the binge

Tim is currently doing the South Beach Diet.  Apparently low carb works for him – which is awesome – but I will absolutely NOT be joining him.  I’ve already been down that road and it wasn’t pretty.

A few years ago, Tim and I decided to do the South Beach Diet together.  I had never really done a *diet* before…basketball had been my diet since grade school and it worked just fine for me. 

Then I got out into the “real world” and had a real job and the time for two hours of daily exercise didn’t exist anymore.

Enter South Beach Diet.  Phase 1.

Now, you must understand. My athlete body LOVED CARBS.  I lived on cereal and pasta and cookies and ice cream…fruit…crackers…but mostly my favorite cereals…Honey Bunches of Oats with Almonds and Raisin Bran.

And South Beach Diet Phase 1 saunters in and shakes its finger in my face and tells me I cannot have ANY of that.  Just cut it out, cold turkey.

I was not happy.

I was reduced to eating eggs.  And meat.  And more eggs.  Some vegetables…but not CORN or POTATOES.

Phase 1 was supposed to last for 14 days and I figured I could do anything for 14 days.

Then 14 days turned into 15…to 20…to a month….to two months…

Soon Tim and I had been on Phase 1 far too long.  We didn’t want to stop.  The weight just kept falling off.  Carbs?  What were those?  I didn’t even CRAVE my beloved cereal anymore.  My new love affair was with Egg Beaters and Laughing Cow cheese.  We would bring no-carb salad dressing to restaurants, only drink water and never allow a single granule of sugar to touch our lips.  I have no idea what is in Phase 2 or 3…we never got that far.

The first inkling of the trouble with staying on Phase 1 too long was my insatiable craving for nuts.  And I’ve never liked nuts all that much…maybe a few here and there…but after a month of the South Beach Diet I couldn’t pound them down fast enough.

The sign that our bodies had had enough and needed something…some kind of carb from SOMEWHERE…was a Saturday afternoon at the Mall of Georgia.

I said I was craving a chocolate chip cookie. 

And Tim said he’d eat one if I would.

That was enough for me.

So we went to Whole Foods.

And we bought two cookies – each.  Along with ingredients to make a complete yellow cake with chocolate frosting and home-made pizza, pre-made turkey wraps, 7-layer dip, chips, brownies…milk…

We ate the cookies in the car – and we never eat anything in the car.

After the first bite I was high on sugar.  It felt like I was floating, soaring high above sugary, cotton candy clouds, light as a feather, giddy with each bite.

We got home and had the wraps.  And the dip.

Then made the cake and the pizza.

We ate the entire pizza and moved onto the cake.

Any sane person would point out that the two pieces of cake we were about to devour were easily seven to ten normal sized slices.

But to our carb-craving bodies – those slices were exactly the right size.

I had to stop halfway through the cake because I literally could not swallow.  The food was backlogged into my esophagus.  I had to lie down on the floor in the family room just to try and get myself in a comfortable position while Tim had fallen asleep on the couch, his cake half eaten as well.

I wake up to a fork clanging on a plate, look up and see Tim, eating the cake with serious ambition.  He says to me between bites, “I am not letting this cake beat me.”

I sat on there on the floor, still dazed from all of the sugar, thinking…well, I cannot be the wimp who isn’t able to finish her cake.

So I get up and start shoveling my remaining cake into my mouth, each swallow more painful than the one preceding.

We actually took pictures.  Before and after pictures cake pictures. 

I have no idea what the driving force was behind it.  I guess as a reminder to NEVER DO THAT AGAIN.

Cake Before

After Cake

We ended the weekend SEVEN POUNDS HEAVIER than we started.  Still, to this day, I cannot figure out how we did not go into diabetic shock.

And now I refuse to do anything low carb.  I will have my carbs.

Because if I don’t, I’ll end up eating half a cake, half a pizza, a turkey wrap, two cookies, countless brownies, chips and seven layer dip…in the span of two days.

And if that isn’t enough to shame you into NOT repeating history…I’m not sure what is.


7 Responses to “the binge”

  1. 1 kkktookmybabyaway July 9, 2009 at 7:35 pm

    I’ll buy those South Beach snack bars if they are on sale and I have a coupon. Same for a few other South Beach products.

    The problem I always had with low-carb diets is that I can’t trust a program when given a hamburger the bad part of the sandwich is the bread.

    I count calories, fat and carb intake.

  2. 3 Breeza July 10, 2009 at 1:13 am

    I’m doing Weight Watchers and some weeks are great, but others suck. Like this week where I ate wayyyyy too much fast and junk food. But I’m blaming it on PMS! Now I’m dreading weighing in tomorrow.

  3. 5 Coco July 11, 2009 at 10:41 am

    That scene is WAAAAY too familiar.
    Once, I convinced my husband to try a week of raw food (eating like me, essentially).
    And he failed.
    And somehow convinced me to join him in indulging in the worst of Whole Foods’ offerings (not as bad as some junk, but still junk).
    I was sick for days.
    Thanks for this; I could not stop laughing at that picture…just replace that cake with giant bowls of macaroni and cheese and giant cupcakes…

  1. 1 guess whhhaaat???…. « booshy Trackback on November 3, 2011 at 8:07 am

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