dear me: you’re fucked.

I’m not entirely sure what I was thinking I have no idea what I was thinking. I wasn’t thinking.

Actually, I’m pretty sure I had a momentary three day lapse in sanity. And that’s way longer than the usual bouts where I forget to turn off the oven for a few hours or leave a cabinet door open or don’t replace the toilet paper and then plop myself down to do the dirty deed. And don’t think I don’t shout out the hallelujah chorus to the inventor of Kleenex and the good sense Tim had to strategically place a box of tissues in every bathroom when said roll has been reduced to a cardboard tube. Except when those are gone too. Then, well, shit.

The crux of my rambling is simply: The hell, me?

Marathon training.

50,000 words in 30 days.


Writing other articles freelance-style.


Did I forget to mention doing the despised domestic duties (DDD), too? Laundry. Cooking Burning dinner. Dealing with the insanity that is Lexi and Maddie. They’re pros at tag-team bullshit. Vacuuming the ungodly amounts of fur that explodes off of each fur-child every day (not that I vacuum everyday. Hell no. More like once a week. If I’m really feeling motivated)…

It’s only…November 4th.

Wait, I forgot to add the little Turkey Trot hard-ass trail race on 11/21.

Fuckitty fuck fuck.

Maybe I’ll just say that 50,000 times.

The teaser will be something like: “Having a bad day? Well, if you’re anything like Jessica and needed to say fuck 50,000 times in a row and then publish it, life must be pretty damn shitty. This book will solve all your problems. Just read until you feel like you’re going to go on a rampage that may or may not involve harming the imaginary creatures that are chittering at you. Then keep reading.”

So, you’re going to have to embrace my nonsense.

It’s only going to get better.

Cause actually, there’s even MORE going on right now…

It’s just that the MORE part is kind of top secret. For now.

I know.

I’m so mean.

You’ll forgive me, though, once you get to come into my little box that has been my life for far, far too long.

I really suck at keeping secrets…so I’m actually really proud of myself. You should be too, even if you’re mad.

Blame it on the stress insanity brain overload.

Anyway, don’t you have some thankfulness to be writing?


Welcome to my circle of hell.


24 Responses to “dear me: you’re fucked.”

  1. 1 Nona November 4, 2009 at 1:12 pm

    May I suggest NaBloPoMo instead? You post to your blog every day for 30 days, which is much more reasonable than churning out 50,000 words in 30 days. Although it is entirely possible that your blog could contain 50,000 words at the end of 30 days of posts.

    Just sayin’.

  2. 2 peedee November 4, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    I’m not proud, but I’ve been reduced to the cardboard roll once. =0

  3. 3 Erin November 4, 2009 at 2:20 pm

    I second NaBloPoMo!!

  4. 4 mark price November 4, 2009 at 2:32 pm

    Nanowrimo, nablopomo, What-the-fuck-O? Acronyms are really starting to piss a brother off. Just kiddin. Hey this is maybe my favorite post of yours for all time…or like the month or so that I have been coming here. I was literally L-ing O L. Have a good day!

  5. 5 LB @Wait, She Said What? November 4, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    Why did you have to say you have a secret if you’re not going to say what it is?!!? That’s just pure mean! My hubby does that to me all the damn time. He’ll tell me he has a surprise or has a gift planned out just because it will torture me. I’m going to tell you the same thing I tell him, “If you’re not going to share the information then keep the fact that there is a secret to yourself!”

    Fuckity fuck fuck! I love that by the way!

  6. 6 ToadMama November 4, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    I loved the fuckity fuck fuck, too. But think it needed another fuck. So it’s fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck…

    More going on. Hmmmm. Might that have something to do with a fertilized egg? Lordy. You think Lexi and Maddie make life chaotic? If that’s the secret, I really will wonder at your sanity. I’d be happy for you, but would still wonder.

  7. 7 Angelia November 4, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    LOL @ you, not with you. I mean LOL with you, not @ you. FFFF! There, I shortened it for you.


    I’m going to vacuum, your once a week made my house look like BIG FOOT just got electrocuted in the hall.

  8. 9 Stephanie November 4, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    At least at home you can run around trying to find something to wipe with. I had this unfortunate experience in a public bathroom, at work. Options: 1. Run outside of stall naked to find something and have someone walk in, probably someone I will see again. 2. Shake. Get dressed. Hurry to other stall. I went with number two if you were wondering. I’m just not that adventurous.

  9. 10 ToadMama November 4, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    Angelia, I am so glad you thought of FFFF! That is censored enough to put on my Blog and hopefully neither of the Moms (age 69 and 77) will know what it means. And who is this Stephanie telling us all about going number two? Ew. (-:

  10. 11 Jennifer Lynn November 4, 2009 at 4:29 pm

    You are FUNNY! I am glad I found you:) FTR: I will NEVER run 26.2 miles….but am behind you 100%;)

  11. 12 Amelia Witherspoon November 4, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    I know how you feel, and all I have to deal with is work, quasi-illness, 50,000 words, one guinea pig, and a blog no one really reads. 🙂 Good luck to you, mate.

  12. 13 morethananelectrician November 4, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Cool on the Marathon…best of luck. I had a friend that would always seem to have to go to the bathroom when we were in the middle of nowhere. He would just use his underwear and leave caution to the wind for the rest of the day. I didn’t like to stand too close to him on those days. For me, rubbing might be cool in NASCAR, but not with two guys…especially if one of them sans underwear.

  13. 14 LB @Wait, She Said What? November 4, 2009 at 5:57 pm

    ToadMama’s guess at your secret was totally my guess except I wasn’t going to say it here because I didn’t want to be the one to start horrible rumors about you and then you be bombarded with questions like, “well, are you or aren’t you?” So if that happens it’s her fault. I’m just an innocent bystander who just so happened to have the same guess.

    When do we get to hear this big secret anyway??!

  14. 15 Bethany November 4, 2009 at 6:25 pm

    You can totally do this!! 🙂 Stay motivated!

  15. 16 Laura November 4, 2009 at 8:15 pm

    I know. I am totally screwed too. I had to put a list in my sidebar just so I can remember all of the projects I need to finish. FFFF my life!

  16. 17 Shannon November 4, 2009 at 10:17 pm

    Fuuuuuck. Fuck. Just thought I needed to add a few more in there. Go on your rampage. Scream! We are behind you…in the marathon I’ll be way behind….on my couch. You can do it!

  17. 18 Spot November 4, 2009 at 11:37 pm

    Write there with you. Literally! Except for the dogs, I have 6 cats and teenagers instead. I have to vaccuum at least twice a week and cook full meals twice a day and do at the minimum 2 loads of laundry a day to keep up. I now have one very sick daughter to contend with as well. I’m two days behind on NaNoWriMo.

    I’m not there with you on the marathon. I don’t run unless I’m being chased. But I do have to walk on a treadmill for a stress test next week…can I count that?

    You can do this Jessica. We both can. And if one of us doesn’t, the other one should totally laugh and point. =]


  18. 19 Shelli November 5, 2009 at 1:20 am

    OMG, that is the funniest blog I’ve read in a long time! I needed that pick-me-up in the worst way! At least now I know that I’m not alone in my shitty life. Thanks! 😉

  19. 20 shoalswriter November 5, 2009 at 10:38 am

    Ah … “burning” dinner!!! I had no idea this was an option. Now you tell me. Think of all the time I’ve wasted actually cooking …

  20. 21 Ariel November 5, 2009 at 7:39 pm

    I’m pretty bent on hitting that 50k! Good luck, if anything, think of it as boot camp of the writing world.

  21. 22 Meredith November 5, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    “Tag team bullshit” has me ROLLING! So you HAVE met my girls?

  22. 23 centria November 7, 2009 at 2:09 pm

    Hey I totally am understanding your little circle of hell, Booshy. Got one going on this end, as well. It’s Day #7 now…at least I think it is…hope you’re still writing. I’ve only wanted to quit at least a dozen times, but…still…writing…on…

  1. 1 (that’s “asshole” in fabbit, i think) « booshy Trackback on November 5, 2009 at 1:15 pm

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