when shit hits the fan…

…you get the hell out of the way.

Unless, of course, the fan is in an empty round room. And then you’re fucked.

That’s kind of where I’ve been lately.

Getting pummeled with shit.

From the fan.

But yesterday…it’s like someone finally threw me an umbrella (I say “UM-brella” and Tim thinks this pronunciation is totally ass backwards. He will tell me that I put the em-PHA-sis on the wrong syl-LA-bla)

And I know I spelled syllable wrong…I spelled it the way Tim says it when he’s trying to make his point that I say umbrella phonetically retarded…so I was trying to help you…so you would read what he says correctly in your brain.

So it would be funny.

But now it’s not funny because I’m sitting here explaining why it’s supposed to be funny…damn.

Anyway, I am utterly blown away at the response from my not-really-for-serious…more like severely-struggling-with-all-the-shit-that-keeps-piling-up threat to quit booshy.

booshy is my outlet…

Sort of.

I mean, I’ve been totally honest with you.  You know my name.  You kind of know where I live.  You know that I’m an anal-obsessive-perfectionist looking for something so few find.

But there are a few things that I do keep close to the chest (shocker, I know). And just FYI: none of those things have anything to do with my little *secret* that is almost a secret no more.

And the secret is not even THAT big of a deal…it’s just a little surprise that’s taken a lot of work…and will hopefully be worth all the effort.

Anyway – those *things* I don’t talk about on booshy are the tidbits that make for really boring or really frustrating reading.  They aren’t funny, at all.  They’re serious.  It’s the real life drama that is best kept between only those involved.

And we all have it.  If you don’t, you are either living in a box out in the middle of nowhere (which probably means you don’t have access to the internet…and aren’t reading this anyway) or you’re a robot.

Let me answer the questions I know you’re thinking:

Is anyone in the hospital/sick/hurt/discovered they are really an elf: No.

Pregnant/adopting/magically fertilized by a unicorn: No.

Moving/job woes/unwanted surprises surfacing from the toilet, like an alligator: No. Well, Tim’s job can really be a pain in the ass…and Albert actually snapped at Lexi the other day for getting too close to his lair, but that’s nothing new.

Stress/anxiety/severe constipation: I think this happens to everyone.  And I have the answer –  swallow about 5 candy-coated exlax pills and then immediately go for a walk while pretending you’re being chased by winged clown heads. Then about halfway through, start praying to the porcelain gods that you don’t explode all over the sidewalk before reaching their sanctuary. Cause the clowns would totally jump all over that.

And by the time your bowels are empty, you’ll forget whatever it was that was bothering you…cause nothing is better for short and long-term memory loss than that kind of explosion.

We all have ups and downs.

I have been experiencing a down.

Not like, black-hole-no-way-out kind of thing…more like too much shit day after day after day…combined with growing pains.  I mean, I’ve come to terms with being a spoiled brat…but there are many, many, MANY things I’m still learning…and every time I do something incorrectly that *most* of you are probably already pros at, I get knocked down all, “Wrong, bitch! Try again.”

And that’s been happening a lot lately.  I mean, the build-up of mud has been awesome for my complexion but I’m pretty much getting tired of having to strip down and change clothes every five minutes.

But all of your comments…they helped me see that there is a light somewhere in the distance…that this is not done in vain…that booshy has become…well, booshy.

And you’re helping me learn, even though it doesn’t seem to matter how many warnings I get.  Apparently, I actually have to fuck it all up myself a requisite 17 times before I finally get it right.

But at least you tried to warn me and you give your two cents while watching the shit storm unfold that is my life.

Those two things mean more to me than I could ever express.

(Actually, I think that was three…dammit)

Thank you.

You make me smile.

(did I say “fuck” the appropriate amount of times? Yah, still struggling with balancing the fuck-scale)


24 Responses to “when shit hits the fan…”

  1. 1 liz November 19, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Yeh …life can suck big time…and that’s why blogging is really really useful for me.I get to write about the highs and lows and how I deal[or not]with them.

    Hope some sunshine streams thru the shit for you Jessica.

    Right now in our small part of rural Ireland …I’m building the Ark. It’s been raining non stop and our roads are flooded and villages are cut off.

    Lucky I can swim.

    Take good care


  2. 2 mommasunshine November 19, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    Fuck the fuck scale.

    Sometimes life just fucking sucks for a little while.

    But the good news is that it won’t always.

    Hang in there.

  3. 3 justrun November 19, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    One of the “fun” thing about writing a personal blog (notice the ” and “) can be that you never looked at your life so closely day to day before, and then you end up working through it on the blog. The fact that those imperfections show up rather than just hearts! and stars! and rainbows! probably means that you’re doing it right, at least right for you. Which is all that ever really counts (in your own mind, however you see it) anyway.
    So keep going, give yourself some grace, you’re doing it right. (I promise this is not advice. The End.)

  4. 4 NySoonerGirl November 19, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    Upon reading that you say UM-brella like a (no offense, but everyone knows that whatever you say will obviously offend if you say no offense, but they’re obviously gonna say it anyway ad I am too) redneck (but I’m a Carhart-wearing Redneck with the best of ’em, I just pronounce umBRELLa correctly, as your hubby does because we both grew up in them there right parts of Rachacha), ok I just totally lost my train of thought…. Oh yes, perhaps it is a Rochester thing, because my thought process immediately went to “you put the wrong emPHAsis on the wrong syLLABle” as well!

  5. 5 esdowd November 19, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    “If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants.” – Isaac Newton

    For some reason, that quote seems applicable to your post. I think it has to do with where you wrote, “And you’re helping me learn, even though it doesn’t seem to matter how many warnings I get. Apparently, I actually have to fuck it all up myself a requisite 17 times before I finally get it right.”

  6. 6 Lori November 19, 2009 at 1:59 pm

    Hang in there. Trying to avoid the shit is like trying not to breath. It just happens, as they say. But it goes away and wonderful breezes pass through again eventually.

  7. 7 Breeza November 19, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    I”m sorry things are tough right now. Life sucks balls sometimes.

  8. 8 bevchen November 19, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    I just wanted to say I absolutely adore your blog and I would definitely have left you a message telling you not to quit yesterday but I haven’t even been able to write on my own blog all week cos I’ve spent all the hours I wasn’t at work in bed trying to recover from a monster cold. In fact, I SILL haven’t posted anything on my own blog and you’ve already got a comment from me (or at least you will have once I press submit) so you clearly must be special. Oh, and I know you’re still waiting for my thankfulness but I have an excuse (like the whole illness thing that I JUST told you about). I promise I will get on it this weekend though… provided I actually manage to get out of bed…

  9. 9 Kid Icarus November 19, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    I’m just glad you’re human. We need more of those online these days.

  10. 10 sunnydelyte21 November 19, 2009 at 2:53 pm

    Shit always happens, it how we learn to deal with things and keep it from happening again. Life will get better though.

  11. 11 writerdood November 19, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    Wash the umbrella before you put it away.

  12. 12 maureenlynn November 19, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    oh crap the thankfulness thing. i forgot i still had to do that. thanks for reminding, above commenter person!

  13. 13 Jess November 19, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    Good thing you’re human like the rest of us. Well, at least me. If you could consider me human. At least I didn’t lump us into the “normal” category. Fuck yeah for being weirdos!

    P.S. Are we sure that there wasn’t some cosmic separation at birth that led us away from each other and our respective mother to land in the hands of parents who, coincidentally might I add, happened to name us both a variation of Jessicanapoulus, and then we reunite after all of these years in cyberworld? Cyberworld, that sounds like a kick ass game on XBox live you could play with random 12 year old boys around the world into the wee hours of the morning…Where was I? Twin aliens. Right. It is TOTALLY possible.

  14. 14 Val November 19, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    Well, I am so fucking relieved you are not quitting after you finding me so I could find you. You are HILARIOUS and you can emphasize any syllable you like on that. 🙂

  15. 15 rulesofbreakup November 19, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    I didn’t get a chance to respond to the last post but I’m STOKED you’re feeling better. And not quitting Booshy. Because I bloody love reading it.

  16. 16 dirtclustit November 19, 2009 at 8:58 pm

    I know what you mean booshy. I think it’s cause it’s so hard to represent different tones (do re mi fa so la ti do) ascending or descending with typed words

    fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck

    see I was singing the scaled notes, but they all sound the same to the reader

    I guess in a blog the best you can hope for in regards to a fuck scale is

    fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
    **each fuck read in a progressively higher tone***

    Anyone else got any ideas for a more real fuck scale?

    🙂 booshy thank you, your post did help me smile today 🙂

  17. 17 Shelli November 20, 2009 at 3:11 am

    We’ve all weathered the shit storm. It’s all in how you handle it, and you handle it by being fucking funny! At least to us. 🙂 I just depress people, which is why, when it starts raining turds, I go quiet. But I’m trying to work it all out in my blogs. I just have to find a way to make it funny NOW (as opposed to later when I look back on it). Keep on keepin’ on! 🙂

  18. 18 lydee November 20, 2009 at 7:16 am

    crack me up! just don’t aim the pointy end of the UMbrella at anyone.

    thanks for stopping by my blog.

  19. 19 shoalswriter November 20, 2009 at 9:19 am

    One of the things I like best about the blogosphere is finding out that everybody sort of suffers from the same anxieties and fears — we really are all in this together. Thanks for saying that outloud.

  20. 20 Mindy@thesuburbanlife November 20, 2009 at 10:43 am

    Sorry, Booshy! Definitely been in the mindset you’re at. Sometimes we just get shit on and sometimes we do the shitting. It’s the circle of life. Well, actually, if it were the circle of life we would be eating someone or being eaten by someone. I think the “shit” is a lot easier. Just be glad you’re not a salamander. I’m pretty sure they’re at the bottom of the food chain. Feel better now? =)

  21. 21 Spot November 20, 2009 at 10:59 am

    “Some days you’re the windshield. Some days you’re the bug.”- Mary Chapin Carpenter.

    That is one of my all time favorite song quotes (and it’s a country song so you should give me double points!). It seems completely apropos here. And it’s what I remind myself when I’m having a tough time. Also some other really deep meaningful crap that works for me but I won’t waste comment space on it because it might not be your philosiphy.

    Smile Booshy. And then brush your teeth. Because shit is really bad for your breath. ;]


  22. 22 peedee November 20, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    Whats your address? I’m sending you my favorite.T-shirt.Ever.

    Fuck you, you fucking fuck.

    But dont wear it around your mom or dad or anything like that or they may or may not slap you like your 8 years old again.

  23. 23 mepsipax November 20, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Shit makes such a good sound hitting the fan. Brrrrvvvv whoosh

    Great article.

  24. 24 Violet November 20, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    Writing is the only way that I can express myself so I really don’t hold much back on my blog. But then again, I am not using my real name either. Everytime we feel that no one can possibly have it tougher than us, fuck, we are in for a surprise. I have all my shit going on and I know someone out there has it tougher than me, that doesn’t alleviate the stress but it keeps me going. My best to you!

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