i hate crucks. they look like aliens.

I have a serious issue with cars.

Well, with selecting a car I am willing to be seen driving in. I actually don’t have any problems with any cars…unless you tell me I must drive it.

At that point, I become overly critical…and bitchy.

I happen to love my car, except…it’s getting to the point where  I have to start looking Tim has to find ANOTHER one for me. All the Atlanta driving and the ten thousand trips to Cape Canaveral to try and see a damn space ship led to the miles racking up…and pieces are now breaking and replacements are becoming necessary…basically, it’s getting more expensive to keep it than it would be to have a car payment.

So, Tim’s been showing me cars…and let’s just say it isn’t exactly going so well. Actually, I think Tim is ready to beat his own head against a concrete wall…cause it’d be less painful than our current car-searching experience.

Tim: What about this one?

Me: The back looks like an alien. No.

Tim: Ok…this one?

Me: Does it even HAVE a bumper? It looks like they just stopped at the trunk. And what’s with the hood? It’s like, as long as the entire car…with no bumper…it’s all disproportionate. Who designs these things? I could design a better car.

Tim: The bumper is RIGHT THERE…and the hood looks long because the angle of the picture.

Me: I don’t see it…plus, you know, now that I look at it, the hood is all sloped.

Tim: They don’t “slope” hoods, it’s just the angle of the picture

Me: I don’t think so…I think it’s the car…AND the windows are too skinny…

Tim: FINE…you don’t like it….how about THIS ONE?

Me: That is like, ALL BUMPER…and it’s ugly…and the headlights make it look like a snake. And I hate snakes. I’m not driving a snake.

Tim: Holy hell, woman…

Me: Leave me alone. I just know what I like.

Tim: Nothing. The answer is nothing. You don’t LIKE anything.

Me: I like my car…and your car.

Tim: Obviously, those don’t exactly count right now…

Me: Well, then you just haven’t shown me a good one yet.

Tim: This one?

Me: The side looks fine…how about the inside?

Me: Nevermind. I’m not driving a Roger Rabbit car.

Tim: !#$!#@ Where, exactly, do you see ROGER RABBIT?

Me: I don’t SEE him, the inside just looks all cartoonish…and goofy.

Tim: YOU. ARE. IMPOSSIBLE.

Me: No, I’m just picky…I know what I like.

Tim: I showed you THE CAR YOU ARE CURRENTLY DRIVING SEVENTEEN TIMES and you said you didn’t like it…you only liked it when we actually went and SAW IT IN PERSON.

Me: That’s because you never showed me MY EXACT CAR. NO ONE HAS MY CAR…except me.

Tim: It was close enough.

Me: No. The Mazda 3 is not close AT ALL to my car. It is nowhere NEAR my car…it doesn’t even LOOK THE SAME as my car.

(I have a Mazda 3, SP 2.3…and we have never, ever  seen another one…EVER)

Tim: Nevermind…how about this?

Me: The lights are too bubbly…and the funky back window plus the bubbly lights make it look like one of those Japanese cartoon characters.

Tim: WHAT. THE. HELL. It’s a CAR.

Me: It’s an advertisement to watch cartoons…plus it looks like a cruck…and I HATE CRUCKS.

(a “cruck” is a vehicle that looks like a car-truck…too big to be a car…too small to be a truck…with the worst elements of both).

Me: How about we don’t play this game anymore?

Tim: How about we actually go and LOOK at the cars?

Me: What if I still don’t like them?

Tim: Then you can drive a bicycle.

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23 Responses to “i hate crucks. they look like aliens.”


  1. 1 misscherryred October 13, 2009 at 8:40 am

    This is almost the exact conversation J and I had when purchasing our new car!

    Very funny.

    We’re getting rid of our MPV. Too small to be an actual people carrier and a little bigger than a standard car. Very sports-mum. Not at all cool.

    J wanted to buy a sports car. But unfortunately we couldn’t fit the tonne of toys my daughter travels with in it.

    I think he may cried an actual tear.

    Loving your work
    x

    • 2 Jessica October 13, 2009 at 3:35 pm

      misscherryred: That’s kind of the issue we’re having…we need more space…but not too much space… anyway, thank you!…and nice to see you dropped in! Hope to see you around from time to time!

      justrun: I’m starting to think you are absolutely right…could you please pass the xanax?

      maureenlynn: that’s the problem…Tim KNOWS what he’s talking about when it comes to safety and all that…all I know is that it looks like a cockroach and I won’t drive it.

      Cyndi: We just may be related…never know…and I have the opposite problem: I’m too tall for some cars…well, really my legs are like, super long, so it poses a problem…

      Stephanie: We did the SAME THING when we were shopping for Tim’s car!…You don’t have time for us? We don’t want your car.

      Jenera: Really? Which one’s? I’m not a truck person…you’ll never see me driving a truck…EVER…not that there’s anything wrong with them…just not my thing…they fit into the 99.9% of the vehicles on the road I don’t like…

      Rose: Anytime! Thanks for stopping in! 🙂

      Barista: Yeah…I got nothin…I don’t even know car SYMBOLS…much less names…I mean, I know Mercedes…but start naming the different kinds and I’m all lost…

      PottyMouthMommy: I think my husband can sympathize…because that’s me (your husband)…that is EXACTLY what I did with the last car (that I eventually bought).

      Anne: I drive a Mazda 3 SP 2.3 (2005). That’s not too personal…and definitely doesn’t rank on the paranoia scale. I mean, it’s just a CAR. 🙂

      Heather: My husband would probably kiss my feet if I said that…”don’t care how it looks as long as it’s reliable and the right price.” Actually, come to think of it, he’d probably faint from the shock value those words would have…

      Lori: Amen, sistah. Amen.

      Angelia: Thanks…for the luck…and, by the way, I think Jeep Wranglers look like those freaky click-beetles that can pop up off their back and make that clicking noise (hence the name…)…and so they fit into the “I do not drive things that look like bugs” category. Not that there’s a problem if YOU drive a click-beetle… 🙂

      Lilu & bellyshirts: Don’t they, though? Totally a bad design.

  2. 3 justrun October 13, 2009 at 8:59 am

    Car shopping is the reason they invented prescription anti-anxiety meds. And padded rooms.

  3. 4 maureenlynn October 13, 2009 at 9:03 am

    HAHAHA. I don’t think I’d even TRY buying a car with Matt. But then again, he does know a lot about cars… might be helpful. hmm… such a dilemma.

  4. 5 Cyndi October 13, 2009 at 9:04 am

    LOL!

    Do I know you? Are you related to me in a way I’m not aware of? I live just northeast of Atlanta, used to commute daily into the perimeter, and we’re FROM Brevard County, FL. (Actually, I was born on a navy base in Pensacola but my mom’s family lived in Satellite.)

    Cars and I have a love/hate relationship since I worked for a car advertising company for like my entire professional life. I could go without seeing another stupid car for as long as I live. I’m on the short size so most of the imports I can’t see out of because of where the back support beams are placed. The Honda Element was a no go because its like driving a brick. The Scions are really nice but it’s a lot like driving a go-cart. Most of the GM cars in our price range look like the interior should be a cheap kids’ toy. (On my Monte Carlo, I did have to have one knob replaced every other month because it would just break off!) The Honda Pilot is AMAZING but it’s way out of our price range.

    I refuse to drive a mini-van or anything that looks like I should weigh 300 lbs and be wearing spandex or like I should be wearing cut off shorts and have a shot gun under the seat. Shaun is really tall, so when he sits in cars I like, his knees keep hitting the door lock buttons and the window buttons. So….after all that, I’m in a 2004 Dodge Durango (with a Hemi) and LOVE IT. Shaun has an 01 Honda Accord that’s a really nice ride. They get the same gas mileage so it’s a win/win!

  5. 6 Stephanie October 13, 2009 at 9:09 am

    Ah! Car shopping… Ugh!

    When we were shopping for my new car we went through the whole look them up online thing and I didn’t like anything until we actually went to a dealership.

    And at one of the dealerships we stood there for about 10-15 minutes waiting for someone to help us and no one showed up. I got pissed and insisted we wait until a salesperson made an appearance just so he could see his potential sale walking away from him. When he did appear, he was on the phone as he walked up. We walked away without a word. It felt great! 😀

  6. 7 Jenera October 13, 2009 at 9:18 am

    crucks, lol. I hate them too. It gives trucks a bad name. These days cars are getting uglier by the minute. I can only think of a few vehicles I’d like brand new and two of them are full size trucks.

  7. 8 Rose October 13, 2009 at 9:49 am

    LMAO @ “I’m not driving a snake.” Thanks for the hilarity!

  8. 9 Barista October 13, 2009 at 10:16 am

    I hate crucks too. They look so stupid. I also hate that hitler box truck thing that I think Mercedes (?? I don’t know shit about cars so i could be way off) made a few years ago.

  9. 10 PottyMouthMommy October 13, 2009 at 11:54 am

    omfg I actually HAD this conversation a year ago with my husband… except I was the one FREAKING OUT at him because there was always SOMETHING wrong with the vehicles I was picking out… I even made that bastard a spreadsheet comparing all the vehicles I picked out that fit our criteria for vehicles and omg…

    the vehicle we BOUGHT- #1 pick by ME from the VERY BEGINNING… after testdriving about 19 gazillion damn vehicles… GAH!!

    i could have killed him… except that I was very appeased by having a shiny brand-new RAV 4 in silver… /sigh…

    of course I was MORE happy before all the guys on base (military base where we live) got back from overseas a week later and there was like, 50 brand new silver RAV 4s JUST LIKE MINE within a two-block radius of me… ugh….

    i don’t even mention crucks because it makes my mouth feel dirty just to say it.. ick!!

  10. 11 Anne Dewvall October 13, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    Would you mind sharing with us what kind of car you currently own or does that tread on the whole paranoid not-answering-questions thing from a few posts ago? I am just curious :). I don’t like cars, except for my first one (a lovely Lexus) and Tyler’s current one (new CRV). I would also tolerate, perhaps, an Audi or something along those lines ; ). Right now I am driving the hand-me-down car, and all I ever say about it is that it’s not as nice as my Lexus. Whine whine whine ; ). A Prius would be really fun for scaring your neighbors in (the super-quiet stealth mode).

    Although, don’t rule out the bicycle thing offhand. There are cute bicycles and obviously you would need tons of new, expensive, bicycle accessories. Bicycle shoes, bicycle outfits, flashing lights, horn, and other safety gear, bicycle sound system, comfortable bicycle seat, customized paint job, the list of necessities goes on and on.

  11. 12 Heather October 13, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    My hubby knows not to even try talking to me about cars. I choose my cars, not him. I ran the service department in a local Renault dealership. I’ve worked in several garages: Citroen, Renault, Nissan and Rover. My problem is that I won’t touch this car because I’ve seen so many with this problem and that problem. I’m touching that French car, because the electrics always go. I’m not touching that ‘British car’ because it’s made in France. I’m not touching that Italain car because the bodies rust quickly. I’m not touching that Rover because it’s really made in India. I’m not buying that Nissan after a certain date because they have lots of Renault parts as Renault is now the majority shareholder and they are French. The list goes on and on. There is such a thing as knowing too much about cars! I don’t really care how it looks as long as it is reliable and the right price!

  12. 13 Lori October 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    Anything that has to do with cars gives me the heebee-jeebees. I can honestly say that cars and all that goes with having a car is one of the main reasons I got married. It is all now HIS problem. Along with the trash. I love my Honda Fit, though. (it was between that and the Mazda 3 which is why I mention it)

  13. 14 Angelia October 13, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    Get a Jeep Wrangler, problem solved. I hate shopping period… for anything. Good cruck! I mean good luck! HA.

  14. 15 LiLu October 13, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    They DO look like aliens!!! Holy hell!

  15. 16 bellyshirts October 13, 2009 at 3:25 pm

    hahah you pretty much sound exactly like me when I was trying to buy a new car recently. And those cars totally do look like aliens!

  16. 17 Leese October 13, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    I have a Sable station wagon.. I HAD to get a station wagon because of his dependents :: read: kids :: .. so the other day there was a story on the news proclaiming that your car choice details your personality.

    So the idiot-man I life with :: who will be known by that name until I’m done being pissed at him :: yells for me to watch the spot.

    ME: I already know what my cars says about me
    HIM: What?
    ME: That I should have bought the two-seater convertible.

    I only have 2 more car payments left.. keep your fingers crossed for that convertible!!

    Anyway.. a car has to look “right” to me.. I can totally relate to what your were saying about bubbly lights and thin windows!!

  17. 18 Heather October 13, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    I have to laugh at your comment that it’s just a car. I animate my car. If I have to get rid of one, I feel really bad about it – like I’m putting a pet to sleep! They all have their own individual sounds and characters, and I love them all equally. Sad I know, but that’s how I see them!

    Oh, and the Mazda is a great car. I always buy Japanese because they’re the most reliable, and I refuse to buy anything else!

  18. 19 "Seattle" Heather October 13, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    Girl you are funny! Consider me a Stalker…err um I mean follower…yea that’s what I meant! ha ha

    I totally get the car thing…don’t even get me started!

  19. 20 Cindy Lou October 13, 2009 at 6:38 pm

    Personally I like the cars that look like a turd that’s been squeezed out …. NOT! I guess I don’t really care as long as it gets me from point A to point B. Our everyday, drive around is dependable but oh-so-messy…hauls four dogs, gardening/hunting/fishing/berry picking supplies and we never bother to clean it out except for the big chunks. Lovely picture, hey? Has Tim gotten over it yet? :}

  20. 21 mark price October 13, 2009 at 6:40 pm

    I look at car driving differently. I really want a ford GT. They cost like 150 grand so I probably won’t get one this year.(or ever) If I can’t have the car I want I guess it really doesn’t matter what I drive. Wow I just read that and now I know why my wife treats me like I’m 4 yrs old sometimes.

  21. 22 Erin October 14, 2009 at 7:44 am

    You are like my husband. I hate him lots come car shopping time.

  22. 23 Alice in Wonderland October 14, 2009 at 10:35 am

    Living out here in the English countryside, I drive a Range Rover, but I also have a jeep, not that we get the weather to drine it with the roof down though!
    I used to have some friends that had an American Cadillac, but it was too long to manage all the sharp corners here!


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