*updated* i think i just threw up. a little.

Update # 1: I forgot to mention that I actually enjoy pain. Hence my participation in yet another run-until-your-body-says-STOP-or-I-quit. And instead of listening, you keep going.

Update # 2: I mean pain in the normal, body-beating sense.

Update # 3: SELF body beating. No one is *technically* beating me. And yes, this is probably a completely normal activity…for crazy people.


I don’t know how much you actually WANT to know about our mediocre little life here in East bumblefuck…but I mean, hell.  November is proving to be milestone month.

Not only am I somehow supposed to be writing a book in 30 days…a major event happened in this household a few weeks ago. I’ve been keeping it a secret until I was sure it was actually going to come to fruition.

And after 3 days in a row of running plus a laminated training schedule posted on the refrigerator, it sure as shit is.

(Yes. I’m for serious. Laminated. Can we all guess who did that? I’ll give you a hint: not me.)

I, along with the man who said he’d never run a mile…would never run any distance unless it involved some sort of “ball” like basketball or soccer…ball…(it works…or something)…yes, this non-runner-in-denial and I will be running a marathon.


26.2 miles.

All together. Mile 1 and Mile 26.2 all happening in one, successive bout.


I’ve run a marathon before, but this is all I really remember from that experience:


Pain…and some dude saying at the pre-race packet pickup that his buddy wasn’t running because he had “the pneumonia.” (Swear it. His words. THE PNEUMONIA. It’s probably way scary…the pneumonia)

Oh, did I mention the pain? Lots and lots and LOTS of pain…pain during training (especially that one time I ran out of water on a 22 mile training run and then realized I locked myself out of the house. That was a shitty day)….pain during the race…and pain afterwards.

If you’ve never run a marathon before, I’ll save you the guesstimation on “how sore will I be the next day?”

I was so damn sore the morning after, it took me 15 minutes just to open my eyes. I think my brain was trying to keep me in a comatose state until the pain went away all, “It’s for your own good. You don’t want to do that…open that eye…Trust me.”

And the bastard was totally right. I should have just kept my ass in bed. Unmoving. Trying to sit to pee? I’d rather wear a diaper. Showering? Hell, I skipped that after almost falling off the toilet. EVERYTHING hurts.  Legs? Stupid question. Back? Lower, middle and upper. Arms? Yes. Neck? YES.

Wheelchair, please.

I made Tim a pre-training celebration meal on Friday…to remember the day before his life became running for months on end.

I even made 26.2 cookies.


The “point” is that half-melted red m&m that looks like it’s about to fall off. And I have to say…those m&m people…I’ve decided they must make some poor little old man count out green m&m’s for every single fun-size bag. There were exactly FOUR green m&m’s in every damn packet. And I opened like 10. If I were that little man, I’d totally revolt and start stuffing those fun-size bags with ALL GREEN m&m’s, no red or shitty brown or yellow. Just green. Giggling the entire time all, “Surprise!”

Anyway, I’m actually really, really proud of him. I mean, even after he ran a half marathon he declared he’d never do a full one. EVER. Hell would have to do more than freeze over. The moon would have to split in two, animals would wear little tutus and satin pants and you could lose weight by eating a diet of chocolate and pizza.

THEN he’d consider it.

The catalyst? The squirrel down the street started speaking French, which totally freaked Tim out all, “He just SAID manger mes noix, jerkface!”

And I’m all, “What did you do for him to call you a jerkface?”

Tim: Incase you missed it, he said EAT MY NUTS…I didn’t DO anything to that little shit.

Me: Wait, HE TALKS?…You know, I’ll bet it was probably just an invitation to dinner or something.

Tim: The hell? So why the jerkface? Is that supposed to be some kind of compliment in squirrel? 

Me: Probably. Or he just didn’t know how to say “sir” in French, so he improvised with jerkface….and how do you know it was a he?

Tim: Because HE was wearing silk pants.

So, obviously, the universe decided Tim is supposed to run a marathon.

It’s either that or he’s turning 40.

I’ll let you decide.


18 Responses to “*updated* i think i just threw up. a little.”

  1. 1 nysoonergirl November 2, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    First off, good luck! Second, you are a far better woman than me. And third, thanks for the add!

  2. 2 Barista November 2, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    I love those days when I realize some people are even crazier than I ever thought. Today’s your day.

  3. 3 Stephanie November 2, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    Ah… Running is not my friend nor will it ever be! I am however gonna be plugging along with you for NaNoWriMo! I added you as my buddy. 🙂

    I’m melme54

  4. 4 lifestartsnow November 2, 2009 at 4:02 pm

    marathon? hell no! running (if not for dear life) is not made for me
    good luck on your endeavor though! i hold marathon runners in very high respect


  5. 5 Kristel November 2, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    Good for you! (Both of you!) But I have to ask (because I’m a dork and it’s killing me not to know)… did you make 26 cookies (as in I had 13 cookies for breakfast and another 13 for lunch… hypothetically speaking, of course) or 2-6 cookies (as in half of them had 2’s on them and half had 6’s) or… are you da bomb (of course you are, regardless, but you know what I mean) and made 13 2’s and 13 6’s?

    And for the record, yes, I *am* cool. My mom says so!

    • 6 Jessica November 3, 2009 at 8:15 am

      Kristel: See, ONE of those cookies in the picture equals like, four regular sized cookies…so technically I made 12…though it only LOOKED like three….

      And yes, definitely way cool…. 😉

  6. 7 rulesofbreakup November 2, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    Wow. I want to be like you guys when I grow up. I’ve been trying no muster the cojones to do a half for three years… Next year. Definitely next year.

  7. 8 carissajaded November 2, 2009 at 5:00 pm

    Good luck, and wow! You have A LOT more goals than I do. I am just trying to work out 4 times a week… but still- good for you. I need some of that aspiration!

  8. 9 ittybittycrazy November 2, 2009 at 5:57 pm




    I admire you but… you are insane.

  9. 10 peedee November 2, 2009 at 7:08 pm

    Ok, I’m gonna be honest here. I Dont Get Running. Never have, never will. I *was* a hellacious athelete in my day and a decent one still, but I’ve always hated running with a passion. Hmm, lets review the positions I’ve played in the sports I’ve played…

    Softball – Catcher. Yup no running there. Hit home runs and you can coast the bases. 😉

    Basketball – Point Guard. Not so much running there.

    Field Hockey – Goalie. Nope, no runnin there either.

    Rugby – Scrumhalf. I’ve lost those brain cells to other bad things over the years and I cant remember if I ran in that sport or not. I can only remember two things: Pain & the Irish pub afterwards.

    Wallyball – Nope again.

    I’ve also envied those who could run forever. My kids one of them. Still dont get it tho.

    Good luck and let us know how he does. =)

  10. 11 LesleyG November 2, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    Woooohoooo! I love when people commit to running, and then when people call them insane. Because, yes, it is insane. But I have been there, and it is soooo worth it.

  11. 12 shutterboo November 2, 2009 at 10:10 pm

    I have no idea why people run for fun. I seriously need to be chased by a zombie in order for my ass to get in gear. Power to ya.

  12. 13 Mark November 3, 2009 at 12:29 am

    Amarathon run for me would be like down the stairs and out the back door and that aint happening unless there’s a fire. Good Luck! Keep writing!

  13. 14 Andrea (Off Her Cork) November 3, 2009 at 7:41 am

    AWESOME! I do not think I could pull a marathon off but dang you guys rock on with your bad asses! Wooot!

  14. 15 Erin November 3, 2009 at 7:43 am

    Only run when chased, is my motto (and even then, it depends on how good looking the chaser is). But I admire the hell out of you two for taking on this challenge!

  15. 16 Mindy@thesuburbanlife November 3, 2009 at 12:49 pm

    Woohoo Jessica! That’s hella-cool that you and Tim are running a marathon. I walked a half last year (that’s right. I WALKED a HALF marathon. To you runners I know that’s pretty lame but it’s all I had in me!) But I really admire you runners. That’s a heck of a lot of commitment and dedication. To running. 26 miles. That’s a hell of a long way. I clocked it once. It’s the same distance as driving to Costco and back. From my house, obviously. I’d rather go to Costco and eat samples. Good luck!

  16. 17 A Vapid Blonde November 3, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    I would say throughout my entire life time I have probably run one marathon in total….if you include the 100 yard dash in high school. Also I have only encountered spanish speaking cats in mexico….no french squirrels…yet! Oh mon dieux!

  17. 18 backoffhipster November 4, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Hats off to you! I tried to start running last week. I’m even more certain now that I Only Run From Bears.

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