a haircut cannot be an “off day”

Some jobs you just…cannot have an off day.  There is no “oops” in a haircut or plastic surgery or parachute production.  You cannot half ass those things.  You’ve got to give it your blood sweat and tears and be perfect EVERY time.

Had Deanna, our hairstylist, had a bad day on my bangs…you can believe we wouldn’t be going back because chopped, butchered or slanted was NOT the look I was going for.  I’ve had my fair share of bad haircuts and paid the painful price being impatient to wait for an appointment.

Yes, I had my MOM cut my hair.

I was about eight and had long, flowing hair down my back and decided I wanted something different but didn’t want to wait for our hairstylist to have an opening.  I wanted a new look THAT DAY.  I had had it with the long hair and wanted it gone.

NOW.

My mom tried to warn me.  She tried to tell me that she had no idea HOW to cut hair nor did she have the proper tools, save a pair of metal, black handled old school scissors used for cutting cloth.

I didn’t care.  Scissors were scissors and I wanted it cut.  Short.

So she cut it.

ALL OF IT.

By the end of the whole “evening-out” game where she kept trying to make both sides the same length…realizing the right side was too long…cut more off and then right side was now shorter than the left side so she cut more off the left trying to make both sides even…I had something resembling those bowl cuts that were so popular with the boys in the eighties…the one that looks like someone took a big soup bowl, turned it upside down, stuck it on your head and then cut evenly all the way around.  But then there was this one piece on the left stuck straight out, rebelling against my poor eight-year-old decision making skills.

I was MORTIFIED.  I now resembled a BOY with a haircut from hell.

So what did my mom do?

She made me GO TO SCHOOL with the haircut the next morning.

I locked myself in my room, screaming hysterically that I would not be seen like this.  I would not go to school and to FIX MY HAIR RIGHT NOW!  I didn’t care how.  JUST FIX IT.

I lost the battle and ended up doing the stifled bite-your-lip-crying where you keep trying to catch your breath and just can’t…all the way to school.

I walked around the entire day with my head down, staring at my shadow and that damned piece on the left that stuck straight out, mocking me, no matter how much water I poured on it.

All the kids in my class just looked at me like, “WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? Did your hair get caught in the lawn mower or something?”

My teacher didn’t even bother mentioning the new “do.”  She just glossed right over it like nothing happened…though the look on her face said otherwise.  Somewhere between sympathy and hysterics.  Her mouth wasn’t sure if it should laugh or cry so it did this half-opened smile thing, like she was going to say something and then thought better of it.

I wait for my appointment now.  I do not even attempt cutting a single STRAND for fear of all the hairs on my head feeling the touch of an amateur, remembering the butchering  incident and figuring that falling right out at the root and starting over again  is a better option than being cut at unnatural angles..

Lesson learned.

Thanks, mom.

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4 Responses to “a haircut cannot be an “off day””


  1. 1 kkktookmybabyaway July 6, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    The better half cuts my hair. Been doing so for 10 years. The first few attempts weren’t pretty, but whatever. It’s not like I was getting cut to go out clubbing. The only haircut I’ve received from a barber since 1999 was a week or two before my wedding in ’05.

    Then again, I’m a guy so I can probably get away with this.

    • 2 Jessica July 7, 2009 at 6:39 pm

      Hey – as long as she knows how to handle a pair of shears…you’re good to go. Now…try cutting HER hair…and you’ll probably end up running for your life. 🙂

  2. 3 Breeza July 7, 2009 at 12:29 am

    I’m the same but not due to any hair horror stories. But I still haven’t found an amazing hairdresser in LA. So hard!

    • 4 Jessica July 7, 2009 at 6:38 pm

      Really? In LA? I figured there would be TONS of good hairdressers there…cater to the “stars” and all…maybe that’s the problem…they’re only there FOR the stars…


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