who did *you* marry?

I’d just like to say up front that I’m really happy I didn’t end up with a crazy person.

Like the kind who try to slowly poison their spouse (WHY?)

OR hire a hit man to do the dirty deed (WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?)

OR someone who doesn’t put the toilet seat down (UNFORGIVABLE)

(I’m calling it now, when Tim reads this his first question to me will be, “How do you KNOW I’m not crrrraaaazzzy?”)

(By that, right there, dear. Crazy people don’t ask questions.)

I’m not even really sure how I hit the holy grail of husbands when it comes to cleanliness and neatness and overall perfection in the hygiene department.

The man is neater (and probably cleaner, sometimes) than me, people. It’s almost like I want to shake him and be all, “What planet did you come from?! What male on this good, green Earth makes their bed every morning and remembers to flush and gets a twitchy eye if things look out of order for too long?”

And by “out of order” I mean “clutter.” I don’t think this house has ever seen a day where it looks like a hurricane swept through, followed closely by a tornado and probably a stampede of buffalo.

I’m now laughing on the inside, because I know that’s exactly what is about to happen when the sprout is here and then begins walking. Our Tim’s whole neat and tidy world is about to be shattered.

I think he’s ready for total and complete destruction, though, thanks to yours truly. It’s almost like *I* have been Tim’s preparation for children because I’m not *as* good at keeping everything perfect looking. It’s sad to even had to admit to that, but I might as well be honest with myself: HE BEAT ME IN THE CLEANLINESS DEPARTMENT AND I DON’T CARE….anymore. I do my best…or as good as I feel like doing on a particular day. That is probably more of the truth. It’s not that I *can’t* do better…sometimes? I just don’t feel like it. Call me lazy or lazy or lazy but some days I’m just not in the mood to make the bed by tucking in all of the corners or sometimes – the horror! – I don’t make it at all.

I don’t want to make myself out to be some kind of slobby mess. I have standards, too, you know, and sometimes I get totally anal and clean something to the point where it borders on insanity. I’m guessing that is what the pregnancy “nesting” phase is like…so hopefully I’m still mobile enough to push a vacuum and scrub the floors…because part of that “nesting” seems to come out, even now, when I see something on a particular day, that, for whatever reason, absolutely grosses me out.

I can walk by the offending whatever for days without being the least bit perturbed but on that day – the anal one?

Something inhuman comes over me and IT MUST BE CLEANED.

It’s like an alien takes over my body and is all, “CLEAN THE FORSAKEN! CLEAN!”

Right…maybe that’s just me…anyway, back to Tim and his habits.

Tim – at least in this particular area of typical womanly complaints – is probably what every female wishes for when she thinks, “If my husband was the perfect husband…what would he do?”

He’d clean things…like, really clean them and I wouldn’t even have to ask.

He’d take care of something AS SOON AS IT BREAKS or AS SOON AS IT IS PURCHASED (Tim does this…drives me nuts sometimes…but I’m grateful for it at the same time…he knows this)

I’d never fall in the toilet and…even better…I’d never really have to clean them, either (how I lucked out on that, I have no idea but thank you, porcelain gods)

His clothes would always be picked up from the floor and into the hamper within 24 hours…oh, the joy of clothes in a hamper!


(My) life IS good when all of that happens – along with other non-typcal-male-cleaning-activities – without me even thinking about it or being a nag. And being a nag is probably on the top of the man’s list of, “If I had a perfect wife…”

I’m sure Tim is the opposite, though…thinking, “WHY CAN’T SHE BE MORE LIKE ME?!”

Um…remember that fight we had all those years ago about how to straighten the towel that hangs from the stove the *right way?*

I think it probably has something to do with that.


***If you’re a man (or you’re with a man like this) and you’re part of the Super Clean Team, then you totally shouldn’t be offended***

(You should be grateful to the aliens who trained you our men)


7 Responses to “who did *you* marry?”

  1. 1 Jeanette Lawrence Ghioto September 30, 2011 at 2:00 pm

    got the same one! the older you grow together the happier this will make you. But be careful how you share this with other wives – you will get the evil eye and the huffy shoulder and then the silent treatment…

  2. 2 jobo September 30, 2011 at 3:05 pm

    Can he teach M these things? 😉 M isn’t MESSY but is less type A than me, let’s say, and I’d love these things! Haha! In all seriousness, it could be a LOT worse (for me). I love this and how perfect you two are together. Sickening, really ;-P

  3. 3 mm September 30, 2011 at 3:18 pm

    I’d say both Howdy and I are more like you in the cleaning department. We’ll both kind of let clutter go for a day or two and then randomly one of us will decide it must be cleaned NOW and then we both start deep cleaning the house. BUT – when we do clean, he’s totally better at it than I am. And, he always cleans the bathrooms (except the floors – I do all the floors in the house). Not having to clean the toilets is amazing…’cause guys are gross. just sayin’. Also, he does 90% of the cooking in our house. I’m a good cook, but don’t really enjoy it. He actually finds it “relaxing”????

  4. 4 Amanda Perry @ Sistas of Strength September 30, 2011 at 5:55 pm

    Woah…where do these guys come from? My hubby is amazing and I wouldnt change him at all, but he certainly is not running around cleaning things without me asking. I will say having a child made him a lot more helpful around the house, but I also don’t have the time to keep everything perfect like I used to so there is a lot more to clean! 🙂

  5. 5 Oregon Sunshine September 30, 2011 at 8:20 pm

    Yep. My husband is like that. Bad Pants is OCD about things. Not that I’m a slob either, but I’ve got better things to do than make sure everything is freshly bleached and sparkling with sterility. (Besides, the smell of bleach makes me ill and I’m NOT pregnant).

  6. 6 Papa Guy September 30, 2011 at 11:43 pm

    All you people will change as you get to be our age. Kids are gone doing their own thing, and all that’s here is us and the two fur dropping lizard lickers. but I have to admit I love a clean house……

  7. 7 Patra @ I Do Declare October 6, 2011 at 4:58 pm

    hey! glad to find your blog, thanks for stopping over at mine. love your sense of humor! I am a total, total mess, and so is the hubs. I joke that we live like frat boys, only sadly, it’s not even a joke.

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