expedition africa

Tim and I were all excited when we watched the first episode of Expedition Africa.  It looked different and new and exciting.  It’s on the History Channel and is about four “explorers” traversing the same route that Stanley and Livingstone blazed oh so many years ago.

Then we sat down to watch episode number two.

After hiking through mountainous terrain for a few days, the explorers came upon a little village in the middle of nowhere and among the inhabitants of the village was this cute little goat who kept “bahhhing” and eating leaves…minding its own business and not hurting anybody.

And then they apparently decide the goat doesn’t NEED to be in the world of the living anymore and lead it away from its nice shady spot….all nice like, “Come little goat.  Come with me. I won’t hurt you…”

And then before the unsuspecting goat knew any different,  THEY KILLED IT AND ATE THE KIDNEYS.

I had already pulled a throw pillow over my face and was doing the “la la la’s” so I couldn’t hear anything – looking sideways at Tim like, “IS THE CARNAGE OVER YET?!?”

Finally they finished their goat barbecue and I got the go-ahead from Tim to watch them do something non-violent.

So I remove the pillow from my face and see the camera pan out to show a large group of people dancing around a fire along with another fun member of Africa.

A GIANT PYTHON.

Not in a cage.  Not on a leash.  No muzzle. No restraints.  It’s just SITTING on the ground like it’s part of the party.

And to top it off, this ten foot long  python is being taunted by someone and so, as any python would do, it LUNGES AT THE PERSON, MOUTH COMPLETELY OPEN like “I AM GOING TO EAT YOU SO HELP ME GOD STOP POINTING THAT STICK AT ME!”

The second the snake rocketed half its length off the ground, aiming straight for the person’s throat, I jumped about ten feet in the air, landed on top of Tim and looked at him all wide-eyed like, “WHAT ARE THEY DOING?  THAT IS A PYTHON!”

He just looks at me all, “Didn’t you see them bring it into the village?  They’re playing with it.”

I’m sorry, NO, I was busy getting over the whole goat murder. Guess I didn’t see the whole bring-a-snake-to-the-party-day bit.  And did I miss something here?  Aren’t you supposed to run AWAY from snakes?

Tim somehow managed to unwrap my arms off of his shoulders and set me back down next to him.  I kept my feet tucked up under me for I was convinced that there was another python just waiting under the couch to grab my ankles, mad that I had even WITNESSED such an act.

Thankfully, the snake game ended fairly quickly, as did the episode.  Then the preview of episode three popped on and all I see is a large animal on its back, flailing on the ground with about ten people surrounding it, holding long, pointed objects and hopping up and down excitedly.

At that point I jumped up off the couch and was like, “THAT’S IT!  I CANNOT TAKE THIS.  FIRST IT’S KILLING INNOCENT GOATS AND THEN THE SNAKES AND NOW THIS?!  NOPE. NO MORE. I’M DONE.”

Tim starts laughing uncontrollably and manages to get out, ” I wish I had a camera for THAT reaction.”

Africa – you’re beautiful.  But I’ve decided I’m not visiting.

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2 Responses to “expedition africa”


  1. 1 Shannon June 24, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    I would probably shit myself also. I can’t watch that stuff.


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