem necessary.

You, too, will be having nightmares of bunting (I still don’t know what that means) and extra super water proof crib sheets and nipple creams from Zimbabwe.

And then, while you’re pulling out your hair and speaking in tongues, you’ll think back to this…then you’ll remember how (not) funny my predicament really was…because you’re not just registering for the first few months of the baby’s life. Oh, no. That’d be entirely too easy. No…you’re in for TWELVE MONTHS OF PRE-PLANNING.


18 Responses to “i give up. baby registry wins.”

  1. 1 Shannon October 1, 2011 at 9:00 am

    The choice are endless. As far as the clothes go, don’t worry about buying any. You’ll end up with so many clothes that people will give you, his first year will be set and he won’t even get around to wearing them all. Onsies are important. Buy them all, he will go through a 14 a day.

  2. 3 psychodynamom October 1, 2011 at 9:05 am

    I took my BFF to help with the registry. She was so awesome – “Nah. You don’t need that (toilet lid lock). That’s for stupid kids so they don’t drown. Is your kid gonna be stupid? I think not. If she is the village idiot, don’t you think it might be nature’s way of weeding out the weaker humans? Hmmm?”

    The other moms and preggos at Babies R Us elicited a communal gasp of despair as we guffawed. Fun memory!

  3. 5 Natalie Gordon October 1, 2011 at 11:59 am

    I checked out your amazon registry and it looks great. I truly believe that registry checklists are crap and that they’re just trying to get you to buy more stuff.

    When I was registering it didn’t really hit me that after the baby *I can still buy stuff*. You can order from amazon. You can even leave the house and go to a baby store. You can send friends to get stuff. My baby was 3 weeks early and the day after friends went to BabysRUs with a list of stuff we still didn’t have. It’ll be okay!!

    • 6 Jessica October 2, 2011 at 12:08 pm

      I’m beginning to believe you, RE: checklists are crap.

      And…yes. I CAN still buy stuff post baby! I don’t know why I thought otherwise…because I totally did.

  4. 7 Maureen October 1, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Haha …. the first thing listed is nipple butter.

  5. 9 lifestartsnow October 1, 2011 at 2:48 pm

    can’t see the babies r us registry but checked the one on amazon. seriously, nipple butter??? what in the world???

  6. 11 Daniela October 1, 2011 at 2:59 pm

    So, honestly, babies are all kinda strange to me. I love kids, but they need to be 2 and older and I love it when they can tell me what the want and what they don’t want.
    Anyway, I was curious enough and looked at your Amazon list.
    Love it that you want lullabies books. I only know one lullaby. And honestly? When you babysit/au-pair and you gotta sing it for at least 15 minutes straight, just repeating and all? You get crazy!
    The How To Talk book is good, I read through it (I work with children and study Social Works, just to justify and make sure why I’m reading that stuff 😉 )
    For the other stuff, sorry, no idea 😉

    • 12 Jessica October 2, 2011 at 12:09 pm

      Babies are strange…that’s funny.

      Thanks for the props on the books! I have no idea about any of the other stuff, either, but I definitely know how to read. 😉

  7. 13 thebakerbee October 1, 2011 at 11:29 pm

    Oh, girl… I almost threw up when I went to register. And I didn’t really get morning sickness… I was just that overwhelmed. I don’t have time at the moment, but one of these days I will totally pick apart your registry. At first glance, though… the lotions and oils and soaps for baby aren’t necessary. My guy has super sensitive skin and we’ve used Aquaphor baby wash & shampoo from day one. No lotions, no other soaps. Our pediatrician said his skin doesn’t need all that stuff.

  8. 14 PJ October 3, 2011 at 10:54 am

    So I don’t have kids; but, I used to babysit a lot. Just a comment on the registry – you don’t need the diaper covers unless you are going to use cloth diapers. Which if you are, you might want to put those on the registry. After baby sitting cloth-diapered kids, “too many” cloth diapers is not possible. Also, if you are going that route – I commend you. I have no desire to put a dirty diaper in my laundry machine.

  9. 15 Louise October 3, 2011 at 1:04 pm

    Yikes!! That sounds awful for you… but hilarious to read about! I think people will def buy you clothes and blankets even if they’re not on your registry. I used MyRegistry.com for mine so I did everything online and totally forgot about registering for onesies haha! We got a TON at the shower anyway though. Like, even when they did get things off the registry, most people threw in a onesie too! I think it’s partly cause we’re having a girl (first granddaughter on both sides!) and people love the pink frilly stuff.

  10. 16 JessSutera October 3, 2011 at 7:48 pm

    Um. Pretty sure I’d have had a panic attack trying to figure all that baby sh*t out too. I say bargain with any and all mommy friends to do your registry for you!!!

  11. 17 JaimeLynne October 5, 2011 at 8:40 am

    Almost every gift will come with clothes or a blanket I promise. I agree the soap and lotion, are not necessary because someone will give you a bath set with everything you need to bath him.

    Nipple butter along with the nursing pads (only get disposable) are a nursing mothers best friends, but I just can’t imagine putting it on a registry.

    Also plan on setting aside a day after your shower to go shopping. You will need to return things, spend the gift cards your well meaning but clueless and childless friends give you, and buy those must have things you didn’t get. Be sure to tell us how many diaper bags you get and what the theme of your shower turned out to be. There is always one thing that you will get 15 of when you really only need one. Mine was the bouncy seat, I got six chairs and four swings! 🙂

  12. 18 JULIA October 5, 2011 at 10:38 am

    Please come to GA for a baby shower! I LOVE BUYING BABY THINGS! or i could get your address and ship the things i love to you… that’d be my way of adding character and personality to sprout from afar. since i wont be able to tell him jokes and squeeze his head and face from the L. sad.

    you could hire me as your personal baby shopper. i’d do that all day. im serious.

    🙂 I do hope you’re doing well lady, I’m so excited and happy for you!

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