halloween is in october, people. october!

Out of all the candy that is stacked on shelf after shelf for Halloween, there is only one kind that I cannot resist.

Actually, I’ve given up the resisting.

Instead, I allow myself a single, regular sized bag (cause, you know they make monster-sized everything now).

It’s my one vice that I will never refuse.


I am über particular about my candy corn…the same way some are with caviar or wine or chocolate.

There will be no “substitutions” or “new kinds” or “different varieties.”

There is only Brach’s.

Don’t ruin my once-a-year experience that causes me to salivate every time I think about those little tri-colored triangles.

Some lump candy corn into the same category as those disgusting circus peanuts.

Whatever, haters.

I’ve got no shame for my obsession with candy corn.

But, I’m with you on the peanuts. The peanuts make me want to gag.

Anyhow, since I’ve been working from “home,” I do all the grocery shopping. And apparently August is the new October…and since AUGUST I’ve been avoiding the massive Halloween displays in the grocery store where my beloved candy corn sits, waiting for me…calling to me…begging me to bring it home to devour, piece by glorious piece. 

But I refuse.

I turn my back on those ridiculous, nicey-nicey, smiley cardboard witches all, “You know, my pretty, you really need this candy TODAY and EVERY OTHER DAY YOU COME…even though I won’t tell you that if you do this, you’ll be ten pounds fatter by Halloween.”

It’s totally a principle thing.

Well, that and I would’ve already gone through like, twenty bags of candy corn.

But, on the whole principle matter – I refuse to buy anything “Halloween” until October…and I’m trying to hold out until the middle of the month instead of October 1. It was a massive battle this morning (Monday’s tend to be my “grocery shopping” day), being that we’re only a few days from my self-imposed line in the sand.


Then, as I sat in the store, about to have a mental breakdown, holding my candy corn bag, sweat beads forming on my forehead, looking like a crazy person mumbling to myself all, “It’s NOT OCTOBER…No…it isn’t…I just CHECKED MY PHONE…NO!…there are not 27 days in September…stupid…NO! I CANNOT DO IT!…” I remembered the secret location where the candy corn is always abundant.

The pharmacy.


I slammed the bag back down, almost toppling the entire display and knocking that bitchy witch on her ass, wheeled my cart around to check out, chuckling all, “I AM SO SMART. SO. DAMN. SMART…”

A tiny tip, from me to you, to avoid handing out miniature raisin boxes or those gross fruity-flavored tootsie rolls to trick-or-treaters that will guarantee your house will be egged or rolled and dubbed the “LAME HOUSE” … if you ever find youself on a Halloween-eve-candy-run-because-I-was-too-lazy-to-buy-any-before-the-mad-October 30th-dash, go to Walgreens. Or Rite Aid…or whatever pharmacy you’ve got nearby.

The good stuff may be $400 a bag, but they’ll be in stock.

Think of it as an investment. You’ll save yourself an eternity of cleaning up Halloween pranks and replacing slashed tires and avoiding a silent lifetime ban from all neighborhood parties.

And, another thing.


I’ve got an idea. How about we WAIT UNTIL NOVEMBER before the artificial evergreens start coming out. I mean…if I see someone put up a tree in OCTOBER…I’m going to make fun of them.

And egg their house.

And put pink flamingoes with santa hats all over their lawn.


26 Responses to “halloween is in october, people. october!”

  1. 1 Lori September 28, 2009 at 1:22 pm

    I totally saw Christmas decorations in Target on Saturday right next to all of the Halloween stuff. That’s just plain bananas! It is freakin’ September!

    I have to say though, I am not a fan of the candy corn, but I respect your confectionery preferences!

  2. 2 lifestartsnow September 28, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    you think halloween in august is bad? how about christmas candy and everything cinnamon in mid-september????? it’s ridiculous. and so tempting at the same time. usually i end up buying the stuff so early that by the time its christmas i don’t feel like christmas candy anymore.


  3. 3 Chell September 28, 2009 at 2:09 pm

    I searched and searched this weekend for regular candy corn. NO WHERE TO BE FOUND! They had all these flippin’ “gourmet” kind or black and orange. Mine wasn’t to eat though. I was putting it in a glass globe with a candle, for a cute center piece on my dining room table. I am decorating this week. I am having company on Sunday, and well I like to be a show off and have everything out… lol

  4. 4 Belle September 28, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    People egg your house if your candy sucks?!?!! Sh*t, I’m nervous now… I’ve been living in a college town so we never had tricker treaters. Now I live in Familyfriendly-ville… what do these people like!?

  5. 5 Stone Fox September 28, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    you know, i don’t think i’ve ever had candy corn.

    obviously, it’s a huge struggle for you to deny yourself when it’s practically being shoved down your throat this time of year. good for you for resisting!

    just keep telling yourself, “i’m not addicted to candy corn. pfft.. i could quit anytime. i don’t *need* candy corn, i just *like* candy corn.”

    because it’s hardly apparent that you are TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY HOOKED ON THE SMACK KNOWN AS CANDY CORN.

    intervention, anyone? who’s with me?

  6. 6 T September 28, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    Oh my God, I LOVE candy corn… and I haven’t the will-power to self-deny them at all! My other candy-achilles? Cadbury Chocolate Easter Eggs. I buy them by the boat-load and then hide them all over my kitchen. So much so that upon cleaning out the cupboards this summer I found two and half uneaten bags of the things!

    Working from home involves careful, delicious snacking!

  7. 7 peedee September 28, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    The only way I’m eatin the Candy Corn is mixed with peanuts. 0_o

    And Homo-Depot has all their Christmas stuff out. pfft. I dont want to even go in there now until after Thanksgiving.

    I mean, who buys Christmas stuff now?? Better yet, who puts it up this early?? Maybe if the whole country boycotted the idiot offenders they’d stop. Not likely tho. Farkin pisses me off.

  8. 8 thebakerbee September 28, 2009 at 3:58 pm

    I have the same affinity for candy corn. Brach’s candy corn. I eat no less than 25 bags every fall, mostly because I am scared that they won’t have them next year and I’ll need to get my fill right then.

    I also love the mallowcreme pumpkins. But not the chocolate candy corn. Who thought that would be good?

  9. 9 always home and uncool September 28, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    I like to use candy corn to make fangs, but still not as sweet as Cadburt cream eggs at Easter.

  10. 10 submom September 28, 2009 at 5:14 pm

    LOL. I love this! September then is the new Christmas cause I’ve seen Xmas stuff put up already. Poor Thanksgiving is like the red-headed orphan of the holidays. (I need to write a blog about my strong feelings for Thanksgiving: for justice!) And I’m with you, there is only ONE candy cone, the others are food-dyed infused cone-shaped clumps.

  11. 11 Mindy@thesuburbanlife September 28, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    I’m so ashamed. Purely on impulse, although I tried to blame it on some sort of vitamin deficiency, I purchased 3 smallish bags of Halloween candy last week. They’re. Almost. All. Gone. It’s going to be a looonnnggg month.

  12. 12 fillforsix September 28, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    Hey! I’m dropping in from Jodiq’s site! I just have to say that Candy Corn is the most polarizing candy known to man. You either hate it or love it. My sister LOVES it. My husband HATES it. He was thrilled a few years back when Noggin brought out their ‘I Don’t Like Candy Corn’ song. Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCDsOAYiaqY If that doesn’t work, you can find it with a quick you tube search. Enjoy!

  13. 13 Lawgirl September 28, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    We are so on the same page. I refuse to allow Christmas decorations before the day after Thanksgiving. I don’t want to rush holidays!!

  14. 14 morethananelectrician September 28, 2009 at 9:34 pm

    Jelly beans at Easter is my time of year. Why can’t they be Halloween candy too?

  15. 15 Breeza September 28, 2009 at 10:52 pm

    Candy corns have always grossed me out! Corn? As candy? Sorry–so not my thing. I love reese’s pb cups. Especially the shaped ones. But whatever, give into the addiction! 🙂

  16. 16 Wendy September 29, 2009 at 10:17 am

    Trust me, I don’t think you need to worry that everybody will have bought all the candy corn by the time you allow yourself to buy some. That stuff is practically the only thing left over on November 2nd. (Sorry, but in my mind, if it doesn’t contain chocolate, it’s not worth putting in my mouth.)

    And Halloween is the only holiday I have a hard time waiting for because it’s my favorite. I even carved my face on a pumpkin last week and I am forcing myself to wait until October 1st until I put the picture up as my masthead.

    It didn’t stop me from posting about the thing, though. I just don’t have the herculean willpower that you seem to have.

  17. 17 Jessica September 29, 2009 at 12:11 pm

    Lori: Yes, the “lighted” Christmas trees in a wholesale store called BJ’s (bad name decision, I know)is what started the rant. I looked at Tim all, “What the hell?…”

    franzi: That’s why I resist…or else I’d eat candy corn and Christmas cookies all year long…and then they wouldn’t really be like, special, anymore…

    Chell: Well, I get the showing off. I’d probably do that too, if we ever had any company. I don’t think I could make something ornamental out of candy corn, though. I can see myself picking out pieces and eating them…yes, my obsession is THAT BAD.

    Belle: I recommend chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate.

    Stone Fox: Yes, you can join my husband in the holding-my-arms-behind-my-back-and-dragging-me-out-of-the-store routine. He’s getting kinda tired of it, so I’m sure he’d love the help.

    T: I LOVE cadbury eggs, too. Tim thinks they are absolutely revolting…but the yellow and cream-colored “inside”…THE BEST.

    peedee: PEANUTS?? With candy corn? REALLY?…. I just can’t do it. They must be eaten and enjoyed alone…

    thebakerbee: OH! The pumpkins ARE good…I may just have to get two bags this year…candy corn AND the pumpkins…as for the chocolate one’s…that was one idea where chocolate did NOT improve the flavor.

    always home and uncool: First – that’s a very…that’s a downer kind of name. 🙂 I’m always home…but I like to think of myself as a homebody and not uncool…but that’s just me. And the eggs…definitely my Easter vice.

    submom: Isn’t it though? It’s like Thanksgiving? What is THAT? Oh, a big dinner…that’s all. When is it, again?

    Mindy: ohhh, girl. We’ve got some work to do with you. 🙂

    fillforsix: Hi! Thanks for dropping in…and yes, there is no middle ground with candy corn. You can’t “kinda” like candy corn just like you are never “sorta” pregnant. And thanks for that link…had NO IDEA there was a song…a candy corn song.

    Lawgirl: I like to savor my holidays…and by savor I do not mean begin in September and end in March.

    morethananelectrician : JELLY BEANS! I was just talking to Tim about these last night. The are MY FAVORITE around Easter. I love them like I love candy corn.

    Breeza: Oh, I will….in October…*sigh*

    Wendy: You carved your FACE? That’s talent, woman. I cannot even carve those triangle eyes and nose. They turn out mostly roundish…cause I keep trying to make them the same size.

  18. 18 Kid Icarus September 29, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Candy Corn! Candy Corn!!! What about the pumkins! They’re ohhhh sooo good when you can bite them in half and enjoy their sweet goodness.

  19. 19 habanerogal September 29, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    For me it is the rockets that I MUST have. The one thing about the kids growing up that does make me sad is no more bags of candy to “sort” which really means raid because I know what is good for them

  20. 20 lauraezolnoski September 29, 2009 at 8:13 pm

    this post is so silly! I saw Christmas stuff yesterday and was not happy about it, haha. thank you for the comment on my site! How did you find me?

  21. 21 eatingmachine September 29, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    costco’s had christmas stuff in for a MONTH.

    although, my fam is half canadian, so someone is always the annoying one on canadian thanksgiving (in october) who decides that since it’s thanksgiving we can start playing carols.

    that person might be me sometimes.

  22. 22 sdragoc September 29, 2009 at 8:56 pm

    I hate to say it, but I decorated TODAY. 2 days before October even starts. I just couldn’t wait. And the candy corn makes a gravy all its own. YUM!

  23. 23 bridgeout September 30, 2009 at 7:53 am

    Those are one of my wife’s all time favorite candies. HAS to be Brach’s. 🙂

  24. 24 bevchen September 30, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    I don’t even know what candy corn is.

    The shops here seem to think it’s Christmas already. Probably because the Germans don’t really do Halloween and they need something to try and force people to spemd their money on…

  1. 1 yea for randomness! Oh…and happy buff-tober. « booshy Trackback on September 30, 2009 at 8:35 am
  2. 2 i’m trying not to yell nonsensical things at you. that means i love you. « booshy Trackback on October 3, 2009 at 7:37 am

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