maddie’s ice cream explosion

Maddie loves people food.  Actually, she prefers it over her twice-a-day feedings of California Natural.

Sometimes, we mix the kibble with plain, non-fat yogurt…tell her she’s getting “granola” and Pavlov’s Theory takes over – drool immediately starts flowing into a puddle on the floor.

I don’t know what it is about dairy…but it comes second only to meeting people.

Last summer, as new puppy parents, we thought we’d give Maddie a HUGE treat and take her to a walk-up ice cream place called Brusters.  Not only would she get to SEE PEOPLE but she’d also get ICE CREAM.

What else could possibly top that in her puppy world?

The correct answer is nothing.  Nothing tops people PLUS dairy.

So, we loaded her into the car, hauled her over to Brusters – where we purchased a vanilla ice cream cone while everyone fawned over the adorable puppy whose tail was wagging so violently it almost took out a grown man at the knees.

We walked her and the ice cream to a picnic table, made her “sit” and then watched as her eyes began to pop out of her head as the cone lowered closer and closer to her face, exclamation points exploding from her ears like, I GET TO EAT THE WHOLE THINGNOW?!?”

I have never seen any animal try to eat at such a rapid pace.  Eventually, I had to hold it and ration out the licks and slurps so she didn’t wind up with a massive brain freeze.  And five minutes later when the carnage was finally over, ice cream was EVERYWHERE.

And in a crisis such as this, what else do you do than take your sticky golden retriever to a park WITH A LAKE.

Now, let me say that whenever we take Maddie ANYWHERE, we make her do BOTH KINDS OF BUSINESS in OUR YARD FIRST.  We learned early on that carrying around a hot, steaming bag of poo really kills the mood.

In the parking lot of the park, I see Maddie’s brain trying to work out if it was positioning Tigger on the window sill or biting Gracie in the ass that resulted in her placement in this very moment, because TODAY. IS. AWESOME.

As soon as we stepped onto a path to the lake, she began to sniff every rock, tree and leaf within the distance of her leash.  I was walking her across a small bridge when I noticed that her “walk” started becoming more of a “waddle.”

Me: “Um…Honey…I think Maddie needs to go potty…”

Tim: “So, let her.”

Me, in a quiet, urgent voice: “No….you aren’t hearing me.  NOT THAT KIND.”

Tim whips around and looks at me all, “I DIDN’T BRING ANY BAGS.”

And, as if on cue, Maddie squats and deposits a pile of poo half the size of her body RIGHT ON THE PATH.

I look at Tim.  He looks at me. 

And as we both look down at the smiling, relieved Maddie, the most god-awful smell hits and I am certain that everyone in that park has passed out or is uncontrollably gagging.

Tim takes immediate action while I stand there, unable to move, finding the predicament hysterical.

My laughing doesn’t help Tim’s plight as he’s rummaging around in the tree line, muttering expletives and finally emerges with a giant, flat rock.  He walks back over to the pile, looks at Maddie like, “WHAT IS THE DEAL? THE FRESH AIR TOO MUCH FOR YOU?!” And then bends over and begins flinging poo off the trail with the rock, making hideous facial expressions from the stench with each scoop-and-toss.

He looks back at me after discarding the poo-stained rock and is all, “GET MOVING. I don’t think anyone saw us.”

I start walking Maddie again, snickering the entire way while Tim is ahead, scouting out the path to make sure no one is coming.

Tim turns back around and whispers, “If I raise my left hand in the air, whistle twice and then do the call of the whooping crane, IN THAT ORDER, that means someone is coming and you are to take Maddie and HIDE IN THE BUSHES.”

Me: Seriously?  Come on.  It’s just POO….wait…you can do a whooping crane??”

Tim: “POO still on the ground, under a ROCK and not picked up by irresponsible OWNERS!”

Maddie made a fool out of us that day.  After gallivanting in the lake she managed to shoot out an additional TWO MASSIVE piles…resulting in two more rocks strategically placed out in the open.

Because everyone knows that’s where rocks migrate – to open fields. 

Each of her “movements” seemed to get runnier and runnier…

And then finally, it dawns on us.

The ice cream.

That damned ice cream.

It was her first – and last – visit to Brusters.

She’s only allowed dog-friendly Frosty Paws within the confines of our home -where if we’re going to have intestinal issues…we’re having them in our own backyard.

maddie puppy 1


7 Responses to “maddie’s ice cream explosion”

  1. 1 Breeza August 6, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    I’m not a dog person, but she is SO cute!

  2. 3 Breeza August 6, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    Cat person hands down.

  3. 4 Shannon August 6, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    After my craptastic day I needed that laugh. She is so adorable!

  4. 6 bolognaball August 7, 2009 at 4:05 am

    What an adorable lactose intolerant puppy 🙂
    Its amazing how a smell so bad can come out of something so cute, thanks for a great giggle. My goldies also love frosty paws, and would more often then not eat the dixie cup they came in!

    • 7 Jessica August 7, 2009 at 6:21 am

      bolognaball: you are not joking. WOW was that smell AWFUL! The frosty paws definitely work, though. We’ve gotten her to understand that the little “cup” is not food… and she’ll either bring it to us or carry it around like a toy.

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