any other path…like that astronaut one…and i wouldn’t even know him.

Tim and I were having one of those “out there” conversations last night.

I mean, REALLY random crap. Well, it wasn’t crap…but it was random. It all started with Tim having an epiphany. He was all, “You always ask why you? You’re the most sane woman I’ve ever met.”

Huh? Thanks? I think?

Apparently, he’s decided most women are crazy…well, most women from his dating life, anyway.

Everyone knows we met online (and if you didn’t, well, then this must be your first time. Surprise! It’s totally not what you think…).

Meeting someone online and then dating them isn’t like going to the same high school or college or working together or getting set up by a friend. All those things require connections with other people.

Online is a crap shoot. Worse than a blind date. At least with a blind date you can ask your setter-upper about the person…all you’ve got to go with online is their profile.

And everyone lies on those.

Anyway…the random part is going to require a history lesson. But it’s personal history…the kind of stuff everyone loves to read.

You already heard mine…Tim’s is better.

See, he grew up wanting to be an astronaut…went to school to be an astroaut…but didn’t become an astronaut because, among other things, he hates hot weather. I think I mentioned something about it somewhere before…(here, actually. I did the hard work for you).

So, where should we begin the randomness? How about during his junior year in undergrad, he randomly decided to submit an application to study in the UK for a semester because a professor was all, “Come on!! Why not?” He didn’t think he had a shot in hell…actually, he was positive that he’d grow a set of tits before he got in.

He got in.

And during that semester, he decided to withdraw from the program he was in (something called a 3-2 program…3 years in one school, 2 years in another to earn 2 Bachelor’s degrees) because he didn’t want his LAST semester EVER at his school to be in England.

Had he not decided to withdraw and just get one 4-year degree, his additional two years in the 3-2 program would have been in some other school, somewhere else in the country where who the hell knows who he would have met or what future decisions he would have made.

But he didn’t.

He moves on to grad school…where he ends up meeting a girl he dates for almost the entire 2 years, though he knew he wouldn’t end up marrying her (Why stay in the relationship? He said she was nice and a good-ass cook. He actually SAVED some of her recipes that we use now…weird, right?) However, had he dated some hot chick with a massively intelligent brain, I wouldn’t be writing this.

(Where’d he go to school? I’ll give you a hint. The answer is NOT on my sweatshirt)

j duke 2

THEN…he graduates and gets a job back in his hometown…moves BACK to Rochester…and a few years later, out of the blue, a job offer comes calling in Georgia.

Atlanta, Georgia.

He hadn’t pursued the job…the company…nothing. An old friend called with an offer that was like…a MASSIVE increase in money that his current boss would never be able to match. EVER.

It all came down to a conversation between Tim and his parents at the diningroom table. It was his dad who told him he was a fool not to take it…said he’d be down there 5 years and then move back (famous last words, I know).

So he took it. And then he, along with everyone else, was let go a few years later.

Had it not been for his (insanely crazy…a real wack-job we’re talking…) girlfriend at the time, who got him a contract job in South Carolina, he was ONE mortgage payment away from moving back to Rochester.

THEN the contract expired. He was in the middle of negotiations for a full time job with the company…which were stalled because the person who was going to be his boss was all, “I can’t hire him if he’s never actually worked for me.”

In the middle of that mess, Tim was applying to jobs ALL OVER THE COUNTRY because, though he would have taken the job in South Carolina in a heartbeat, things weren’t looking promising. And again, out of the damn blue, his current employer came calling…multiple times, actually. Tim ignored them. Told his dad it was crap, he’d never worked in the field they did business in…a stupid waste of time.

After the THIRD message they left, he called back and interviewed.

His landing that job is what kept him here. In Georgia. A job he didn’t even WANT initially. A job he ignored. On purpose.

During all this…during this section of his life, including navigating the dating world, looking for someone to marry, I was still going through high school and doing my thing in college. Just the thought makes me laugh. He’s losing his job and I’m getting a high school diploma.

Anyhow, had I not decided to graduate in three years AND had I gone on to grad school instead of moving back home, none of the following would have happened. I mean, he’s gone through THIRTY FOUR YEARS without committing to anyone, securing a job in Georgia and somehow managing to be single within about…two months of me moving back home.

(and the only reason “home” was Atlanta was because my dad decided at the very last minute NOT to take a job in Orlando while I was a kid…talk about strings being pulled and people being led for reasons well beyond our realm of understanding)

In the universe of possibilities, two months is like the blink of an eye. I mean, you see it and look away for a nano-second and then it’s gone. (I really have no idea how long a nano second is…I just know it’s shorter than a second)

It was like the universe was saying, screaming, actually: “she’s old enough now, dude. Go get her.”

So I try online dating…and where do I find his profile but a website that eventually got eaten by one of the big boys… Match.com probably. It doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve searched. It was one that tried to be “specific” for various cities where all your potential matches lived within a certain radius of a big city, instead of being all over the damn planet. It was a good idea, really. Anyway…that’s where I found him. And THE REASON I even SENT HIM AN EMAIL was because the “age” box was a range and not a single number…so his was like 30 – 35…and I figured 30 wasn’t THAT OLD…I had no idea he was a year and a half away from the NEXT AGE BRACKET.

Then, when he saw MY profile, the range was 20 – 25…and I’m sure he was all, 25 isn’t THAT YOUNG…

Had it been any other way…no way in hell any contact would have been made.

THEN his co-worker convinced him to ask me out on a date. He wasn’t going to…because I had written in one of my initial emails that I could always use another friend…and I said it because I wasn’t going to be all, “LET’S GO OUT! I’M AWESOME!” That didn’t seem like the right approach for someone 13 years older than me (I still have those emails. ALL OF THEM).

Now, had he not taken that particular job and had THAT co-worker not coerced him…well, you know where I’m going.

He says in some alternative universe, I ended up marring goose-boy and he married one of the crazies he dated.

I don’t do alternative universes…but if that’s true, Tim is currently a sad, sorry little man and I’m a mean ass bitch.

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18 Responses to “any other path…like that astronaut one…and i wouldn’t even know him.”


  1. 1 bevchen October 24, 2009 at 8:40 am

    It’s crazy how things work out isn’t it? If I hadn’t broke up with my previous boyfriend at a party Jan wouldn’t have walked me home and looked after me that night and we wouldn’t have got together 10 days later. Actually, when I tell our story people are always surprised we made it this far. We’re still not married though, or engaged… or even living together, so there’s still every chance that we won’t actually make it.
    I like your story better…

  2. 2 mmclaughlin October 24, 2009 at 9:01 am

    My husband and I go over the random hypotheticals all the time. We met the week before he graduated from a military academy and I had known and hung out with all of his friends for two years- to the day- before I met him. And one of those friends met one o my sorority sisters at our wedding and they got married this past February. Definitely amazing the way some things work out.

  3. 3 magda October 24, 2009 at 10:23 am

    What an amazing story! Timing really is everything, and looking back at the decisions and flukes that made relationships possible can be just spooky. I have so many stories like this, and I loved reading yours … thanks!

  4. 4 Jenera October 24, 2009 at 10:50 am

    My husband is from Idaho and once upon a time I had entertained the thought of going to Northwest Nazarene here in Nampa, his stomping grounds. So we have talked about whether or not we would have met sooner had I come to college here. Odds are no because he was the criminal drug dealing overlord but still, it is funny how things turn out.

    And we met online too and I think it helped clear out all of the bullshit for us in the beginning.

  5. 5 maureenlynn October 24, 2009 at 5:13 pm

    I love personal history and sequence of events. It’s fun going back and figuring out how you got where you are now.

    Oh yeah, and all women are crazy. Sad but true.

  6. 6 Spot October 24, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    Wow. What a tale! I guess we all have those in our lives. I find it a little scary to think about them! One little twist of fate, one split-second decision different and wham! Life as we know it would have been altered. I’m glad that your tale came out the way it did and I’m glad mine did too. =]

    ♥Spot

    Here’s your diamond~ ♦

  7. 7 chandrag October 24, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    Jessica. loved this! Hope you are happy.

  8. 8 Foxy October 24, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    WOW! I expect all of us do these comparisons. I just love how the universe seems to conspire to make us happy (That’s a quote from a book by Paulo Coelio – one of my favourites!) I suppose you could call me a hopeless romantic, others would just call me hopeless! LOL

    You’ve got a great sense of humour. I’m enjoying reading your blog. I’m grateful you left a comment on my blog – otherwise I probably wouldn’t have found you. I usually frequent those with health problems… but the details are to long and boring to mention just here!

    Many grateful thanks and I look forward to reading more about you soon.

    Foxy

  9. 9 Breeza October 24, 2009 at 7:30 pm

    It’s crazy how things work out. I’m happy you guys found each other!

  10. 11 Masked Mom October 24, 2009 at 8:50 pm

    I have this theory about regret that kind of fits in with this stuff. It’s pointless to regret–not only because the past can’t be changed but also because to change the tiniest detail of the past would be to put everything in your present at risk. Whenever I am feeling crappy about some past decsion or mistake or wallowing in self-pity about some crappy thing that happened to me, I remind myself that if there is a single thing in my current life that I am content with (and there are many) then all those “mistakes” were necessary to get here–change one thing and I could lose all those things that are most important to me now.

    But I still love the alternate universe crap. I check in with my alternaselves fairly often. 🙂

  11. 12 Angelia Sims October 24, 2009 at 11:45 pm

    The ending was perfect! Loved your story 🙂

    By the way, ever see the movie Sliding Doors? She misses the elevator, totally changed her life. Pretty cool at the end.

  12. 13 anymommy October 24, 2009 at 11:54 pm

    Perfect. Life is just one long string of random coincidences, isn’t it? I’m glad he’s not an astronaut.

  13. 14 modobs October 25, 2009 at 10:33 am

    Indeed, Jessica. Randomness is an odd thing.

  14. 15 stuttgal October 25, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    I like the age difference aspect. It’s still such a big deal. I have a friend, who dates younger and so do I – we both look younger so in most cases you wouldn’t be able to tell how big the difference really is, but if people hear the number, they are most likely shocked. And more about me (female) dating someone 10 years younger than about him dating someone twenty years younger.
    In the end, it doesn’t matter that much. If it’s a match, it’s a match. And if you manage to find a good partner, why getting all wound up about a few years more or less?

  15. 16 Laura October 25, 2009 at 6:04 pm

    What a fun story! I have to admit though, my favorite part of this post is that picture of you on Coach K Court. 😉 Someday I will have my own photo just like that! 🙂

  16. 17 Barista October 26, 2009 at 6:15 am

    Loved reading this! Timing is everything, I hear.

  17. 18 fattiefatterton October 27, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    The Vet and I have figured out all of the places we were at probably at the same time. And 13 years is nuthin’ honey!! 🙂 Great post!


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