i’m not yelling. i’m getting even.

We’re still working on recall…i.e. GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE IMMEDIATELY with Lexi AND Maddie.

Seems Maddie believes she can do anything she decides is a good idea at the present moment, regardless of what we scream at her…like sniff trees or run around the yard or JUMP INTO OUR NEIGHBORS CAR WHILE A CHILD IS INSIDE.

Exactly.

Lexi comes on command better than Maddie…but when Lexi sees Maddie doing something…a favorite is usually running around the house like her ass is on fire, she automatically thinks its ok and tags along.

When we take them out in the morning, it’s EARLY.

Like, between 5:30 – 6:00am early.

No one is really “out and about” for them to give an unwelcomed “hi” or chase down while on their daily run, totally lost in the moment with no idea a dog was about to pummel them from behind (yeah, that was Maddie), and we used to let them off lead to do their business and stretch their legs.

I say “used to” because those privileges are no longer part of this household.

Anyhow, when Maddie or Lexi got too close to the road or started to act unruly, I’d be all, “GIRLS! STOP IT! COME. HERE.

Tim: SHHHH! Stop yelling. People are sleeping.

Me: I don’t care. And I’m not yell…GIRLS! COME HERE NOW!

Tim: Geez, woman, your voice really carries…I’ll bet they heard you at the other end of the street. SHUSH!

Me: I’m not yelling…

Tim: And, you should care.

Me: Why?

Tim (in his urgent, whisper voice): People are SLEEPING. As in, don’t want to HEAR SOMEONE SCREAMING OUTSIDE.

Me: Well, they drive around and then sit in our cul-de-sac with the bass turned up so high it RATTLES THE BED WHILE I’M TRYING TO SLEEP. So, whatever. Payback’s a bitch.

Tim: GIRLS! INSIDE! NOW!!!

Me: And that’s not yelling?

Tim: No. It’s evening the score.

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10 Responses to “i’m not yelling. i’m getting even.”


  1. 1 Shelly September 27, 2009 at 8:14 am

    I’m a fan of score evening!

    Both are dogs such are recall. They’re pretty well trained overall, but recall when Something More Fun is occupying their tiny brains, not so much.

  2. 2 lifestartsnow September 27, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    oh that loud, unruly woman yelling at the holy hour of 5:30 a.m. is YOU????

    girl, your voice carries farther than you think 😉

    franzi

  3. 3 Stone Fox September 27, 2009 at 2:23 pm

    i’m so glad i live in the sticks. the last person to wake me up in the middle of the night was a bunch of hooligans pulling donuts on the highway. it really never happens.

  4. 4 les@mamaneeds2rant September 27, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    You must be related to my newspaper carriers. I almost wrote a post today about how they use their loudest “outside” voices at the ungodly hour of 5:00a.m.

  5. 5 Nona September 27, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    Our dogs don’t come when called very well, either. A friend of mine, who happens to be a dog trainer, told me to always use a happy voice when calling the dogs because they are more likely to stay away from you if they think you are angry with them.

    It works most of the time, but not during highly distracted moments.

    The only other trick I know is to get the dogs’ attention and run the other way. This works with our greyhounds because they naturally want to chase a running target.

  6. 6 Angelia September 27, 2009 at 7:49 pm

    Ha! That’s funny! You bark in the morning instead of the dogs. Mine don’t listen either! You can move to my neighborhood. I sleep like the dead. 🙂

  7. 7 doobylove September 27, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    I yell too, but I yell inside my apartment and my downstairs neighbors always beat their ceilings with a broom stick. I guess it’s not really about getting even, but I’m sure they think I am a horrible mother.

  8. 8 Meredith September 27, 2009 at 11:07 pm

    OMG you could substitute my daughters’ names for your dogs’ and I’m pretty sure it would still be fairly accurate… including the neighbors being noisy in the cul-de-sac. Sigh.

  9. 9 submom September 28, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    Me, slow. Took me a while to realize these are your dogs… Ha. Well, now you need to get even on the even… 😉

  10. 10 Jessica September 28, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    Shelly: Yes, that is the issue we’re having, too. Inside? They’re great. Come every time. Outside? We’re no longer interesting.

    Franzi: Really? Wow. I really should think about marketing that talent…

    Stone Fox: Well, then it just might be time for me to come and visit. Then you’ll know pain and irritation. 🙂

    les: I learned the art from them. They’ve got a way with making their voices sound ten times louder…pretty impressive, really.

    Nona: I’ve tried running away. I’ve tried pretending I found something AMAZING on the ground…it works with Lexi…but Maddie already know the gig’s up and ignores all of it.

    Angelia: My voice may just be what wakes you up. I’m not normally a “loud” person…but in the morning…I don’t know, I guess everything’s all fresh and ready…

    doobylove: no, they’re just jealous that they don’t have the balls to yell like you. It takes a special kind of person to hit those notes.

    Meredith: Yes, we’re all over the globe. It’s like a tribe.

    submom: Our dogs…the disobedient ones…maybe I should’ve explained that a bit better…


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