First, I just realized I had to post this twice…this redirect thing is already messing with my head. ANYHOW. I realize the bulk of this post is ridiculously harsh…so this is your warning. Stop here if you want to stay bubbly and happy…(just sayin).
I feel like I should say something before the weekend comes and goes…Tim and I will be doing something EPIC on Saturday and Sunday…but I can’t really share about that until it happens – just in case it isn’t as EPIC as I think it’ll be.
Anyway, some of you *may* know that I was having baby shower DRAM-A yesterday. To the point of tears, people. And tears + stress = bad for baby. I also didn’t sleep well because I kept getting riled up over the whole issue. Since the DRAM-A circles around one of the topics I tend to steer away from (internal family things), I’ll leave it at this: The DRAM-A is over now, thank goodness, but I’m still a little wounded. I’ll get over it…but it’s still fresh right now.
A different topic that I’m definitely not shy to talk about is my dad. I don’t even know if I count him as “family” anymore, as sad as that sounds. Oh, yesterday was just a day of wonderful news and experiences (read: sarcasm)
Anyway, my mom told me yesterday that my dad found out that I was pregnant. I didn’t tell him “the news” personally, for right or for wrong – judge me however you will. He and I do not have a relationship and truthfully, as each day passes, we have less and less of one. If you don’t know the background, he has screwed me over more times than I thought was possible by a parent. To name a few recent examples: I found out he defaulted on one of my school loans (in my name) and that lovely present is sitting on my credit report as a major ding (delinquent payments over 120+ days) AND he wiped out one of my savings accounts that his name was on. The account had been set up when I was a minor, so he was the custodian…and decided he wanted the money, so he took it. Well, all but FIVE DOLLARS of the money and never mentioned a single thing to me about it. Kind of like, ”Oh, she’ll never notice…”
I’ve been struggling internally and in speaking with Tim on what I want to do about him and the baby. Either way, he found out through the grapevine that I was pregnant…yet I haven’t heard a peep from him. No email, nothing.
Honestly, I could care less…but it just goes to show what kind of character he really is. Or. more accurately, lack of character.
Where I struggle is with this question: Do I want him – this kind of person – around MY CHILD? I certainly do not want him influencing this child AT ALL. I don’t want him to impart a single shred of his personality, demeanor, ideals, (lack of) morals, thoughts, mannerisms on MY CHILD.
(I realize it is “our child” but I’m trying to make a point, dear)
So, does he even get the privilege of knowing this baby?
Tim’s devils advocate stance is more for the kid – they have a right to know who their grandparents are. Which, I agree…but when they’re too young to really understand the dynamics and the danger of my dad trying to influence them?
Regardless, under no circumstance will he ever be allowed alone with this baby. Never, ever, ever.
And, really, what is worse? I posed this to Tim. My dad has this wonderful personality flaw where, when things get exciting or when he’ll look like the “hero, awesome dad,” he’ll come around and be all supportive and helpful and super star parent.
Then…when things get tough or he gets bored or (most importantly) when people stop ogling over all the wonderful things he’s doing, he drops off the planet like he never existed.
So, we let him start a relationship with this kid and then, out of nowhere, he disappears? How in the hell (sorry…h-e-double-hockey sticks) will the kid take that? How do you explain that to a young child? “Oh, sorry, dear, your grandfather isn’t really interested anymore and probably never really cared about you in the first place…we’ll be lucky if he sends a card every other year for your birthday.”
So, again, which is worse? Letting the child KNOW his grandfather…and then watch their heart break when he disappears or tell the child that, basically, he only has one grandfather (Tim’s dad)? I mean, sure, when the child is old enough to understand, we can explain everything and let them make a decision to make contact with my dad. Then, again, Tim and I will have to support and comfort our child when they get burned by him (because it’ll happen, make no doubt). And having to do that…to watch my child get hurt like that…will still be really hard to swallow, but at least they’ll go into it knowing what to expect instead of getting blindsided.
I’m still undecided, even though as each day passes, I’m more and more convinced that I don’t want my dad involved at all. Ever. I’ve finally made a clean break from him and I have no intention of fixing it. I’ve done it one too many times before and the SAME THING HAPPENS EVERY SINLGE TIME.
He’s not interested in being a parent. He’s interested in what’s good for him and him only.
I’m done trying to come back to him and have a relationship. He only wants a relationship that benefits him and when it doesn’t, he’s gone. I’ve touched that stove one too many times. He’s out of chances. I’m happier without him in my life and I would imagine my child would be, too.
I want no part in his shenanigans. He can take his “I love God and I’m a fabulous Christian (but I steal money from my children)” high and mighty attitude and shove it so far up a cow’s asshole that it comes out of its mouth as cottage cheese.