In case you’re new or if you missed any of the OMG! I’M PREGNANT! posts, here they are in all of their glory. The posts will pop up on my other blog – which is currently broken. I found that all of those early posts are stranded over there…but look at me! I’m bringing them over here! For you!
(If you’ve already read these, just…ignore me until after the hyperlinks end)
Anyhow. Moving forward, shall we?
Do you know something that’s really crappy about being pregnant for the first time?
YOU’RE NOT PART OF THE EXCLUSIVE CLUB.
(if you’ve never even been pregnant, you might want to follow along. Closely)
Apparently, there is this super secret club that second-time and beyond moms are part of and you don’t get to play in their sandbox until after you’ve gone through the experience that is pregnancy and childbirth and everything that comes with it. Finding out what REALLY happens when you give birth? Basically impossible. It’s like looking for Sasquatch. You’ll never find him….until you do.
It’s like you’re sworn to Sasquatch secrecy.
Tim is convinced that the reason you never really can get a straight answer from anyone is because whatever hormones are released at or right after childbirth wipe your memory like one of those drugs they inject you with if you somehow find out double secret information and lived in the movies.
Maybe that’s true.
Maybe it isn’t.
Personally, I’m bound and determined to document what happens to me because I know I’m not the only one out there who WANTS. ANSWERS. Not the wishy-washy, “Oh…it wasn’t so bad. It was beautiful! I loved being pregnant and giving birth? Meh. Piece of cake! I don’t even remember the half of it.”
Maybe that’s true.
Maybe it isn’t.
Either way? My Type A personality who has a *really* hard time relinquishing control wants to know what happens and when and how and what, exactly, does it feel like when the placenta comes out? Because that’s my new fear. The after birth.
You know, that could easily be a title to a super freaky movie (you have to say it in a deep, scary voice to make it work): The After Birth.
I think the worst part, honestly, if there was a worst part, is that I have zero control. Tim called me out on that the other day all, “You do realize the reason you’re having such a hard time is because you can’t control this.”
What’s your point, bucko? I don’t see you having to physically experience this whole belly growing larger than I thought possible, hips widening, birthing process with hands all up in my lady bits and the aftermath that is a flabby stomach and peeing myself with a malformed va-jay-jay that is going to happen whether I want it to or not.
His response? He has to deal with ME and would trade places in a second. Well played, dear. Well played.
And so I have to just……..let it happen. Go with the flow.
I’m so not that person.
Right now, if I had to make a determination, overall, pregnancy IS fairly easy. My non-bump isn’t really bothersome and the only huge side effect I’ve had is massive boobs – which if you think about it – is really a plus for this typically flat-chested chick. I mean, ok. To be totally honest, other things happen, too, sometimes. Like when I’m so tired from doing simple activities that I have to take a nap.
But naps are fun, right?
Yes…until you’re relegated to sleeping on your left side. Doctors orders. Something to do with blood flow to the baby and the big vena cava vein that runs down your spine. It supplies blood to the baby which = important for things like growing. The right side? Puts too much pressure on the vein. Your back? Nooo…growing Miss. Uterus will squish things and restricts the flow. So I’ll wake up on my back and have to flip over…or on my right side and have to relocate.
The left shoulder already has arthritis, I’m pretty certain.
I know I’m supposed to get some kind of giant pillow to help support all my pieces parts and I’ve been looking into what to get, since the industry for pregnancy items is ridiculous. Five hundred choices for everything.
The goods news on the pillow, however, is that a basic, plain, cheap (compared to the speciality ones) body pillow from Bed Bath & Beyond seems to do the trick for taller people. I’m 5’10…and I’d like to think that is considered tall.
Also? I’m peeing for two, now, which results in me getting up EVERY TWO HOURS.
EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.
What happened to a little relief (ha…punny) in the bladder department during the second trimester? I think I pee more now than I did during the first 13 weeks. Sheesh!
All of this is training for when the baby comes…or so I’m told. Either way, between the aching shoulder (and ear…who knew the cartilage on your ear would get sore?) and the constant peeing, I miss my sleep!
And I’ll be missing it for the next eighteen years.
I’m going into hibernation and nobody better disturb me.
of The After Birth.